Again, I Need A Community to Help...

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Guy_Stewart, Jun 14, 2017.

  1. Guy_Stewart

    Guy_Stewart Well-Known Member

    My thread disappeared and I finally have the time to start a new one! Anyone I know still out there?

  2. Guy_Stewart

    Guy_Stewart Well-Known Member

    I lost track of time and posts while I was gone. I KNOW I haven't been PMO free the whole time...or MO free?

    I'm just going to start all over again...
  3. fcjl8

    fcjl8 The only path for me

    Hi Guy, glad you are back. Sorry your journal went missing. I am here for you friend, always will be!
  4. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    It's not a coincidence that your journal disappeared. This new one represents a clean slate.

    Yours truly,
    The Barber
    Squire and Billy B. like this.
  5. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Clean slate.
    Billy B. likes this.
  6. Guy_Stewart

    Guy_Stewart Well-Known Member


    Got back from vacation on Thursday to LARGE downed branches and a new project my wife has hired a good friend of ours to do. I took care of the branches with hand and chain saw; my wife shopped.

    I am back on again.

    It's good to be here. Onward.
    Billy B. likes this.
  7. fcjl8

    fcjl8 The only path for me

    Glad to read that you are back with us here and staying clean... this is all good Guy!
  8. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Now is where it's at.
  9. ananoman

    ananoman Active Member

    Sorry to hear your journal disappeared. Any way they can retrieve it?
  10. Guy_Stewart

    Guy_Stewart Well-Known Member


    Getting out of PMO is going to be harder than I thought...I like to "feel good" and I want to live to see my grandkids get the wife and I are dieting. I've lost 16 pounds, which is great, but to "compensate", I've been playing head games -- like "I can watch porn as long as I don't masturbate to orgasm!" and "Just one peek won't hurt..."

    The habit is hard to break. You all know that; I'm preaching to the choir.

    Now I need to get serious and quit being a wimp about it. I DO need to fight back. And, for those of you who are believers, I need to start relying on God again...


    PS -- thanks to ALL of you who are staying with me.

    fcjl8 -- this is good. I'm going to steal it: "I am a pornography and masturbation addict. I must work to be free everyday. "we have to keep this in our lives in order to keep it from our lives""
  11. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Hey there Guy,
    You're right. We need to get serious about this. There's no half-way. A peek will lead to a fall. It's amazing to me how many times I fool myself and conveniently "forget" this!
    I'm tempted to delete my thread and start a new one too. Something refreshing about that.
    Keep on, brother.
  12. Guy_Stewart

    Guy_Stewart Well-Known Member


    Sorry I wasn't on yesterday -- first day of teaching summer school, so I was a bit rushed.

    For some reason, this time seems to be a real struggle to get started. Maybe it has something to do with losing weight and feeling lighter; layers of fat are receding and I can (oddly), see my equipment for the first time in some time...

    Anyway, I am drawn to porn right now. It's constantly on my mind. Coming here was a struggle because I'd rather be "coming there".

    But I know that there are men here who care. Men who care about my struggling. Men who have struggled and have NOW been clean for months. One of those men was ME. 169 days. Those days weren't easily won, either. There were many fits and starts. There was even a nasty "pride" streak where I felt like I'd "made it"...

    All in all it may be good that I am here now.

    Thank you all for caring. I REALLY need that right now.

    nuclpow likes this.
  13. Gone fishing

    Gone fishing Active Member

    Working through the temptation feels better than the aftermath of PMO.
  14. madman

    madman Member

    169 days. Wow. I've done 93 and 106, never 169. That is amazing. Keep fighting. And it is a fight.
  15. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    I had a somewhat porn related dream as I woke up this morning, the thoughts of P fade very slowly, but we still have a lot of power over our behavior and how we respond to them :)
    Guy_Stewart likes this.
  16. fcjl8

    fcjl8 The only path for me

    Good going Guy... you are only 167 days from tying your best mark! and 168 from beating your personal best! Cheering for you friend.
  17. Guy_Stewart

    Guy_Stewart Well-Known Member


    You all understand how CLOSE I came (pun intended) to PMOing this morning -- but I came here to start my day.

    Ran across this and I'm thinking about putting at the bottom as a banner: "There are more pearls of wisdom to be found in the Sea of Inspiration that in the Garbage Can of Old Conditioning." The guy that quoted it noted that ANYTHING inspirational can change the brain chemistry. I "knew that", this just let the knowledge crystalize.

    Being very emotional now...when I read your notes of encouragement: fcjl8, HowToKapow, 40New30, madman, Senor Nofapado, Mozenjo, anonoman, billy B...I literally got tears in my eyes.

    I'm sure this is akin to all the people we've seen on the news lately who are opioid addicted. For me, being addicted to porn is a sort of "invisible" addiction (don't get me wrong, there are PHYSICAL signs of my porn addiction!) but you won't find me laying on the lawn of the library or in a detox jail cell because I watch porn and jerk off to it. But it is just as destructive...

    Anyway, I could ramble on, but I'm here today despite the urgent desire to watch porn and masturbate.

    I am with YOU all because even though you are, in fact "pixelated people", I know by your comments and caring that you ARE people. Porn shares a false intimacy -- the dude on the screen doesn't know me and doesn't care. YOU all know me and care.

    Thank you for taking the time to know me.
    Lowdo likes this.
  18. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Our addiction is hidden, and because it's not talked about at all in polite society a lot of us...yes, even us, think that PMO addiction is somehow addiction-light or something along those lines. PMO addiction can be every bit as serious as heroin, booze, or gambling (and every bit as destructive).

    We're fighting a serious battle, and we need support -- to attack it from all angles.

    You can get clean, you've done it before; one baby step at a time.
  19. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    One more're a much better man when you're encouraging others, twice as strong.
    Saville likes this.
  20. Guy_Stewart

    Guy_Stewart Well-Known Member


    My life is...strange...right now. We're having construction done in the house; my dad is deteriorating -- but the place he stays all of a sudden started doing PT and OT without talking to me (I'm the "medical" guy); my writing is tanking at this moment; we haven't heard from my son or his family for over a week; summer school is great, but my OTHER school is interfering so I'm stressed about balancing two totally different jobs; I AM losing weight (21 pounds in 2 months on Sunday), but I'm always hungry...

    Maybe that's why the "desire"/my response is to want PMO more?

    No idea, but the struggle against it is...powerful.

    Thanks, my brothers! Tomorrow!

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