1|23|21 ( Day 19 ) 9:07PM Weekends are slow here, but this is probably gonna be slowest one for a while. Everything kicks in next week and I'm looking forwards to it. I spent the day exploring town and also I giving some thought about where I want to go from here career-wise. I don't have a ton of direction and I feel like I'm going with the motion, but I'm not sure what to focus on. It's not something that keeps me up at night, but I certainly feel like it's something that I should explore and ask about a lot more. I've found myself worrying a lot about the future which is something that I don't want to get consumed by. Other than that, everything has been good as of late. I've found a good bit of people to see and I'm looking forwards to what the semester holds.
ALSO: additional note, While I was exploring the town, I spotted a lot of homeless people and it was a rough feeling. Among all of the people and families going about their day, they were just spotted in different places in broad daylight. I know there's noting that I can do to revert all of their situations. I had an idea though. I saw an artist who went on the subway to draw people and he would give them the drawing. I guess it's a powerful gesture in the sense that you capture that person and it's a personal use of art that can mean a lot. I feel like that's a good use of his gift and I hope that I can do the same for some of the homeless people that I come across. I definitely need to practice more in person portraits as it is. In fact, fuck the hope aspect, I'm going to practice tonight.
1|24|21 ( Day 20 ) 11:07PM Today was a very slow day where I ended up feeling withdrawn and lonely for a bit. I still haven’t found a church or a group to commute to, but I’m hoping to find one soon. Everything was closed and I felt stuck for a good bit. The second half was a lot better and it felt fairly productive. We had a meeting where I figured out my class schedule along with the team’s workout schedule. Loneliness is definitely something that I’ve been wrestling with prior to college, but I know it will come up again every now and then. Loneliness is such a weird loop for me and probably for a lot of people, but I will talk about my feelings on that anotha time
1|25|21 ( Day 21 ) 11:58 PM Today was a busy and productive. A lot more people showed up today and they just came out of nowhere. I got a lot in and I’m hoping that I can make the most out of this semester My team has a solid workout schedule for me to follow and I have a few people to workout with. The way I schedule myself is going to be a learning curve for the next week or so
1|26|21 ( Day 22 ) 9:27PM I was really stressed about my lack of structure, so I decided to work on that this morning. I sat down for an hour or two drawing up a schedule where I set aside time to work/ study then relax for the rest of the day. I tried it out and I actually enjoyed it a lot. My college has a lot of places where I can hone in on my schoolwork which has been really beneficial for me. Having moderation and consistency in my work flow helped a lot today. I also met some fellow uke players who were willing to help me learn which made my day.
2|2|21 ( Day 29 ) 12:15PM It's been over a week and I feel as if I'm still doing decent. There have been a lot of ways for me to get out and move around lately with classes and workouts. The biggest concern I have at the moment is lack of structure. It has been way too easy for me to go off and abandon healthy habits. And I practically did for all of last week. Without that sense of structure, I can find myself getting stressed out at times. If I have too much, I probably won't go out of my way to do anything fun. So far, college has been a balancing act that's thrown me out of my comfort zone. It can definitely be stressful and lonely at times, but it can be just as fun and overwhelming. I think the biggest thing is planning things to do with others and also finding alternate ways to relieve stress to help me move away from porn.
