Accountability Journal

Discussion in 'Ages -19' started by Spence02, Dec 20, 2020.

  1. Spence02

    Spence02 Member

    1|7|21 ( Day 3 ) 8:30 AM
    Back to it, I like this time for journaling because it gives me a target time to wake up. Routines haven't been going too swell because I'm still getting affiliated with everything. I took a bus downtown and almost got stuck there because I didn't know the schedule. It forced me to explore which was great for a little bit.
    It definitely still feels a bit lonely because I haven't been able to connect with anyone quite yet. This is still a good chance to be more independent while I have time on my own.
    I was able to sleep last night which surprised me because that's a hard thing for me when I'm in a new place. Today I'll do some more exploring and see how that goes. I know the hours for the gym so I'll definitely squeeze in a workout.

    see ya tomorrow
  2. Spence02

    Spence02 Member

    1|8|21 ( Day 4 ) 8:01 AM
    I have a bit of a schedule going now and I've met some cool people here and there. I've found that getting out of my dorm and getting around in the smallest ways opens up a lot of opportunities. Eating outside or chilling in the common area, stuff like that.
    I finally got to the gym and there's only one time for me to go since it's hours are towards the middle of the day.
    I want to consolidate my schedule for the next week now that I have things in place to work with.
  3. Spence02

    Spence02 Member

    1|9|21 ( Day 5 ) 8:30AM
    I had some good workouts this week and today will be a break day. This week has leveled my unrealistic expectations of college and I my view is a bit more grounded.
    It's early and not everyone has arrived, but I've still learned a fair amount. Having a meal with someone is the best way to get to know them. Staying in your dorm limits you a lot and it's better to eat/ read/chill outside during the day so that you can possibly meet people. If you do have a random encounter, listening for small common interest is a great way to find stuff to do together. This might be me, but I can't remember names straight after an encounter, so I write their name down just so it will stick next time I meet them.
    And lastly, not everyone wants to connect, but there are good people out there who want to.

    This week was a good start, but there are a few things that I want to focus on next week. I want to make a thankful journal so that I can reflect on the acts of kindness I experienced throughout the day. I also need to write entries in my physical journal so that I can do an overview on what I did/ thought throughout the day.

    At one point in the week, I was alone in my room for the day and I had an urge come up, but I viewed it a bit differently this time. I felt as if I could give in and ignore what I've been working against these last two months, or I could just be patient and find something else to do. I'm not above urges and I can still easily relapse, but I slowed down and understood that I had a choice to look at porn which is something I didn't see. Before, I looked at it as if I have this urge so it will inevitably happen now or later.

    I'll see ya tomorrow everyone
    -Luke- likes this.
  4. Spence02

    Spence02 Member

    1|10|21 ( Day 6 ) 8:28AM
    This week I'm going to measure how much I stick to working out and following my schedule now that I know the hours for everything.
    I trailed off with my physical journal which is something that I want to work on again. It has really helped me process my thoughts and reflect on everything. I did an entry last night and I plan to do one again.
    The lessons that I was doing earlier were helpful and they taught me a lot, but I think that doing them daily was a rash decision on my part. I think breaking them into weekly entries will keep me on track.

    I still haven't found a solid church group or any group yet, but I'll still try to get out there and search the best that I can.
  5. Spence02

    Spence02 Member

    1|11|21 ( Day 7 ) 8:31AM
    Yesterday was a slow day during the start. I was stuck in place and I felt like I couldn't do anything. This weekend definitely felt isolated and it felt rough. Independence is something that hasn't resonated with me completely. I felt trapped in my room when I could explore at any point.
    Towards the end of the day, I finally got out and took my longboard out for a ride. It was really great and it felt like I was having my own adventure.

    It felt good to get out and I found that it's a good way of relieving stress when I feel stuck inside.
  6. Spence02

    Spence02 Member

    1|12|21 ( Day 8 ) 10:04AM
    Yesterday was a great one because I made a lot of genuine connections and I got to bond with some new people.
    I found some people who play the same fighting games as me and I found people to do movie nights with.

    My roommate works out with me, so it helps a lot with staying motivated to get a workout in. I've been on schedule for the last 3-4 lift days, so I hope I can continue that pattern.
    I stayed up a little late, so I'm late x50, but I still want to get this in.
    I feel a little bit homesick, but I'll see how it pans out. The week days keep me moving around a lot, but the weekends are definitely the slowest for me. I think those are the days where I should search for more stuff to occupy myself.
  7. Spence02

    Spence02 Member

    1|13|21 ( Day 9 ) 11:34PM
    I’m very late today, but better late than never. Today I reached my short term goal of days without a relapse!
    I’m proud to have made it here and I will shoot for a new goal of two weeks.
    Yesterday, I maintained my workout schedule and today will be a rest day.
    There’s been a decent amount of stuff to keep me moving around and it’s helped me a lot.
    Im heading hone for a bit so I can reconvene before the semester kicks in. I’ll see you guys tomorrow
  8. Spence02

    Spence02 Member

    1|14|21 (Day 10) 11:19PM
    Evening everyone, still wanted to get this in. Being at the nest is nice, but I’m definitely putting off my routines and I’m unraveling a the habits that I put in place.
    I will aim to get this done in the morning so that I can get back into the habit of doing this early.
  9. Spence02

    Spence02 Member

    1|15|21 (Day 11) 8:47AM
    Alright, I’m sort of back on track. I always hit a bit of a wall when making a new habit. I forget to do said habit and I get anxious about doing it later than it was supposed to be done. This wall applies to a lot of things for me, but now that I’ve identified it I can work on fixing it.
    I’ve been a little busier lately and that will pick up in the next week or so. With all that stuff to do, I know stress will come along which is something that made me flock to porn. I really want to focus on completing my tasks early this semester so I can take off a lot of that stress.
  10. Spence02

    Spence02 Member

    1|16|21 (Day 12) 11:37PM
    ANOTHER late post,
    Nothing too special to report on. I’ve been enjoying the time I have at home with family. I haven’t been too focused in comparison to the last week or so. But for now, I will just enjoy the time I have before I get busy.
  11. -Luke-

    -Luke- Well-Known Member

    Hey Spence,

    I'm sorry to see that there isn't much going on in this section of the forum anymore. Just wanted to let you know that I read all of your posts. It's nice to see someone recognizing this problem so early and working on it every day. Enjoy college!
    Bilbo Baggins likes this.
  12. Keep up the great work Spence. So many people who are older than you wish that they had found and started this journey at your age. 10, 20 or 30 years from now, you will look back and now regret it.
  13. Bilbo Baggins

    Bilbo Baggins Well-Known Member

    Yeah, I did not realize that until you mentioned it. Other sections of the forum are pretty empty too. It’s weird, especially if what the surveys generally reveal about the rates of sexual dysfunctions in young men is true. These matters are not known enough to the public. Hell, I have suffered from PIED for 15 years and only discovered this forum when I turned 32...

    Keep it up, Spence. You are doing good.
  14. Spence02

    Spence02 Member

    1|17|21 (Day 13) 11:48PM
    I spent the day hanging out with my family and we all watched some football together. It's rare for us all to be in the same room doing something together, so this was a great day. RIP the Browns tho
    And I appreciate Bilbo, chickendinner, and Luke for looking out for me.
    This forum is kinda empty, but it inspires me to see you all posting and looking out for everyone. So thank you guys.
    I'll see you all tomorrow
    Bilbo Baggins likes this.
  15. Spence02

    Spence02 Member

    1|18|21 (Day 14) 10:24AM
    It's always good to know I have people who have my back and that's something that I've found here. This is a great community and I appreciate you guys supporting me along the way.
    Today, I'll try to give myself tasks to focus on. I've been all over the place and I haven't had a sense of routine since I got home, so I will start simple and give myself a checklist. I have a few things I need to take care of, I need to get in a workout, and I would like to do some watercolor again.
    So I will see if I can focus on being productive today
    See ya all tomorrow!
  16. Spence02

    Spence02 Member

    1|19|21 ( Day 15 ) 11:41PM
    Yesterday was fairly productive and I’m glad I took some time to get stuff done.
    Today was a bit slower and I felt a bit down. Normally that would spiral into terrible thoughts, but I was able to feel what I needed to feel and sort through my thoughts.
    It ended up being a good day towards the end. I still have a lack of structure seeing that I’ll be back to school for the semester, so I’ll enjoy it while I can.
    See ya all tomorrow
  17. Spence02

    Spence02 Member

    1|20|21 ( Day 16 ) 9:37AM
    Last day until I’m back at school for a bit. My family picks a day to do family night and luckily we can share that time together.

    Side Talk: Family night is one of the greatest things that happened to our family and I think you should try it. Just pick a night every week or so to eat then play a game, watch a movie, tell stories, do a kahoot, do a ‘how well do you know each other’ quiz, etc.
    It helped us connect in a time where we were all doing our own thing, it helped me feel a lot less isolated, and it helped me know everyone a lot better. Even if you don’t have one yet, it can be something to look forwards to.

    Today will just be a day where I get cleaned up and ready to hit the ground running so it won’t be anything special.

    See you guys tomorrow
    Bilbo Baggins likes this.

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