Great update path-forward. You have come so far but there's no denying that you have some difficult things going on. It's reasonable to feel overwhelmed and frustrated, but it's what we do with those feelings that fuels us or wrecks us. If sports is off the table, what else can you do to treat yourself a bit and/or dissipate the stress? Do walks help? Setting up some fellowship with a buddy? Being active and proactive can really help you get out of the pity party, or misleading yourself that you deserve PMO. I'm speaking to myself here too. You could also share more of what you're feeling with your wife. Your actions and sharing with your wife can go really well together. This keeps you from dumping everything on her and burdening her, but also enables you to be in clear communication with your life partner.