Accepting Responsibility

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by path-forward, Jul 17, 2022.

  1. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Path-forward, act as if she's there with you. Meaning, don't act out. Make this a bump in the road, not another binge-fest.
    Rooting for you!
    Saville and path-forward like this.
  2. path-forward

    path-forward Well-Known Member

    Sav. Appreciate your focus and great question!
    As I agree with you. But yes, it's part of her work situation and not able to be easily fixed. She is effectively bi-coastal in her work life much of the time - given we dont want to move right now for various family reasons.

    And Moz - appreciate the perspective and encouragement as always! Def been a chaser day. But trying hard to ground myself...
    Saville likes this.
  3. path-forward

    path-forward Well-Known Member

    Wow! Been over a week since I posted. I try hard to post at least twice a week. But clearly my pattern of clean for a day or two and then indulging - doesnt make for great discussions!

    But I am trying hard to start a solid streak now.
    Thelongwayhome27 likes this.
  4. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    You don't just have to talk about your P use, right? It's your journal, so you can write what you want. :)
  5. path-forward

    path-forward Well-Known Member

    Wow! Good to see the forum back up. Was interesting to realise how it had relatively quickly become part of my life. So I definitely missed it.

    I relapsed on Valentine’s Day. Sort of pathetic in a way. My wife was traveling and also doesn’t really believe in it - as she says a good relationship should be celebrated every day. Not based around a holiday. Some truth to that ofc. But I still hated being alone on V Day and binged.

    Been clean since - but lots of peeking. So not the best times for me. She is back soon. So I expect my clean streak to continue.

    I am narrowing my peeking subject matter, so that’s a good sign. Less OCD to see prior stuff.

    My wife’s health problems are likely to affect our sex life for a long while. They involve some private areas unfortunately and her doctor has not been very encouraging.

    But I am trying to add some more structure, ie healthy diversions, to my life.

    I know PMO is not the answer to my challenges with my Wife’s health.

    kind of a depressing post haha

    Tho I’m feeling tired (got woken up early today), but still wanted to post.

    the fight continues. Rock on my Brothers.
    StarWarsFan, Saville and Mozenjo like this.
  6. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Hey there, path-forward. Glad you haven't binged in 8 days, but your statement above tells me that peeking is still a problem - as it is for me. What really helped me get to long streaks was consistently telling myself that "peeking" is really just opening up the gates so the dopamine can rush in. Peeking means the addiction is winning. The word "peeking" is too benign. It has to hold more weight for us. Carry on, bud.
    Saville and path-forward like this.
  7. path-forward

    path-forward Well-Known Member

    Moz. Thanks for both the encouragement and the reinforcement. I hear you 100%!

    Working hard to stop the peeking as well.

    we got this my brother!
    Mozenjo likes this.
  8. path-forward

    path-forward Well-Known Member

    Well tomorrow night will be 2 weeks clean of PMO or MO. Small victory given my recent multiple relapses. My wife is home now - which will also help keep me clean.
    I’m still peeking too much. But thankfully it has not led to anything.
    But need to be stronger about stopping that unhealthy behaviour as well.
    Winter is a challenge as it’s too cold outside for sports activities. But I need to focus on indoor racquet sports and golf simulators, as well as the gym.
    Just prefer to work out out doors.

    overall. This has been an encouraging period given I didn’t relapse despite some pretty nasty triggers.

    the fight continues.

    shout out to all the brothers who post and/or acknowledge other’s posts.
    all the activity here is cumulative in it’s encouraging affect on everyone!
    I really missed the people on this forum when it was down.

    Let’s all keep vigilant and focused on healthy behavior and being proud of who we are!
    Gil79, StarWarsFan and Saville like this.
  9. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    2 weeks, well done! I think that from that point onwards it always gets a lot easier.

    Do you have a good strategy to counteract the peaking?
    path-forward likes this.
  10. path-forward

    path-forward Well-Known Member

    thanks Gil! Appreciate the encouragement!

    and can’t say I have developed a good strategy for the peeking. But I know in the end, it needs to be virtually 100% stopping for it to work.
    Gil79 likes this.
  11. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Me too. It why I took up piano this winter, though that doesn't take up much time. As a retiree I'm still trying to find a flow to each week. So far I've not been bored, but I know I have to continually look for new things to get involved in.
    path-forward likes this.
  12. path-forward

    path-forward Well-Known Member

    Well its been about a week since I posted. Usually a lapse of that long not posting has been associated with a relapse or even a binge period. But the streak continues. But I admit it feels a bit empty, as my wife's health situation has gotten worse. So zero chance of sex right now. Nothing life threatening thankfully right now. But still some serious stuff, that could become life threatening down the road... wow! I sound like a sad sack! lol. but just reality I guess. Her health situation has also greatly affected our social life, as there are many "couples situations" that we have passed on - or I have gone alone - which sometimes is emotionally challenging. Tho I admit I have had some great times stag as well!

    She had a procedure done today. nothing too serious as it seemed to go well. But it will most def put her out of ANY chance for sex for a few weeks.

    BUT on the good news - I truly do love my wife! She is generally a sweet and loving girl - and virtually never nags me or keeps score on anything in our marriage..

    But as I approach 3 weeks on my currently streak - I know deep down it will become more and more challenging. As the idea of not having a release gets harder and harder to deal with. And unfortunately - I can only really have a good release with PMO...

    But we will see. I am really trying hard not to go down that road, despite still occasionally peeking... But I am keeping that under control better lately...

    And the beat goes on!
    Mozenjo and Saville like this.
  13. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    I'm in the same boat as I am single and not really dating at all.

    But it has been done for people to stay off the whole thing for a while. There are people who complete those famous ''90 days'' without any PMO/MO/sex, but it's rare it's true.

    Anyhow, I wish you the best and most of all for your wife as well with her health situation.

    And ... congrats on you current progress, 3 weeks is awesome work !
    Mozenjo and Saville like this.
  14. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    You can totally keep going without cumming. As @Thelongwayhome27 home said, there are many who have done 90 days.

    On the other side of things, perhaps your wife might be into giving you a bj or a hand job. Sometimes when my wife doesn't feel like sex I will accept a hand job if we both get naked and fool around, as well.
    Mozenjo likes this.
  15. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Yeah, the body absorbs the semen. If it didn't, we'd be wearing diapers every day :p
    -Luke- and path-forward like this.
  16. path-forward

    path-forward Well-Known Member

    LWH - Thanks so much for your encouraging response and kind words regarding my wife's health. Much appreciated!

    Sir Saville - as always - thanks for your direct and supportive feedback!

    As for the 90 days - I could see it being done - though definitely a high hurdle for me!

    I have considered going the hand job/BJ route and did that about a month back. But its not the experience I want right now. But I may reconsider down the road.

    Overall, I find myself in a tough situation - But I am focusing hard on both accepting it and not letting it get me down.

    Thanks again for the encouraging feedback! My brothers here are a key part of my progress so far!
    Saville and Thelongwayhome27 like this.
  17. path-forward

    path-forward Well-Known Member

    Relapsed tonight after 25 days.

    should have fought off the urge but played with fire.

    Felt terrible afterwards which was a good sign to me. Need to hold onto the memory of how bad I felt

    back to the fight. Not going to binge

    one and done.
    Mozenjo and Thelongwayhome27 like this.
  18. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Yup, just put it behind you.
    Mozenjo and Thelongwayhome27 like this.
  19. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    path-forward, 25 days is good. Back on the horse.
    I don't know about you, but as always, the peeking keeps doing me in. Lots of rationalizing during, and regrets afterward.
    Let's make it a squeaky clean streak this time.
  20. path-forward

    path-forward Well-Known Member

    Roughest day emotionally in a long time.

    Feeling distant from my close friends for first time in a long long time. Maybe since my divorce well over a decade ago.

    Wife is in a terrible depressed mood from both her chronic and worsening health problems. And from slower than expected recovery from a recent medical procedure.

    Likely will have to cancel vacation plans due to her health issues.

    have gained back about 15 lbs I lost last spring due to inactivity over the winter plus eating too much garbage.

    overall just a shitty day. Not a chance of sex with my wife right now. Or anything else for that matter. She is incredibly uncomfortable.

    On top of everything else, my wife and I got into an argument about my kids from my first marriage. While I understood her perspective - it wasn’t anything I could fix. And it ultimately just made me feel sad and frustrated.

    Overall. Just couldn’t process the emotional pain.

    And PMOed. Was done in 3 min. No Edging etc. got hard and was done. Feel like that at least lessens potential affects on ED.

    It’s too many decades of needing that dopamine fix to feel emotionally stable again in times of severe pain.

    I suffered PTSD level emotional trauma as a kid - and painful situations like this trigger it very intensely.

    will take a lot of strength but am fighting not to binge.

    overall. A very tough chapter in my life. May be a new normal with my wife.

    makes it hard to fight PMO with minimal to no chance of sex in my life for likely a month or two.

    And my wife has no libido since covid 2 months ago. Curious if anyone else has had that experience?

    I know I will bounce back. Have done it before.

    need to also focus more on getting back in shape. I know it will make feel healthier overall.

    Just need to get through the pity party stage and get back on my feet. And stand tall again.
    Last edited: Mar 14, 2023
    Saville likes this.

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