path-forward, yes, being here through the rough patches is important. But you also can't mea culpa your way to recovery. I'm reminded again of a clip someone posted years ago of Bob Newhart playing a psychologist treating someone who is trying to give up a bad habit. She asks him what she should do. His simple response, over and over: "Stop it!" Our work involves not doing something, which should be easier than doing something, when you think about it. I've been where you are more times than I'd like to admit. I just relapsed 3 days ago. I'm fighting urges as I write this. But I'm not going to relapse again, because (and I know you know this), it will make it easier to fall into the pattern that got us here in the first place. Do this for yourself. It's totally worth the hard work, and you deserve it!