Accepting Responsibility

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by path-forward, Jul 17, 2022.

  1. path-forward

    path-forward Well-Known Member

    Thank you Saville. That means a lot to me!
  2. path-forward

    path-forward Well-Known Member

    Definitely tough right now getting back to a relatively stable state of mind - after my binge sessions last weekend... I try to use my marriage as motivation - as I know it is what my wife deserves.

    Still peeking at times - but oddly with no temptation to act on it at all. woke up with great morning wood today. make me feel so alive! Need to focus on my victories and how vital it is to have healthy behaviors in my life.
    Mozenjo likes this.
  3. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Stay vigilant, p-f. The peeking will do us in if we don't eliminate it. The temptation to act on it will return, so we need some resolve ready to go when that happens.
    Have a great, clean day!
    path-forward likes this.
  4. path-forward

    path-forward Well-Known Member

    Thanks my friend for your support! And yes you are correct on the peeking!!
  5. path-forward

    path-forward Well-Known Member

    Haven’t posted for a bit. Have been on vacation with my wife since last Tuesday. We had a romantic Thanksgiving just the two of us.
    unfortunately both of us seem to have caught a respiratory bug. Not covid or the flu. But has been much worse for my wife given her overall health situation.

    But she was feeling better this morning so we made love. It was sexy and sweet, but despite my dick thankfully getting hard fairly quickly - I had to fight through PIED concerns given my binging 2 weeks ago. My wife sensed my fears and used dirty talk, some sexy moves and even verbal reassurance to calm me. It all worked out ok in the end- but it was a big lesson in how PMO and peeking do not just cause “real issues” in one’s body - but also saps one of the self-confidence and expectation of performing.

    This insight is probably obvious to many - and I suppose not really surprising to me either - but it’s also another motivation to practice abstinence from PMO and peeking.
    Mozenjo, Thelongwayhome27 and Saville like this.
  6. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Yup! Even casual looking, every other week or month, will deflate the penis. Think about the O-rings on the Challenger rocket. The rest of the rocket was perfect. One little thing and BOOM!
    Mozenjo and path-forward like this.
  7. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Good analogy, Saville. My O-rings are worn out...even a small amount of peeking will take its toll. And how many times is it just a "quick peek" anyway?
    Glad you and your wife had a nice Thanksgiving, path-forward! Keep up the good work!
    Saville and path-forward like this.
  8. path-forward

    path-forward Well-Known Member

    Well tonight was a relapse. Not "totally" making excuses haha - but one that was triggered by a deep desire for sexual relief. But still a PMO relapse ofc.

    my wife is very sick rn and has terrible body aches. So for 2 days in a row, I gave her a full body massage in the nude. I am actually fairly good at it and she was very appreciative. But it left me rock hard and very horny. So it was a bit of a mercy mission. Lol. But nonetheless - still a fail.
    Counter is reset.
    Last edited: Dec 1, 2022
  9. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    That must have been difficult. The inner-addict knows how to convince us to come back to porn and once the idea to make an 'exception' for an extraordinary situation comes to mind, it is very difficult to get rid of it again. Every time we scratch this itch, the itching will increase.
    path-forward, Mozenjo and Saville like this.
  10. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    This is still an after-effect of your use the time before. This is how pernicious this addiction is.
    path-forward and Mozenjo like this.
  11. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    I doubt I would have had the fortitude to keep from releasing after 2 nights of nude massages. I think if there were no pixels involved, you could have kept the counter going. But the dopamine was in full gear, and it did what it does.
    Hang in there, p-f. Just the fact that you and your wife are comfortable together speaks volumes.
  12. path-forward

    path-forward Well-Known Member

    Gil, Saville and Moz - Thanks for all the supportive and insightful feedback. It is very deeply appreciated.

    And yes. I assume opening my pathways from my mid Nov binge are still making me vulnerable. And I wish I could have MOed without P. But it’s all sadly too intertwined for me.

    Moz. Thanks for you kind comment about my relationship with my wife. She is a very sweet lady.

    back on the horse!
    Gil79 likes this.
  13. path-forward

    path-forward Well-Known Member

    Life has been a huge struggle lately between my wife's health issues, some family things to sort out with my kids, and even some issues with some old friends. While I know it will all get sorted out - the holiday season is very bad timing for all of this. As I have some other baggage associated with the season. So package that all together and I had a relapse tonight. Tho at least my dick was strong and there was no edging. Still very frustrating ofc. But in the end - I need to focus on maintaining my self-confidence in my dick - as that is my biggest motivator to stay on course.
    Mozenjo and Saville like this.
  14. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Yes, same here, path-forward. Whatever the motivator is, we should use it for all the power it can bring. As you say, there are many things life throws at us that try to knock us off course. We need to stop letting that happen. It is up to us. Dust yourself off and carry on, my friend.
    path-forward likes this.
  15. path-forward

    path-forward Well-Known Member

    rough patch in life. just will leave it at that. only solace tonight was that my PMO was only 3 min long and rock hard with no meds. But lots of negatives here ofc. just need to get through the holiday season. always tough for me. almost didnt post this. but trying very hard to stay disciplined and honest here.
    Mozenjo and Saville like this.
  16. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    I applaud your honesty, my friend. Listen, you have SO much going for you. You rocked it earlier like a boss. There is a hint of you feeling sorry for yourself and you need to ditch that. I believe in you!
    path-forward and Mozenjo like this.
  17. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Dittos on what Saville said, p-f. It could have been worse, yes, but you wouldn't have posted if you thought it was insignificant. And good on you for coming straight here to say it. Any setback hurts at this stage in our recovery, I know that very well. We're on your side. Have a good, clean day, brother.
    path-forward likes this.
  18. path-forward

    path-forward Well-Known Member

    @Saville and @Mozenjo As always - thanks so much for your support, encouragement and CANDOR! It's all appreciated! And yes - there is definitely a tone of feeling bad for myself Mr. Saville. And I very much respect your directness in saying so and Mr Moz for echoing the feeling. But its also wrapped up in triggers from PTSD level teenage trauma as well. Something I never mentioned here before and really don't want to get into - or imply that its my on-going crutch.

    But just suffice to say, that this is a particularly challenging time of year in general - and this year is harder than most. I have never used actual medications to deal with my "stuff" but clearly have used PMO as a way to self-medicate.

    I will def keep up the fight - but I know Dec will be my toughest challenges. But no matter what - I will remain honest with myself and with this forum.

    I know what I need to do and may just need a bit of time to get back on track.

    But I have definitely not given up the fight!

    Thanks again for the support of brothers here! Would never have gotten this far without you!
    Gil79 and Saville like this.
  19. rabotaz

    rabotaz Member

    Hi Path-forward,

    First time I am posting on your thread.

    Just wanted to add that I relapsed too yesterday, after a number of days of staying clean. Keep it up (indeed let’s start together another round against this addiction ;-)) Your struggles with health issues in the family, kids and more echoes a bit my situation.

    For me PMO is just that simple and quick way out of the stress.

    Let’s find healthier ways. Good luck!
    path-forward likes this.
  20. path-forward

    path-forward Well-Known Member

    hey Rab! Great to connect! and thanks for your encouraging and candid post! we all need the support of our brothers here! and really appreciate you reaching out! Best of luck with your own fight and in coming to a healthy resolution of your own emotional challenges.

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