Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Bobo, Oct 5, 2017.
You're allowed a weird day.
Are you allowed a weird day when you're weird anyway?
I seem to be very restless today. Heather says I need sex that will calm me down. She picked up on the restlessness on her own, I said nothing. Nope, libido at low level---- bj might be very calming? I spoke to Heather today and said I speak to you every day I need to be quiet for a few days. Her answer " ok so I will come over and fuck you but I won't talk to you !" Hahaha---- hmmm maybe a very positive situation !
It's especially important if you're weird. lol I know I'm pretty weird for most people.
Yup, know what you mean
While I have a regular sex life with Heather I still struggle with fantasy. I don't M anymore and I don't seem to miss it. Haven't M for 16 months or more, and now seems to have been a total waste of time and energy. Fantasy gets me going sometimes--- usually when Heather and I are just exhausted from the sex or have fucked ourselves into oblivion. I have to be careful with fantasy since I spent so many years with it. I am so glad I am here today and not back where I was, listless, distraught and clueless how to improve my life.
Interestingly enough Heather dosent like porn. Fortunate for me. She once said to me "why would I want a man that needs to see another woman fucking while he does me ?" A good point and she dosen't know about my past with porn. If she wanted to watch some porn I would have a real problem. Life is good-----
I would definitely not like it if my wife wanted to watch P. Heather is a healthy woman. She sounds uncomplicated and sure of her self. Lucky you! She's lucky too.
You were ready to get healthy, and when we're in that state of mind we meet the right people, or rather they are attracted to us.
Heather has a very sexy body. When naked she would make any man go nuts. Yes I am lucky as she is. "When the student is ready the master will appear." Sex is fulfilling but like you said after you ejaculate what then? Affection and mental closeness and a feeling of non pressure. Yes, I am lucky very lucky.
Today a very reflective day for me. I don't care for football so distant day--- everyone plugged into it --- or so it seems. I have been thinking today how different my life is now as compared to what it was. Funny was thinking if Jennifer (dead wife) was here to see this what she would say ? Am I moving along? To what? I am down to 210 lbs, lost 50 lbs, am dancing again and lithe and healthy I think. Pecker works ( usually fuck Heather to death ) and dont abuse beer anymore. Want to retire sometime in next 5 years. Wonder how that will go over with Heather if we are still together? Heather usually becomes super sexual when we dance--- like whoa! Yes, a very reflective day --- um would she be (extremely sexual ) if we didn't dance? Maybe thinking too much.
I'm not into football anymore, either.
Your life, like mine, has done a 180. What I like is you are pretty much taking your life as it comes. We only have today, so why project into the future?
Wow, 50lbs! I'm not there yet, but I'm working on it.
You will make it !(50 lbs)'
Hell yeah I will! Once I'm down to my fighting weight I'm going to celebrate with an ice beer.
YEAH MAN !
Dancing gig tonite. Very sexy brunette at club and became tempted. Then I thought '' hello --- what Am I doing ? Doing another woman for ego--- to prove to the addict I am truly unethical and stupid---- which he thinks I am? That really woke me up--- but boy was she sexy! You can never underestimate the addict ! Fuck him !
There's a ton of sexy babes out there and they are just window dressing.
No you can't! And, yeah, fuck that bastard! Great job seeing it for what it was, Bobo.
I have been reading many other journals.
I always read just now I feel compelled to "super read" everything I can. THE REAL DEAL : ITS ME THERE IS NO THEM ! I CONTROL NO ONE ELSE CONTROLS! There is no act of temptation, no distress, no challenge ! You cannot make a deal here. You decide, you either do it or you do not ! If you think you can do this in a short time when you have a habit of pmo you had better think again but it will happen if you resist and carry on.
I love reading the other journals of men who have committed themselves to really getting better. Many questions are answered in the pages of these journals.
I am concerned that there are a group of men that seem to want to make a deal, that think they should be rewarded for doing what is necessary to really get better. Perhaps, I am reading to much in here but I do not think so. There is no doubt --- this is a tough road. Changing oneself is brutal, its disgusting and its disheartening. Giving up pmo is a part of it but changing self is the part that is gut wrenching and the part that is necessary to truly give up pmo. It's where the addict lives, it's his home his territory. Be prepared for a fierce battle. Remember he only has the power you give him. You are invincible--- believe it ----act it.
This attitude lurks in the dark recesses of my mind. Every once and a while, he will slither out and speak in such persuasive terms and tones. Generally, he comes on cue... as most habits do... when I am in a situation conducive or remeniscent of my former PMO habits. But he comes out for MO, for booze, for binge-eating, etc.
Better look him in the eyes and get to know how to recognise him!
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