Abdullah's Journal

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by Adbullah, May 7, 2012.

  1. Adbullah

    Adbullah New Member

    Hello everyone,

    I'm new here, so I guess I should start with telling you a little about myself.

    22, male, and I assume like most here, I've pretty much grown up with porn since my early teens. As you can probably tell by my name, I'm muslim. I've tried removing porn from my life before, and got to 2 months before I relapsed, and ever since then I haven't met the issue with much determination (which was about a year ago). I want to keep this journal to keep myself motivated.

    I'm not trying to give up for ED issues, it isn't really a concern yet, as I'm not married and will not be with a woman till I am. I am doing this to sort my life out. PMO is probably the biggest killer of time, not just while you are doing it, but also by the way it makes you feel, and there are so many better things to be doing.

    At the moment I have 3 weeks of exams, and I feel I have wasted a lot of time where I should have been studying (or sleeping in order to wake up early the next day) with porn and masturbation.

    My goal is to never again to turn to porn or masturbation.

    I like this forum, I've been reading around it today and am pleased to find that there are many people here that think like me.

    If you have any questions, ask away.
  2. Yogi

    Yogi New Member

    Hi Abdullah,

    welcome to this safe haven for porn addicts!

    Yes I recognize your feelings of having wasted your time. How much time I have wasted in my life on something that never gave me anything back!!

    From experience I can tell you that a journal really is the best way to stay motivated. Quiting porn becomes something 'real', something you keep track of, and about which you feel really proud.

    What really helps me also is setting a definite time for the reboot. I personally aim to not masturbate for 80 days in total. Not masturbating in my experience is essential if you want to quit this addiction. Masturbation is a very strong trigger for wanting to PMO.

    The best of luck to you!
  3. Welcome, Abdullah

    The first thing you should do is install some porn blockers, like K9. Absolutely essencial.

    Yeah. I can relate to you on that one. I spent too much time PMOing when I should have been studying.

    Good luck!
  4. Adbullah

    Adbullah New Member

    Day 4

    Thanks for the warm welcomes and tips.

    As per Yogi's wise words, I think I should set a finite target, just so I can track my progress. I'll go for 100 days, an ex (US)marine told me that they were taught that in order to make or break a habit, you should spend 90 days. That seems to be the common number around here too, but 100 is nice and round, lol.

    As soon as I rechecked this thread I decided to install K9. I'm actually surprised as to how intelligent it actually is compared to other filters I had used in the past. I think this will be a great aid in giving up PMO.

    As for today, this is day 4 of no PMO. I seriously felt like PMOing today, but the combined factor of posting this journal and having the filter installed prevented me. I just had a nagging feeling all day telling me to give in. It is a persistently annoying feeling.

    One instant benefit I have found is that I sleep earlier, and as a result wake earlier. This isn't so much neurological as it is physical. It's simply because I'm not staying up watching porn.

    I also managed to do some studying today, not as much as I had wanted, but I guess that's just me procrastinating.

    I also planned on going for a run today, but ended up not going - due to being a lazy git. Tomorrow, god willing!

    Putting all of this stuff in writing is somewhat therapeutic.

  5. John4MyLife

    John4MyLife New Member

    I am right there with you my friend. Keep going. There's a great saying, "when you're going through hell ...just keep going." That's what it has felt like in the past. When the cravings get really bad you almost have to just laugh at yourself like "this is some crazy shit I am feeling right now." And then just keep going. You can do this. John.
  6. Adbullah

    Adbullah New Member

    Day 5

    Just an update to say I'm still going and no PMO. Been busy today, swill post a proper update tomorrow.

    Thanks for your advice and kind words John4myLife, it's a real boost.

    CleanHands: That's encouraging, looking forward to it. Today I woke up at 5, went for a workout, and am going to sleep now (2300). First time in longer than I can remember.
  7. Adbullah

    Adbullah New Member

    Abdullah's Journal, Day 8

    Day 8

    Haven't updated for a few days. Been so busy with exams.

    Some observations I've made in the last few days.

    -Getting a good start to the day helps enormously with keeping your focus off porn and masturbation, and your focus on something more productive
    - Exercise also helps
    - Prayer focusses the mind
    - Having something to do all day helps a lot

    and unrelated to PMO, but important nonetheless

    - going to sleep with a plan and solid intention to carry that out helps you wake up the first time your alarm goes off

    So I've kept free of PMO for the last 3 days, today was harder than any other day so far. I really really wanted to PMO, or at least MO. Thank the Lord for the K9 filter (and bluecoat web security, lol). In fact, the days from Wednesday to Friday were relatively desire free. Even to the extent that whenever I left the house I would keep my gaze from staying upon a woman. What's the point of ogling a woman if you can't be with her? Isn't it just another objectification, and in essence that is exactly what I am trying to fight. I'm sure that this will also accelerate my recovery. Isn't checking ladies out for no other reason than desire just a (very) mild form of pornography?

    I'm also glad I didn't tamper with the default settings on K9. Youtube is a major trigger for me if I'm alone on my laptop. Youtube is full of erotic material, so at least for me, it isn't safe.
  8. Nassob

    Nassob New Member

    Hey man.

    Just saying I really relate to what you wrote. I´m a christian and therefore intend to remove masturbation and porn forever from my life. And also ED is not a problem for me for the same reason as you.

    Good luck with your fight, and I will be checking for your updates.
  9. Kriticalmass01

    Kriticalmass01 New Member

    Hey Abdullah

    I'm muslim too so I know what you're going through :) I'm at Day 4 Have a lot of patience and strong will. Keep yourself occupied either doing physical activities or with other company. Also keep yourself in remembrance of God and you are pleasing Him to become "clean" so-to-speak.

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