a short guy's Journal

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by a short guy, Feb 28, 2013.

  1. bright_eyes

    bright_eyes Master of My Own Mind?

    Umm. I feel unworthy to respond... But a little thing like that has never stopped me. I agree that there are many areas of North America where the men and women tend to be unfit. But there are some areas where the men and women are generally fit. Is there any chance of a trip to Colorado, Oregon, and Washington, which are some of the fittest states in the U.S.?

    Disclaimer: If you are already living in one of the fittest states, we will have to consider international travel.
  2. bork_gray

    bork_gray Beaker doesn't "bork" like the Chef.

    Thanks for your comments. Glad you're taking my issue to heart.

    There are fit people in my neck o the woods. And there are less fit people everywhere, too. And it's mostly just a perceptual thing, a way that my mind imposes upon itself a constraint that probably isn't necessary. But, here's the thing ...

    If you aren't in a SOCIAL CONTEXT in which the level of availability and bare minimum attractiveness is adequate, then it doesn't matter how much skill you have at picking out the one rare outlier who happens to be different from the prevailing context. If she's attractive enough to me, but is only one in every million, then she is free to behave as though she is only one in a million, no matter where she happens to be.

    The same holds true for sexual mores, and for the "adjusted" North American pair-bond (which I dislike) and how to avoid it. No matter how good I personally am, at standing outside of the social constraints that surround us, I am still bound at least at a bare minimum by the fact that the other people whom I meet within those constraints are working within those constraints. I personally would prefer that (for example) all humans fuck on the first date. Most balanced people would like to get it out of the way early, too. But society tells us this is a no-no. Now, no matter how bright I am, about realizing that society is all washed up on this subject, I can't just snap my fingers and make everyone else agree with me, that society is all washed up on the subject. I may be a sexual libertine; and I may be quite correct that all humans ought to be sexual libertines; but the rest of the population isn't simply going to magically go along with my new and brave plan to improve our society; rather, they're going to simply see me as an odd-ball, someone who doesn't play by the rules. So, although it's advantageous to recognize that there are constraints out there that require certain non-beneficial behaviors merely because of quirks of history, recognizing them is only half the battle. I can stand outside the box all I want; all my potential girlfriends are all waiting to be met inside the box. I have to go back in there to meet them, even if THEY would also want to stand outside the box.

    And so the same for sexual attraction. If she's hot, she's "supposed" to be bitchy to me; if I think she's hot, she's "supposed" to follow suit; etc.. Doesn't matter how great of a job I do at figuring out that it's all just a game. I still gotta play it, because otherwise she won't ever meet me and learn that I dislike it just like she does.
  3. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member

    Just clocking in, been very busy, working, not on computer much, all is very well, completely through with P and I don't expect to eat my words but no one ever does so staying focused, thanks for your thoughts Gray Bork, I've read your posts, it's a lot to assimilate, I hope it's helping to verbalize, hope you get some helpful thoughts from others, I'll comment when more time if I feel compelled, but one thing to mention... all this talk about hot girls in very vivid and engaging prose has been kind of a trigger. Today I started thinking of "the woman of my dreams" that turned me down, her memory is a fantasy that has fulfilled many an MO session for the past 8 years. Realized how important it is for me to practice choosing not to think of her, which I can do and reluctantly am doing. Which led me to realize how important techniques like meditation are - learning to choose one's thoughts, curb one's fantasies, control one's mind, change one's brain on purpose.
  4. Arthur Redux

    Arthur Redux Guest

    you're doing great A Short Guy. I think you have a really good handle on what you need to do and how to do. Keep doing it.

    No going back.
  5. Omega Man

    Omega Man Everything counts.

    Gray Bork: you bring up a lot of interesting points here, and I can relate to most of them. We are on the same page as far as what constitutes "hot". The idea of desire for variety is an interesting one too. My eyes are always wandering, my mind always comparing. As you said, it's this background mechanism, it's not like I'm going around like The Terminator and scanning and evaluating every detail consciously.

    And I hear you on having to "meet in the box and play the game".
  6. bork_gray

    bork_gray Beaker doesn't "bork" like the Chef.

    @ Omega: glad we can communicate.

    @ a short guy" -- your thread became usurped for a bit there. Sorry for the hijack! :I
  7. Omega Man

    Omega Man Everything counts.

    @Gray Bork: indeed!

    Was going to apologize for the thread hijacking as well!
  8. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member

    No Problem.

    Day.... I forget what day I'm on, I think 25 or 27. One day more or less than the date. No PMO. No MO.

    I'm staying focused on making healthy changes in my life. Meditating and doing yoga more often (is helping me to remain calm and present), getting plenty of sleep, eating well and juicing vegetables, staying away from sugar, brainstorming business ideas, basically using the time that I would be PMOing doing those things I've wanted more time, energy and focus to do.

    This is especially a significant occasion, my wife is away for 10 days and I'm home alone... any other time this would have been either a great time to binge or a very frustrating time trying not to. I'm staying purposefully focused on my intention, I'm feeling calm and present, not worried, not frustrated. This is a new experience. I've never before been able to be alone like this with full computer access feeling no interest.. no serious interest. Other times I made sure I didn't have the computer with me, when I did have it with me I'd always cave to P. This time NO WAY. Period.

    I have had 25 years of compulsive over-indulgence in sugar, sweets, candy, ice cream... I really cut back 5 years ago and haven't eaten hardly any sugar for a year, even a little makes me nauseous now. I lost my sugar craving about 6 months ago. One week into my reboot I ate an entire bag of chocolate chips. As I was eating I'd feel sick and a bit nauseous, I'd stop for a bit till the nausea subsided than eat more till I felt sick again, then wait a bit, felt better, eat more, feel sick, pause, feel better, eat more.... till they were gone. It felt like a substitute chemically for P at the time and it seemed help. Haven't had the desire for more.

    Was at the supermarket/grocery store this afternoon and was really noticing how unhealthy and overweight most of the women, and men, were. It made me feel sad. We all have a choice, but it's not made easier by the world we now live in. Most of the food in our stores are unhealthy, much of it not fit for human consumption in my opinion, most of it highly processed to the point of being more of a drug with the sugars, sugar substitutes, corn, soy plus unpronounceable additives, questionable nutritional value and often not resembling real food. Clever and colorful marketing much like P... food-porn, and with government subsidizing it - the corn, the soybeans, the sugar.
  9. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member

    Inspiring quotes from Arthur Redux - http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=7513.msg130467#msg130467

  10. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member

    More inspiring quotes from Alfalfa: -

  11. Omega Man

    Omega Man Everything counts.

    I think you'll sail through these 10 days as long as you stay vigilant. You seem to be on the path already. Stay away from those other overindulgences as well. I notice my willpower erodes as I give in to self-gratification in any area. Those sugary and fatty foods affect the same areas we are trying to heal, and those that manufacture them are fully aware of that power.

    Keep on as you have been man!
  12. bork_gray

    bork_gray Beaker doesn't "bork" like the Chef.

    Ten days of opportunity but ten days of porn avoided is twenty days of strength!
  13. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member

    Yes, I agree! I shall.

    I like how you count!
  14. alfalfa

    alfalfa Guest

    Makes good sense to me, since deltaFosB impedes impulse control for fatty/sugary foods as well (source: http://yourbrainonporn.com/garys-research-neuroplasticity-addiction-deltafosb-lay).

    It's becoming clearer to me that I am trying to retrain my brain to restore normal impulse control in general by starving off deltaFosB. PMO was just the worst/most socially and personally unacceptable symptom that brought me to this point.
  15. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member

    Addictions and mental health illnesses are not to be taken lightly. It is necessary for one's health and happiness to be able to be somewhat in control of one's brain, one's emotions, one's actions and not be tormented and controlled by substances, obsessions or compulsions. It's important to learn to able to change one's brain for the better if it's gone awry. It can be devastating if it runs out of control for years, one can become really sick, really suffer and possibly die an early death. In this business of dealing with addictions and with our brains, we must do whatever it takes to figure our shit out. It's tough. It's hell. It takes courage and determination. But no one else can do it for us. We can support each other, we can be there, we can care, but ultimately one has to sit in the control seat of one's brain and push some levers, turn some knobs, fiddle with the dials. Maybe we don't know how to drive the thing, this complicated brain, but we've got to figure it out!

    One relative of mine with a mental illness committed suicide a few days ago (he is finally a peace) and another with an addiction is in the hospital on her death bed. Mental illnesses and addictions destroy life, torture and sadden families.

    I am so grateful for all you guys here on YBR and thank you for teaching me SO MUCH!!! My life is definitely changing for the better in no small part from reading your stories, thoughts, advice and encouragement!.... all in one short month.

    I am proud of myself in that I have recovered fully from years of depression, I am happier now more than I have ever been in my life. Things are really improving inside my head during this reboot... it's not just the reboot, but it coincides with so many other self-improvement changes in my life. I'm feeling a dark veil is lifting. You guys came along at the right time.
  16. bright_eyes

    bright_eyes Master of My Own Mind?

    I hear what you're saying, ASG, and I couldn't agree more. Stopping the porn is just a starting point for many other improvements. The Long Black Veil has indeed been lifted.

  17. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the music. I was thinking of that song at the time...
  18. Arthur Redux

    Arthur Redux Guest

    That's nice to hear, but I think I could speak for everyone A Short Guy that you yourself have been a very positive light here as well.
  19. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member

    Thanks Arthur. I do strive be positive, hopeful, helpful and loving, that's my MO ("Modus operandi"). "Let your light so shine before men..." - Matthew 5:16
  20. Omega Man

    Omega Man Everything counts.

    Agreed on the general impulse control. I noticed from looking back on my relapses (especially having a few in one week), that it was a period of "screw it, I want to feel good and I want the easy solution". I was eating some sugary/crap foods, indulging in other stimulants like beer and weed. I now see that even the "overdose" on sugary snacks were a trigger. May not have been P, but it targeted the same parts of the brain I am trying to heal. My clever addict brain started a cascade of instant gratification that swept me along with it.

    Cutting off the beer is going to be easy, since I think I'm just done with the severe hangovers I get even from just 4-6 of them now. I'm talking 2-3 days worth of hangover. I've drank less and less over the years to the point where I barely do it anymore anyways. The weed is much easier as I've always been even more infrequent with it. Now I just need to stay way from sugary crap.

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