a short guy's Journal

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by a short guy, Feb 28, 2013.

  1. bright_eyes

    bright_eyes Master of My Own Mind?

    I am keeping no options open. I have closed them and sealed them shut. There will be no more P for me. I "Can't Go Back".
     
  2. bork_gray

    bork_gray Beaker doesn't "bork" like the Chef.

    That's what I wanted to hear from you. I think ... :eek:
     
  3. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member

    Right on bright eyes.

    Gray Bork, I'm just trying to put P into a "no option" category, and trying to get myself to truly believe it is in that category, maybe there is no true "no option" category, maybe I have to create one. OK, I'll create one.... Done. OK P, in you go. Slam! Filed under the "Not an option" category. Now I take the "no option" file with P in it, crumple it into a ball and throw it into the circular file, a black hole that nothing can ever get out of, two points, there forever.
     
  4. bork_gray

    bork_gray Beaker doesn't "bork" like the Chef.

    Well, I guess so. It isn't exactly what I wanted to hear, since I don't understand black holes or basketball (though I consider the two to be roughly equivalent in lost time). :)
     
  5. Omega Man

    Omega Man Everything counts.

    Totally agree here. My tagline is "no peeking", because I found myself slowly drawn back into the P from the peeking. A relapse after 31 days was the result. As others have mentioned, it's tough because even back in PMO days, my triggers could be pretty tame by P standards. My problem is/was with amount/novelty, not content escalation.
     
  6. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member

    I like the tag line Omega Man. After a period of refraining, getting back into P started with peeking at mildly suggestive images, over days of peeking at increasingly suggestive images I would be back at it.

    I'm not counting the days. But I do want to see "100", that will be a nice number. For me, P is no option out of choice. Unfortunately I realize there is no guarantee better than that. But I have resolve. I like the black hole image - imagining putting P into a black hole (though according to Stephen Hawking it's not true that nothing can get out of a black hole). But really, ultimately it is just my choice. No P. No PMO. No MO. MO is not a "no option" but I don't think it would be helpful, would just probably mess up my brain chemicals. Haven't been interested in MO. No O. Intimate with my wife and enjoying each others company but haven't had sex. We've been busy but I think a sexual rendezvous is in the cards. Feeling good. Generally happy. Glad to have YBR forum.

    Short list of some current benefits/positive experiences for me during this reboot time of no PMO (updated 3/18/13):

    - Generally feeling happier, less negative thinking
    - Generally less stressed, less anxious, less high strung, more centered and calm
    - Less angry, letting go of angry feelings more easily and quickly
    - Not self abusive, few (rare) thoughts of self-loathing, self-hate, putting myself down (At times of increased tension, frustration and anxiety like during an ongoing stressful family situation or when regularly PMOing I have tended to get angry at myself, yell abusively at myself and sometimes hit my head when no one's around and be in a bad mood, I do this far less. Mostly it's just negative self-talk anymore and rare when not PMOing)
    - Have not hit my head, and no inclination to do so
    - More sleep, getting to bed earlier, not sleep deprived
    - Having pleasant dreams (though I rarely have bad dreams so this is unremarkable)
    - Waking up generally happy, glad to not be PMOing (not waking up upset with myself for having PMO'd the day before)
    - No painful prostate (it does get sore with regular PMO)
    - Finding my wife more attractive, accepting her as she is, not comparing her to P images
    - Enjoying intimate moments of touch and affection, looking into her eyes and feeling the love
    - Liking myself more, feeling good about myself
    - Getting more work done... a little more, I do find myself involved in this forum and at YBOP and related sites, though time well spent, not wasting time with P
    - Doing a lot more stretching, yoga, meditation, relaxation techniques
    - Eating well, though I eat well anyways, eating better because less stress-induced poor eating
    - Near vision is better though not perfect, eyes feel more relaxed (near vision is more blurry for me during times of emotional stress and physical tension, P is one of those activities that increases my anxiety leading to overall physical tension including eye strain)
    - Breathing more relaxed and full, more of using diaphragm, relaxed abdomen, less chest breathing and holding of my breath (related to decreased anxiety)
    - Less headaches, less neck and shoulder pain and tension (not completely gone but better, directly related to less anxiety and anger episodes - having low back pain which I haven't had for months, more of a muscle soreness from overuse and less a feeling of injury, may be due to increased stretching and yoga and not doing it mindfully)
    - More time to do other things
    - Reading more books
    - Spending more time critically thinking about my life, seriously implementing things to improve it (mostly just choosing to have a positive attitude, choosing to as quickly as possible let go of negative thoughts when I have them, choosing feelings that feel good and letting go of feelings that don't through relaxation and breathing techniques that reduce anxiety and refocus my mind. It's easier for me to improve my life and my self when not using P. When using P I feel like I'm in constant crisis and distraction, I'm just hanging in there and treading water and not improving....)


    "The message of this lecture, is, that black holes ain't as black as they are painted. They are not the eternal prisons they were once thought. Things can get out of a black hole, both to the outside, and possibly, to another universe. So, if you feel you are in a black hole, don't give up. There's a way out."
    - Stephen Hawking​
     
  7. Arthur Redux

    Arthur Redux Guest

    Thank you for that Stephen Hawking quote. It's well applicable to us former PMO practitioners.

    No going back, no looking back.

    Arthur
     
  8. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member

    Thank you Stephen Hawking.

    All's well. Feel sad when I see others struggling, relapsing, dealing with that. Know we're all just a pixel away at anytime but also realize it's a journey, a process, a maturity thing that's bigger than the addiction.... and a good thing all in all.

    Realized today that my most common and powerful triggers are photos on mailed advertisements, mailers, catalogs, harmless looking pictures of wholesome and often fully clothed women with cheery faces on normal everyday household junk mail. There eyes.... familiar. Most likely from earlier years, the 1970's, of using Sears catalogs and such.

    Decided Not to go with my wife to visit her mother at the nursing home last night and watch Dancing With The Stars with the elderly folk. DWTS is too much of a trigger at this time.
     
  9. Arthur Redux

    Arthur Redux Guest

    Yeah ... I agree, same for me. Seemingly tame things like DWTS can be a trigger. It's important to be smart and to manage our lives in an intelligent way. Not to be lazy, but to take the initiative and manage our lives with the brain inside our heads. We've got a brain, use it or lose it :) So it's great Short Guy that you took that "management step".
     
  10. better_reward

    better_reward High-speed connection is an oxymoron.™

    Hey a short guy. Thanks for the link to "The "Porn is NOT an Option" Mindset [DECLASSIFIED]" which you credit from getting from TheAndersMan's journal. Really gave me pause to think about my commitment to quit. The part that hit home was a quote from Journey to Freedom's journal:
    "I have reached the point in time where staying away from PMO is easier than giving into temptation. I have come to a profound realization -- it would be much harder to go back on the path of depression, anxiety, PMO-addiction than it would be to keep abstaining from it."
    Such a revolutionary idea for me. I loved it!

    Sounds like you're doing strong. Best.
     
  11. Omega Man

    Omega Man Everything counts.

    Although not the same, I too have seemingly innocuous triggers. I guess that points to this being a problem for me. My recent relapse was triggered by an ad with a cover of a magazine that you'd find anywhere. I Googled it for a larger shot. It just went downhill from there. The tough thing for me is that this kind of stuff is EVERYWHERE. I feel like an alcoholic living inside a liquor store.
     
  12. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member

    Yes, "this kind of stuff" is everywhere, for us life is our liquor store. It's like we're addicted to milk and cookies.

    I truly believe that although it may be a difficult journey to true recovery, someday we will live amongst the triggers of life comfortably. I did not believe this a few weeks ago. I had 40 years with gradual improvement, longer times of refraining but no real and permanent solution in sight. Then YBOP website, this fabulous forum and learning about the brain's neuroplastic ability. Realizing this - I can change my brain on purpose - has helped me tremendously. A book that really helped was "The Brain That Changes Itself" by Norman Doidge, MD.
     
  13. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member

    I like this ...from Journey to Freedom's journal http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/im-going-reveal-you-1-secret-overcome-pornography-addiction:

    "I have reached the point in time where staying away from PMO is easier than giving into temptation. I have come to a profound realization -- it would be much harder to go back on the path of depression, anxiety, PMO-addiction than it would be to keep abstaining from it."
     
  14. bork_gray

    bork_gray Beaker doesn't "bork" like the Chef.

    Agreed. I also feel that way sometimes. The ubiquity makes it not less stimulating, but more pervasive. So to speak ...

    For example, there's a pretty cool video-blogger whose vlog has recently been put up on the front page's margin at Your-Brain-On-Porn. His vlogs are pretty good, I found them funny, and I agree with most of his points. But to watch them I had to click through the link over to YouTube, and in the process of course YouTube popped up a bunch of "suggested videos" that were somehow related over on its own right margin. Well, guess what, since the video-blogger's titles are "sacred sexuality" and "avoid masturbation" the keywords, of course, popped up related videos of things like "hot chicks masturbating" and "tantra orgasm, sacred sexuality, and porn starlets gyrating to Indian music."

    Another thing that I keep getting trouble with is a certain scantily clad woman that is the main, nay only, right margin advertisement at a website that I regularly log into. I guess if I were finding that she actually caused a relapse, I'd have to do without that website. For now I'm able to ignore her long enough to get past the login screen and it isn't really causing me too much risk. For now.

    And on and on it goes. Yeesh. Can't win fer losin'.
     
  15. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member

    Gray Bork,
    I have Safari and use the extension "clea.ner Videos 5.0... turns YouTube and Amazon into clean, white, beautiful places".... gets rid of the suggested video in the right margin. If you don't use Safari, perhaps there are similar extensions for your browser. It's impossible to it all, but this has helped me.
     
  16. Omega Man

    Omega Man Everything counts.

    I agree it's a great line, but my problem is that I've yet to see a real escape from the depression and anxiety. In fact, those two things led to the recent relapse. I think sometimes the "superpowers" are played up way too much. I've seen guys 20 days in claim them, yet I saw no such results at 31 days. A few glimmers perhaps. I know we are all on different paths, but until I experience the benefits in a tangible way, I need to rely on the science, the support of you fine folks here, and my growing willpower.
     
  17. Omega Man

    Omega Man Everything counts.

    As ASG mentioned, you need to look into an ad blocker for your browser. I think I need the same as my recent relapse was triggered by an ad. To be honest, that's only going to cover some situations. In the end that approach will be little more than training wheels. We all need to install a P blocker in our minds.
     
  18. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member

    Exactly! Gotta wean oneself from the training wheels without falling over too many times.
     
  19. bork_gray

    bork_gray Beaker doesn't "bork" like the Chef.

    Thanks for the browser plug-in suggestion.

    As to super-powers ... if a guy had been way way down in the dumps, to a seriously detrimental level, before he started a reboot, then during the reboot any retrieval of even a minor portion of normal human skills and awareness might seem rather like super-powers to him, from his perspective, relative to his previous status. You might as well claim that your great new feeling is that you feel like Superman, if you're going to go through what feels like hell to get there!
     
  20. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member

    When I do feel good/healthy while not PMOing I have easily and quickly forgotten how bad/unhealthy I can feel while PMOing - Superman with Alzheimers. How I feel is not much of a deterrent for me by itself, I think the science has been the piece that was missing. I imagine myself forming new healthier neuropathways in my brain, I imagine the old unhealthy ones fading away like an old road unused with weeds and trees coming up through it crumbling the pavement. I do know that the trees could be cut down and the road repaved pretty quickly by using P.
     

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