a short guy's Journal

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by a short guy, Feb 28, 2013.

  1. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member

    LTE, Yes. I appreciate your incites and learn a lot from reading your journal. Thank you.
  2. bork_gray

    bork_gray Beaker doesn't "bork" like the Chef.

    Howdy fellow traveler! :D
  3. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member

    Howdy back, Gray Bork! Just read your second journal... will check out your first journal in the near future. Congratulations on your first reboot! You did what you set out to do, let it go and move on it seems. Best wishes on this reboot! For me this is it, when I've "relapsed" it's been an uncontrolled crash every time. In the past month I've learned too much about my brain to go back to PMO.
  4. Omega Man

    Omega Man Everything counts.

    I've thought about the fact that I have no idea what it is like to live a life without regular masturbation. I probably would have tried this even if I didn't think I had a problem. Although I quit smoking a year ago, I still use an e-cig and No PMO made me realize I also have no idea what it's like to live without nicotine in my system, at least not for the past 20 years.

    I'm tired of being a slave to things I could have control over.
  5. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member

    Right on. OK, now I have to purposefully live life, mindfully, choosing my thoughts and feelings and actions. Redirecting myself from unhealthy thoughts, anxiety and dopamine producing feelings and unproductive actions. No time to write and realizing I have much to contemplate and work on. This is a big life changing job!!!!!!

    Still on track!
  6. LTE

    LTE Master Of My Domain

    It is a big job, but a very rewarding one.
  7. Arthur Redux

    Arthur Redux Guest

    management of self. we can do it.
  8. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member

    Going strong! Thanks for the encouragement!
  9. Omega Man

    Omega Man Everything counts.

    Great to hear! Stay on target!
  10. burgerkid

    burgerkid Member

    You can do it brother. I felt the shame too. We can beat this thing!
  11. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member

    Thanks burgerkid!
  12. Gino Miles

    Gino Miles Seeking the mindset that porn is not an option

    You are doing great short guy. I have decided not to try to filter my devices anymore, except for my cellphone. Instead, I come right here whenever I feel triggers.

    I kept the phone without any browser because the car was too tempting and easy because I am "alone" in the car.

    This sight is a gift.
  13. fcjl8

    fcjl8 The only path for me

    Nice going shortguy!

    Glad to read that your attitude is growing stronger! Beatles had a song number 9, right???
  14. LTE

    LTE Master Of My Domain

    Great, now that will be running through my head all night. The good news is that they found some Beatles masters that have been lost for decades. They did a sequel to that song, calling it Evolution Number Ten. :)
  15. Arthur Redux

    Arthur Redux Guest

    I like your numbers thing lol. A creative way to celebrate reaching a numbers-related goal! I'll look forward to hearing more of your creative ideas.
  16. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member

    I just checked out "Revolution 9" by the Beatles, they played around with cutting up and overlaying recording studio tape loops including an announcer saying "this is EMI test series number 9". John Lennon's favorite and lucky number was 9, his birthday was Oct. 9, he would be 72 today if he were still around.... silly stuff with no profound meaning that has occupied some time and beats PMOing.
  17. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member

    Thanks LTE, that got me out of the loop! This is an evolution, not a revolution.

    Day Number Ten:

    Some random thoughts, ideas and observations....

    Importance of meditation, being present, sitting quietly and just watching my breath, letting thoughts flow through me as I stay focused on my breath. This is difficult for me and therefore an important thing to practice. I think that anything that is difficult for my brain to do is a good thing, if it's "hurts" mentally it's exercising areas of my brain that have been neglected, it's developing new neuropathways. Good for developing the ability to focus, exercising my ability to concentrate and therefore have some control of my thoughts. I'm doing this more routinely. Meditation is practiced concentration.

    Woke up this AM with an erection. Glad ED has not been an issue for me. There was a time when I wished for something terrible that would motivate me to quit P. Alcoholics have cirrhosis, smokers have cancer, many addictions have dire consequences, great motivators... then again, plenty never quit and die. I don't think like that anymore. My motivation is the positive life changing aspects. Evolving into a new, healthier, self-actualised man.

    I have rarely dreamed of having sex, maybe a few times in my life. So long ago I don't remember. Odd. Plenty sexual dreams, cuddling, closeness... but no actual sex.

    Quitting any addiction is a personal growth journey. The actual addiction is only a symptom of so many underlying issues. It's those issues that have to be dealt with. For me P, MO and PMO has been used to medicate myself, to avoid evolving. I no longer get down on myself for using P, but I do get down on myself for not dealing with my issues straight on. I have so much life potential, and much has been wasted through avoiding growth by PMO. The first half or so of my life has been somewhat wasted on P.

    This is it for me - cold turkey. I quit many times before, and each time I quit longer and longer. Once for 9 months or so, so I know I can do it. But I was like a "dry drunk" for those whole 9 months. I am now focusing on my issues, dealing with them straight on. Changing my thoughts, behaviors, attitudes first...

    Thanks to all who have given words of wisdom and encouragement. I hope to give encouragement to others as well. Now for day ten of the evolution!
  18. Arthur Redux

    Arthur Redux Guest

    I think a benefit of no MO / PMO is that we can enjoy the little things of life far more ... such as the "silly stuff" you just described. We can feel and sense life, much more than before.
  19. bright_eyes

    bright_eyes Master of My Own Mind?

    Way to go, ASG. You've got it dialed in this time. I'm agreeing with pretty much everything you wrote about this personal growth journey.
  20. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member

    Good point, the finer and more subtle things in life may become more of a joy. They don't create as much of a dopamine rush and are drowned out by the rush from P.

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