a short guy's Journal

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by a short guy, Feb 28, 2013.

  1. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member

    I PMO'd Saturday. I was triggered by an good article critical of porn that was educational but oddly had an unecessary provocative image in it. I just flipped from disinterest to obsession, felt like it came out of the blue and unnecessary to do it. The last time I PMO'd was in April. Generally I have not had the interest or urge. I have masturbated, maybe once a month to thoughts of my wife. My wife and I continue to not have sex. I'm letting stress get in the way, keeps me fearfull of being present and intimate. At this point it's just a habit not to be sexual.

    I know I have a fear of rejection which is unfounded. I'm taking everything personally, regressing back to childhood reactions, feelings, fears. I am fully aware of all this stuff and have resolved it, but still falling into old patterns, almost out of laziness. I tend to PMO when I'm feeling good. If I feel depressed I don't PMO, because it just makes me feel worse. When I feel great and PMO, I still feel good afterwards because I have the intention to continue to feel good. But I know PMO-ing is holding me back, keeping me from being sexual with my wife. I do it instead.

    And, I used my phone. Too easy.
    Rudolf Geyse, jumptime and -Luke- like this.
  2. WastedYouth

    WastedYouth Member

    Hi Badger.

    I'm at a year and 8 months PM free and living alone during the week but see the gf most weekends.
    That helps of course and for some bizarre reason, I found the Covid lockdowns motivational and a challenge to my resolve for staying clean which I did.
    This website was inspirational too.

    It took many false starts to get to this stage after nearly 40 years of PMOing though I was in my mid-20s when the Internet, as we know it today, crystallised and P became more accessible.

    I came to the realisation that my mediocrity was likely attributable to my addiction as I am reasonably intelligent and fairly good looking from the reaction I get from women.These days, I rarely get the urge to PM and instead, much prefer the natural experience with my gf.

    Also, I view the visual act of PMO as ridiculous and a senseless waste of time and energy. I imagine looking at myself as another person in this instance. Works for me.

    While the fabled "superpowers" waned over time, I am most satisfied with all the improvements in my life related to work performance, relationships, desire for personal introspection and a general feeling of wellness due to getting adequate rest and interest in cooking wholesome meals for myself and others.
    I find the time I have now to just do useful things for myself and others is reward enough to stay the course.

    I haven't been on YBR for ages but thought I would drop past and see how others are doing and not because I have relapsed.

    Stick with it.

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