Howdy Give Me Strength, yeah, sometimes the fall is a big one. I'm not on here much, but I'm journaling because I just PMO'd yesterday. Seems like I'm getting on a once a month schedule. I'm not binging. And not getting in to it too deep but it's happening. For a while I thought I was completely done. But I'll just keep getting back on the wagon. (When I was a kid, I was on a Halloween hay ride and the wagon actually did tip over with lots of kids on it. Miraculously no one got hurt. We all just righted the wagon and got back on.) When I do PMO, I don't feel the drama and shame and obsessiveness as much as I use to. Generally I feel pretty darn good. Happier in my life than I ever have been. Lifestyle, diet, work good. Meditating, exercising. The big thing missing is having sex with my wife. It's not because of her. She wants to. I want to. I just keep getting distracted. I have this fear in me about having sex. Not of anything physical, it's more of abandonment feelings coming up again. I fear rejection. Not true rejection. My wife loves me and is willing to be sexual. I'm just caught up in my feelings of it feeling risky. It feels safer and easier to PMO. I have total control and no risk of rejection since it's all make believe. I do know that it's time to get over this fear of rejection. I've have plenty of therapy and have actually resolved things. Now it's just a habit that's easier than real sex. In truth, I'm just lazy at the moment. Taking the easy way. Easier to masturbate or PMO. A little guilt but no fears. It's time to move through the fear and start being romantic with my wife.. again. I usually come across loud and gregarious (or sometimes angry) too often rather than gentle and quiet which she tells me would be more romantic. Much to work on.