a short guy's Journal

Saville · Jan 14, 2019

A lot of positives, my friend. Sounds like things will just keep on getting better. All the best!!

NCBob · Jan 14, 2019

a short guy said: ↑

I hardly come here anymore. I have not PMO'd for 9 months. During that time I did briefly view some bikini and nudity a few times. I have less and less interest in porn. Sometimes there's an anxious moment in my life when I use to turn to porn but porn's feeling less like a option to utilize. Everything isn't perfect in my life but porn is losing it's place in my mind as a viable tool to deal with things.

Family situations are still stressful. A child custody case going on with a grandson. My wife and I living in an area where not sure we want to be. My wife and I are doing OK but haven't had sex in a while. It seems family stress just takes the spark out of us. I DO HAVE TO work on this! I am still feel rather depressed and self-absorbed sometimes and that keeps me from opening up and being sexual with my wife. Every month or so I wake up horny in the middle of the night and masturbate in the dark, at night beside my sleeping wife. She does not like to be awakened as she has a history of insomnia and would have trouble getting back to sleep. I'm not doing this right I know. I could be making life for us a little romantic, I could and should be wooing her... still I'm not... and know I should and would enjoy it, each other, we both would. Just need to step out of this rut.

I'm more involved in church and in my spirituality. That's a big factor in not going back to porn. It feels like such a low vibration, the memory of how terrible I feel afterward is still keeping me realizing how bad it would be for me to go back there. And generally it feels more disgusting than it use to.

Health is good for me and my wife. Eating well, healthy life styles both of us. I wasn't healthy when I was PMO-ing. Generally family is healthy except for that child custody thing which is going to be going on for a long time. Work is good although we lost all our savings in legal fees for family. Still we're not in debt and I enjoy my work.

I most difficult thing for me to work on improving is my judgmental attitude. I'm critical of others, family especially. I don't mention it and tend to keep it to myself. My spiritual faith helps, which is more metaphysical. I strive to see the good in others and in myself, but it isn't always easy.

I think the biggest factor in keeping myself away from porn is my involvement with family, friends, church. If I was a bachelor or had too much time alone it would be more difficult to stay away from porn. Luckily we live in a small place with extended family. Also I want to be a good role model for my grandson. I especially don't like the feelings I've had in the past of being secretive and sneaky.

It seems like I've lost touch and interest in this forum. It does take a lot of time and I am keeping myself busy with the real everyday things in life, family, work, creativity, cleaning the house, helping cook, maintenance. We are busy. We don't even have at TV hooked up. I'm playing music, guitar and piano, reading books, studying fields of interest, somethings I didn't have time for when PMO-ing. Riding my bike to work. Getting outside a lot. Going to the beach. Playing with my grandson.

So I guess this was an update of sorts. Things are OK. Life is stressful but I am handling it better than I use to.... when PMO-ing life was hell. Life is not always easy now but it is OK. It's not hell. Since quitting PMO-ing, which did happening quite cold turkey, but I really quit the daily unabated habit about six years ago, at the time I joined the forum, Feb. 27,2013. Went P-free for long stretches, 9 months, 6 months, 3 months, etc. rather than daily or weekly. Since the day I joined this forum I've learned and now practice regular meditation, regular yoga, eat well, sleep regularly, in general things are better. I'm got out of the dark pit of self-imposed hell.

All's I can say is thank you. I have such gratitude that I'm out of that dark and horrible place.

I can actually say now that I love myself. I truly do. Wow, that major. I have hated myself all my life and have only been able to consistently have love for myself within the past 6 months. It's the spiritual growth and the p-free time.

I wish the best for all on this forum. Peace.
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The best part of this is that you are able to say that you love yourself, a short guy That keeps things real and is the only thing that is real

Nice work!!!

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a short guy's Journal

Saville Well-Known Member

NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

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a short guy's Journal

Saville Well-Known Member

NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

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