a short guy's Journal

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by a short guy, Feb 28, 2013.

  1. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member

    Stickin' to my guns!
  2. bobjes

    bobjes Active Member

    Keep sticking to those guns Shortie!
    I bet you can.

  3. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member

    Still sticking' to my guns. Feeling thankful that I didn't go on a total binge. Determined.
  4. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member

    Thanks for betting on me, I'll do my best.
  5. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member

    Strongly feeling the call. Not going there, going to sleep instead. It's just a drug that won't solve my problems. A good night's sleep will do much better.
  6. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member

    Good day. Steering clear. Helps to just come here and say that. And it helps to make sure I get enough sleep.
  7. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member

    Another day, made it. Going to sleep now. Just forcing myself to hit the hay. Lights out.
  8. Rex

    Rex PMO free is the only way it's going to be for me.

    short guy,

    Keep up the good work! You can win this battle!

  9. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member

    Thanks Rex. I know I can :)

    Did it, went straight to bed, things are so much better after a good night's sleep. New Years Eve.... contemplating the coming year being porn free.
  10. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member

    11pm. First porn-free day of 2017. At night, with wife gone, is when the temptation is the greatest, the later I stay up the greater the temptation, so I'm here keeping myself on track.... and I need to get to bed.
  11. 2BFree

    2BFree New Member

    It's great to see you doing what you need to do to make it through each moment and day.
  12. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member

    Thanks Free, it really is one moment at a time, and each moment counts.

    Well, Guru passed away yesterday. Sad for us, relieving for her. It was inevitable, a gradual decline, but sooner and more unexpected than we thought. She's been with us many years and feels odd being in an empty house. It's quiet. Guru gone, wife out of state another 10 days, me determinedly staying on track moment by moment, no room to mess around. With the sudden release of responsibility, tension, anxieties, feels easy to stray off the path.

    Am off to work soon, is good to be working and continuing responsibilities.
  13. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member

    Guru just died on the same date as did the woman with whom I seem to still be emotionally attached. Dreamed of her two nights ago, a loving, empathetic on my part dream. So, this woman, was born on the same day of the year of my Dad's death, and died on the same day of the year my mother-in-laws death.
  14. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member

    OK, the immense emotional energy and thought that I put into this strange coincidental entanglement stuff with a dead woman is going nowhere. So, I intend to fan the flames of my emotional energy related to my wife and our real, now, alive and well relationship.

    I love my wife and so appreciate her. I have been telling her so and it's good :) We are supporting each other during this difficult time, death and anniversaries of deaths, and family living so far from each other. Life is here and now.
  15. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member

    Reset. Took my computer to bed last night, watching Hogan's Heroes, which I haven't done in years. Was feeling fine yesterday evening, had a nice conversation on the phone with my wife, about us and how in love we are and lightly discussing future plans and possibilities without the responsibilities with Guru. I was just up too late, over tired and not mindful. PMO'd to P subs and now feel how easy it would be to escalate and go on a binge. I don't have time for it, it would be a totally waste, so much to do, so much productive and good stuff I want to accomplish.

    Focusing on what I must do, get back to a healthy routine. I got up early. Stretched, gentle yoga. Meditated. Now will give myself my weekly hair and beard trim. I've gone 2 weeks and looking a bit unkept. Then straighten up the house. Then work.
  16. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member

    I know it hasn't helped that I've been masturbating a lot, not to images and often not to fantasy, just being in the energy, literally feeling the energy/prana flow. I've been giving in to instant gratification. No MO would make things easier in the long run.
  17. Gone fishing

    Gone fishing Active Member

    Without Guru you life is going to change and probably for the better. Having a person with dementia in your home creates stress.
  18. Rex

    Rex PMO free is the only way it's going to be for me.

    Short Guy,

    Don't beat yourself up, we have all been there. It's the loneliness and the false impression that MO brings a quick temporary mask for our problems, stress, etc. You seem like you have a fairly structured life with exercise, chores, and work. You seem to have a good balance. One thing that may help you is the realization that when we MO we remove vital nutrients from our brains (zinc, selenium, etc). When we do it frequently it hurts our thinking and other brain functions. It gives me brain fog. Since I have been free from PMO for almost a week, I notice my thoughts are lightening quick and the normal brain fog I have, is gone. I don't know if you ever saw the old Seinfeld episode where George decides to abstain from sex and masturbation and then all of sudden he became the smartest of the group, he had all these deep thoughts and great ideas. It was a funny episode but there is something definitely to not doing MO, it's a waste of our brain function along with our time. Saving it for the wife, helps our brains and also makes it that more special with a wife.

    You made the first step, realizing you need to get back on the wagon and not spiral down the abyss of continual MO which will lead back to PMO.

    Also try to leave the house a little bit and go somewhere, a restaurant, the shopping mall, coffee shop, the gym, etc. somewhere where you can talk to a few people. Getting out and talking to people will keep your mind off of MO and PMO, you will also find the loneliness of being in the house alone is helped greatly by getting out and talking to people.

    You can do it, you can get right back on the wagon! We're all here for you.


  19. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    If you catch it here and now it won't do much damage. You know what you need to do!
  20. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member

    Yes, things will change for the better! The silence of the lifting of the stress is deafening.

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