A Perspective..

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by mesosoup998, Nov 11, 2021.

  1. mesosoup998

    mesosoup998 New Member

    All these years I have been afraid to be honest with myself and others, I finally realized that the truth always prevails. No matter how deceptive a person is, the truth eventually comes to light.

    I'm a man in his thirties with almost no sexual experience with women. Women might as well be from another planet because when it comes to romance I have no idea how to communicate with them.
    Growing up in America, a mans value seems to be tide to his success with women, something I failed at. This made believe that I was a failure for a good part of my youth. I made attempts at finding a women but every time rejection would be lying in wait.

    Porn took over at a time in my life that I had no direction or guidance. No one to talk to, no one to understand. I realize the world does not owe men understanding. A women's purpose is to select the best man she can find too carry on her genes. Women are very cold and selective when it comes to finding a mate. I as a man seem to never cut it. I don't blame them, as I believe no one should settle.
    The only girl I truly loved and pursued a relationship with made me realize this. She told me that she wanted a relationship, just not with me. She only wanted to sleep with me, nothing more. It was very cold but I appreciated her honesty. We went our separate ways.

    I realize that the path to dating for me will be a struggle, I have accepted this. What I cant accept is porn being part of my life. I cannot justify fantasizing about people I will never meet. I've even stopped looking at attractive women in public. I only want to cultivate interactions based off other things, things other then how sexually attractive I find a lady.

    Women can posses a power over men. But a man can take back control over his desire with some effort and resolve. I believe most things in life start in the mind, a good mindset elevates a persons life. While a bad mindset devastates.
     
    Doper likes this.
  2. dark red drifter vessel

    dark red drifter vessel Well-Known Member

    Yup. That it does. Welcome! In what direction do you want to work regarding your mindset? Which parts of your life work or used to work for you?
     
    mesosoup998 likes this.
  3. Doper

    Doper Well-Known Member

    There is evidence all around you that this is not the case. They are not all looking for the same thing. Of course, both men and women have to provide VALUE to a prospective mate, but that value can come from a million different types of strengths, values, skills, hobbies etc. that one woman may find intensely attractive or valuable, and another couldn't care less about. If you are a hobo under a bridge, but you are an extremely impressive piano player, and you somehow have the ability to showcase this talent to a lady that feels piano playing and good teeth are of utmost importance, provided you've kept your chompers in good order, I'd say you have a shot.

    That may be part of your problem right there. Join the crowd. You gotta start somewhere, and that means at the bottom. Work your way up to where you want to be. You have to clearly provide an enormous amount of value to pull 9's before you've pulled some 6's.

    I personally would have went with it and been very happy with this arrangement for a few reasons. First, sexual and interpersonal experience. Two, it will teach one how NOT to be clingy. That is an unattractive trait in a man, and can be shed off. Three, look at the bright side - she found you attractive enough just to fuck, no resource extraction needed. That is fantastic. And given that, I'd imagine if you would have done it her way for a while, she may have started feeling emotional attachment. I'd far rather be the guy that chicks just want to bang, rather than the guy that (predatory) women JUST want a relationship with, and see providing sex (for a while) as a way to solidify the resource extraction process.She may not have wanted a relationship for any number of reasons, and you personally, may have had little to do with it.

    So you had the ability to physically attract a woman. Great. That means there are millions more out there that will feel the same way about you. Get some experience, work your way up the pole, and keep learning new skills and shedding bad habits, and it will all work out.
     
    Last edited: Nov 13, 2021
    mesosoup998 likes this.
  4. mesosoup998

    mesosoup998 New Member

    Thank You. I have been a prisoner of my mindset or mindsets. These beliefs that I know deep down are likely incorrect have served to shield my ego from the reality and that reality is the fact that the world isn't necessarily how I perceive it to be. Things aren't always what I project on to them. I hope to go in a more positive directions in my life. After all these years I have figured out that pmo is a coping mechanism that I developed as a young man at a time where I didn't know any other ways to cope. Now I have to look within, something that I have avoided for decades, and deal with the deep issues causing the underlying illness that pushes me towards this addiction. Pmo is a symptom of a deeper illness that I am looking to cure.
     
  5. mesosoup998

    mesosoup998 New Member

    Doper, I must say that a lot of what you wrote were actual thoughts that I have had at one point. I believe I was too pride full to accept her offer. In my head I believed what I wanted was a better offer for the both of us. But what I failed to realize was that what she wanted may actually have had little to do with me. I used to project on to all of my experiences in life, which is something I have been working on not doing anymore.

    Yes there are some positives in that situation. We did find each other attractive and got along well, so there is potential in that. I have never been the clingy type, while I'm humble I'm also very prideful. She at times thought I didn't find her attractive because she believed I was supposed to be all over her. Expectations can be tricky, and so can pride fullness. These can be an issues if not checked, which is also something I have been working on.

    I feel my greatest fear is that a certain mindset I have created has to die in order to change. I'm also subconsciously afraid of change even if its for the better because of a fear of the unknown.
     

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