A New Perspective

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Shady, May 18, 2020.

  1. Bilbo Baggins

    Bilbo Baggins Active Member

    You are not alone, friend. Most of us are generally not so well, it seems. Same for the people who aren’t addicted. I guess it’s a part of life we have to accept. But remember: it should improve with time. So many guys reported feeling way better after rebooting. It takes some time, though. It’s how I am starting to see this whole thing we call rebooting: fixing my life. The thing is, when you try to improve yourself and your life, it takes time before reaping the rewards. It’s a gradual process.

    Hold on, friend. It will get better as time goes by.
     
    -Luke- likes this.
  2. -Luke-

    -Luke- Well-Known Member

    I had this thought very often, but no. You can try it, sure. But no problem will be solved. At some point we have to face our problems and learn to deal with them.

    You have been very strong in the last weeks and months and I applaud you for that. Reward yourself by staying strong. The reward will not come tomorrow and not next week, but it will come.
     
  3. moose

    moose Member


    Keep going. You are worth it. It's hard now but, in 1-3 months you will be thanking yourself. I always think about my future self and thank my past self for the hard work I've done.

    Always remember to thank yourself and love yourself.
     
  4. Shady

    Shady Active Member

    Thank you all.
    Thank you for your kind words.
    Thank you for being there.
    I'm here for you too.

    @Bilbo Baggins yeah. Life. I'm wondering why people usually cling to this thing called life.
    I'm waiting...

    @-Luke- I've been doing nothing since I started this but facing my problems. The ones I haven't even noticed the past 20 years but everyone around me did.

    @moose yeah it's a good idea talking to my future and past -selves
     
  5. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Active Member

    Keep moving forward Shady! You’re doing an amazing job!
     
  6. Shady

    Shady Active Member

    @BoughtWithBlood thanks. Same to you.

    So last time I had a wet dream was about a week ago. It happened again today. This is getting more frequent and scarier.
    This one was even stronger.
    In the dream, I pushed back and gave in a couple of times. I kept going back and forth during the dream preventing myself from it and giving in. It felt great when I gave in and it took everything inside me to push back. This time I wasn't peeking at P in the dream. It was with an actual person, but it stil had the overview of porn.

    I woke up having mixed feelings. I was glad and upset I gave in at times, but then I was glad and l upset I didn't let go all the way.

    It felt like peeking at P without MO, but then it was just a dream.
    In the dream, I hated myself for killing my progress but then I woke up and realized it was all a dream.
    Is that considered a relapse? Why does it feel like one?

    I hate that I'm still getting these dreams. Why am I still not in control?

    EDIT: I'm so touchy all the time. I have been ever since I started this reboot. The least things sets me off. I was never like that.
    I hate this.
    And I don't even know whether I'm right or wrong in different situations anymore.
     
    Last edited: Oct 3, 2020
  7. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Active Member

    These dreams are very normal and a part of reboot. I recognize them. Waking up feeling super bad for relapsing, only to realize it was just a dream. That feeling can then hunt you the rest of the day.

    What else are you doing to recover besides abstaining? Physical exercise, eating healthy, supplementation, meditation are all great for helping you recover and can greatly help with not feeling so agitated.
     
  8. Shady

    Shady Active Member

    @BoughtWithBlood Taking some courses to develop myself for work. I want to grow.
    Also doing some volunteer work and trying new things.
    Another activity I'm doing all the time is feeling bad for myself.

    Hope you're doing... Well not like me.
     
    BoughtWithBlood likes this.
  9. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Active Member

    This addiction has a function. It keeps you from feeling like this. However, it only temporarily ‘solves’ that problem and than makes you feel worse because of the shame and guilt. Stopping the behavior is great! But now the feeling bad is surfaced.

    It might be good to analyse your thoughts. When you feel bad, what kind of thoughts, events, happenings, etc led to you feeling this way? If you do this for a while you will probably discover a pattern. Once you recognize where it comes from, you can put something against it. For example it could be an irrational fear or a lie about your worth as a human being. If you set a truth against it and meditate on that truth, you can beat the feeling bad. When you beat the feeling bad, there will be no need for porn :)

    I know it’s easier said than done, make no mistake the above takes a lot of time and effort. But I believe it will be well worth it!
     
    Shady, positivef and moose like this.
  10. Shady

    Shady Active Member

    @BoughtWithBlood im working on it.

    Update:
    Urges urges urges.
    Stsying strong.
     
  11. Shady

    Shady Active Member

    I guess I see the road now.
    I can take the first step now.
    Now I know what to do with my life.
    Now I know how I can improve.
    Now I know how to manage those days when I'm down.
    Does this mean that all the coming days will be good? Not at all. I just feel more confident navigating them.
    I know I'll have days when I'll feel all hopeless, but I know I can always get through.
    At least I believe I can get through whenever I'm down.
    Now I can begin my journey.

    I don't feel any urges towards P anymore, but my libido is still so strong.
    I need some O.
    My hand starts going down there sometimes, but I pull back right away.
    I need to stay strong.
    Now it's time to find normal ways to get O with a human being. I will find her. I'm sure.

    Why am I saying all this? Because it's been 90 days. Three months since last PMO. It feels like ages ago. I've been on hardmode for so long.

    Also, I'm never feeling "bubbly" or extremely happy anymore. I'm more on the neutral and down sides now, but that's normal. That's life. I'm OK with that. Life is ups and downs.

    We're all in this together.
     
  12. Bilbo Baggins

    Bilbo Baggins Active Member

    Congratulations on reaching 90 days. Keep it up.
     
  13. moose

    moose Member


    Congrats on the hard work over the last 90 days! You will find her and it will be amazing!
     
  14. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    Man I'm really happy to see that you made it 90 days without PMO. I like your observations and I hope you can keep building from here on. Personally I think we need to ask ourselves what's the healthy way to O. And yeah I think you can find that girl out there. Just keep your head up, stay disciplined but don't go "military OCD" on yourself, and try to see what fears hold you back from living the life you would like. Identify them and tackle them gradually. Control the mood swings (elation, expectations, despair, disappointment) when you tackle the fears. Most of all, keep going.

    Disclaimer : This advice comes from a guy presently on day 4 :eek:

    Keep it up friend !
     
  15. Shady

    Shady Active Member

    @Bilbo Baggins @moose thank you so much. Good luck with your journey.

    @Thelongwayhome27 thanks.
    Fears? It's all the expectations. Expectations ruin everything.
    4 days. Your words hold the wisdom of someone whose on day 400.
    When I first came here to this forum. I read all threads in this section. If I remember correctly, you used to be where I am now. Am I right? Do I remember correctly?
     
    Thelongwayhome27 likes this.
  16. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    Thanks a lot. Well even if I relapse a lot I think that overall efforts add up. Ideally we should totally break it off but if for some relapses happen, at least if they can dramatically decrease they're PMO usage/time, it's already something good. What I have some serious problems handling, looking back on my "journey", is the relapses off really good runs. I guess like most people. But it sucks to put a lot of effort and then go on a bender. But here too there is still hope because the relapses, even off long runs, are getting better to a certain extent. I think when you joined I was on my last solid run, my record hardmode streak and I made it to 63 days. I remember how tense I was before that lapse. And also the binges that followed. Lol ... It's funny or sad not sure. But I never made it to 90 days hardmode as you have now which is so great. Screw the numbers, just keep going. What matters is today. But yeah be proud though of that number I guess. You earned it. I did make it to 90 days as well twice but it was not hardmode. The first time was fall 2019 when I was not even counting (doing my best not to know what day I was on) and I had started that streak "easymode" (allowing "healthy MO") - but after about 1 month I became totally hardmode for the rest of it. I relapsed at like day 93 or so. Then I had that second 90 day without porn that occured in like Dec 2019 to Feb 2020. But this one wasn't as good as the one in the fall 2019. There were incidents along the way so to speak but no actual P.
     
    positivef likes this.
  17. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Active Member

    Great job on reaching 90 days!
     
  18. Shady

    Shady Active Member

    @Thelongwayhome27 you said you weren't counting during your first streak. You know I got three months PMO free because I stopped counting. Try that again.

    @BoughtWithBlood thanks. Good luck on your journey.

    Update:
    Lots of ups and downs during the last few days.
    Still trying to figure out who I am or why I am even living.
     
  19. Bilbo Baggins

    Bilbo Baggins Active Member

    Good to see you are holding on. Regarding the quest for a meaning to your life, I’d say this: of course it’s not easy (because sometimes we feel like this when there is nothing enjoyable in our lives). But it’s a positive thing, it’s way better to look for answers than to live a meaningless life without being aware of it. Good habits (at least one or two), working on personal projects, and patience are things I think we need to feel better overall. It takes time, though. Be well, friend.
     
    Last edited: Oct 16, 2020
    positivef likes this.
  20. positivef

    positivef Active Member

    Congrats on 90 day. I hope the downs aren't too low, I'm struggling myself at mo.
     

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