So sorry for your loss man. I can totally understand it’s really really hard not to go on a binge now, to forget about the pain. As said by @Thelongwayhome27 , it won’t help you. It will just numb you for a bit until it wears off. Then you’ll be faced with the same difficult emotions, accompanied by guild and shame. It’s best to embrace your emotions right now and go through them. I know this is easier said than done. Stay strong Shady!