A New Perspective

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Shady, May 18, 2020.

  1. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    I also had an homosexual erotic dream a while ago. Never had that before (neither watched porn like that ever) and also no interest whatsoever. Didn't give it much more thought than being part of the process.

    I think you're doing great. Don't doubt the process and keep going!
     
    Shady likes this.
  2. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Probably withdrawal symptoms. They may come back further into your reboot as well.
     
  3. Shady

    Shady Well-Known Member

    Thank you. I will.
     
  4. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    I wouldn't worry about dreams. I've had my share of weird and bizarre ones due to rebooting.

    Try to endure and it will hopefully balance itself out.
     
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  5. Shady

    Shady Well-Known Member

    Thanks, @Eternity. I will

    Past night was a night of tossing and turning fighting the urge to "look" but I'm glad I did it.
    I believe it's easier this time because I know I'm not alone.

    We're all in this together.
     
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  6. Shady

    Shady Well-Known Member

    Nights are still terrible.
    But the rest of the day feel much better. I'm feeling more comfortable around people and less awkward. These are the small things that give me a push.
     
  7. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    You're getting close to 21 days, any particular strategy for that?
     
  8. Shady

    Shady Well-Known Member

    None. Should I have some kind of strategy?

    I'm just so excited that I'm so close to breaking my record which is giving me the push I need. I'm actually more worried about the days after I break my record. I need to find a new motivation.

    My overall motivation for this whole journey is that I know that the cleaner I get, the more self confident and less awkward I get around people. I've always thought that I had some kind of anxiety disorder, but now I'm not so sure. I'm thinking it could be the porn causing this and I'm hoping it is.

    TBH, an hour ago I was in the verge of relapse. I was going to do it. I went and watched TV instead but then I was bombarded by sex scenes so I fast forwarded right away. I'm OK now, but I know I'm still not out of the woods. The urge might come back in an hour, two or whatever. I'm not going to fall.
     
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  9. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Well-Known Member

    Stand tall brother. All you have to do is get through the day. Just focus on not looking today. Tomorrow will be a better day!
     
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  10. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    Stay strong. Maybe you don't need a strategy, but knowing what to look out for should definitely help. Sticking to the plan is what I consider the hardest, even though I've walked into the same trap countless times before. I'm still not sure how to avoid some upcoming dangers, but I mean to actually learn from my mistakes this time.
     
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  11. Shady

    Shady Well-Known Member

    Yeah. I'm looking at it all from a different angle this time and it's working.

    Watching a lot of TV tonight. Tomorrow I have lots of errands to run so I'm staying busy.
    Then tomorrow afternoon I'll go for my daily run/jog.
     
  12. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    That's good, similar to my day. I think there's a big difference between healthy busy and stressful busy, and I definitely enjoy the former.
     
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  13. Shady

    Shady Well-Known Member

    21 days
    I'm not feeling really good. Nothing is fun anymore. Not TV and not even running/jogging.

    I was watching TV and there was a nudity scene. I fast forwarded and I didn't watch it but as I did, my body ached all over. I let it pass. But it wasn't a good feeling.

    I'm struggling through and trying to pull through only on the thought that someday, it's going to be better. Others who pulled through say it gets better and that's what I'm waiting for no matter how long it takes. Even though I don't really see the light at the end of the tunnel.

    I'm still not through with this goal. I always relapse around 21 days so I would not consider my record broken till I'm at least 25 days sober.
     
  14. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Well-Known Member

    Well you’re almost at the point of breaking your record. Let me tell you this, it DOES get better. Usually after one and a half - to two months. For me that’s where flatline seems to end and ‘superpowers’ kick in. Hang in there man!
     
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  15. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    I think it's very normal to feel discomfort because you denied yourself something a part of you desired strongly (you wanted the immediate relief and dopamine rush from going back to that scene). Often times when we get urges, the immediate reward of not giving in is actually more pain and discomfort. It's counter intuitive because you expect to be rewarded for choosing the right thing to do. But it's good to remember it's part of the process.

    So good job on not going back to the nude scene.

    And way to go on being 3 weeks clean !
     
    Shady likes this.
  16. Shady

    Shady Well-Known Member

    Yeah what you said makes sense.

    And thanks. I'm trying. You're doing much better. Keep it up. ;)
     
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  17. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    It will, but there's no telling when. It's the classic answer "it depends." For me, I recall that things get more balanced after about two months. It seems like forever away, but you're nearly halfway there.
     
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  18. Shady

    Shady Well-Known Member

    I'm not holding my breath but I'm staying on track. I don't care how long it takes, but I'm getting there no matter what.
     
    Last edited: Jun 4, 2020
  19. Shady

    Shady Well-Known Member

    Day 23:
    I don't feel good at all.
    I feel tired all the time.
    I feel hungry all the time.
    I'm holding back my urges using willpower alone which is not reliable at all. I have to do anything else to keep them away.
    This feels so bad.
     
  20. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Well-Known Member

    Man you are doing great! 23 days sober, that’s something I haven’t been able to do in a long while. Hold on a bit longer and things will get better! You can do it!
     
    Shady likes this.

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