A New Perspective

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Shady, May 18, 2020.

  1. Shady

    Shady Well-Known Member

    I'm glad I have something positive to report this time. Brainfog is clearing up.
     
  2. Shady

    Shady Well-Known Member

    When you're felling down, that's when you're most vulnerable. That's when relapse might happen if you let it.
    That's where I'm at now.
    I'm sorry the positive didn't stay for long.

    Stay safe everyone...
    Onward and upward. I guess...
     
  3. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Well-Known Member

    You’re doing great Shady! Don’t give up :)
     
  4. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    How was the weekend @Shady?
     
  5. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Well-Known Member

    How’s it going @Shady ?
     
    Bilbo Swaggins likes this.
  6. Shady

    Shady Well-Known Member

    @Rudolf Geyse @BoughtWithBlood thank you for asking.

    PMO wise, I'm still clean and I just found out that it has been 360 days since my last PMO.

    I haven't found a healthy alternative yet or something to release the stress and make me feel happy. What I managed to do, though, is learn to fight it off. In other words, the urge is still there. I'm just ignoring it.
    I feel like I haven't been cued of my addiction, but I'm still clean and that's a win.

    Maybe in time, I'll stop having urges.
    In that year, I've learned that your goals are achievable if you concentrate on them. The brain fog prevented me from seeing that. I still get the fog from time to time, but at least I don't have it all the time now.

    I heard once that all problems surface when you quit PMO. That's 100% true and I hate it. It's ugly and you have to face all these cumulative problems all at once now. It's a huge load on your back, but it gets lighter as you begin fixing them one by one. The fixable ones at that.

    As for the bipolar, I still hate myself. I don't get as many episodes as I used to and I'm OK most f the time, except for that constant gut feeling all the time that something bad is going to happen.

    I'm glad I'm beginning to see some progress at work now that my thinking is clearer and I will never give up no matter how difficult it gets.

    Overall, life is better now without PMO and that's what I'm grateful for.

    Onward and Upward
     
  7. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Well-Known Member

    Happy to hear you are still clean and abstaining. You’ll get there buddy! Keep doing what you’re doing cause you’re making great progress.

    A lot of wisdom in your post. I wish you all the best!
     
    Shady likes this.
  8. Bilbo Swaggins

    Bilbo Swaggins Well-Known Member

    Congratulations for 360 days, man. It wasn’t an easy year, but you still made it to 360 days, that’s awesome. You’ve inspired many guys on this forum, and you continue to do so.

    It’s good that you have a long-term perspective on your journey (don’t change the name of your journal, I’m just saying :D). You mentioned that even if the war is not over, your life is better now than a year ago. Somehow, I feel the same too, because I’m not cured from ED yet, but I’m healthier and happier than before my reboot. That’s why I’m saying we have to think long-term with this. Progress is so slow that it’s almost unnoticeable, and it’s good that you’re able to reflect on your journey like you did.

    You’re the man, Shady!
     
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  9. Shady

    Shady Well-Known Member

    @BoughtWithBlood thanks man. Same to you.

    @Bilbo Swaggins on the contrary, I'm the one who has been inspired by everyone here.

    You'll get there, buddy. I'm sure of it.

    Exactly! Results are so slow. We are human beings and we are motivated by instant gratification. That's why we give up so fast in our PMO journey.
    So it's all about patience and belief that we can get there one day.

    My current thoughts:
    I've lost faith in all of humanity. Few weeks into my reboot journey, my secret was out at work... that I am a PMO addict. I don't even know how this happened, but it did.
    A year later, they are still using that against me even though I'm clean now. It's like lamb to the slaughter. Once they're down, no one is letting them back up.
    It takes a lot to get out of bed everyday and to go to work and face them every day with all their smirks and hints. It hurts, but I'm not going to stop facing them everyday.
    I'm never going to be able to erase what happened from my records. It's there for life. All I can do now is just to keep going. I hope I never lose the strength and I hope I never give up.
    Facing people is so emotionally and physically demanding now because of this, but I'll do my best to keep going.

    I hope you all can do the same.

    Onward and upward.
     
  10. -Luke-

    -Luke- Well-Known Member

    Man, this sucks. Where do you work? At the kindergarten?

    But all kidding aside. Keep going your way and ignore the others that aren't helpful. Stay strong man!
     
    Bilbo Swaggins likes this.
  11. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Well-Known Member

    I’m sorry to hear that. People can be mean. Remember they’re just trying to push you down so they’re not confronted with their own flaws and failures. They’re trying to pull you down to the level you’ve risen above. Let them. You can keep your chin up. You’re a man.

    Stay strong brother :) fight the bad with doing good. Set a good example, and lead by example. Respect will come.

    All the best!
     
    Bilbo Swaggins likes this.
  12. Shady

    Shady Well-Known Member

    On a completely different note, I've recently learned to ignore silly jokesters.

    @BoughtWithBlood thank you for those kind words.
     
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