Hey Shady, how have you been doing man ? I too can often feel like an outsider in most groups that I've been in. It varies though. Sometimes the feeling can be stronger, sometimes when I feel okay it can go away. I think a lot of it is in our head, no matter how real it seems to us. Our perceptions color a lot of the ''reality'' we take in. And even if you're a little different and people really do notice it, what does it matter in the end ? We have to be ourselves. Sometimes we can also see a mean spirited laughter where it's not ill intentioned. When we're relax we mingle much easier with people. So yeah I relate to the feelings you described but I think a lot of it is the social anxiety programming in our minds (and many times it can be experiences from childhood, rejections early on). Staying clean will not absolutely eradicate a strong social anxiety, even though it will help a lot. So we need to keep going even if we sometimes feel socially anxious even when we are clean for a long time. Not to mention that when we truly stay clean for a long time, so many difficult emotions can come up. And it's about dealing with them. Which isn't easy, but I think that's the way out of this. And then slowly it starts getting better. But the key word is that it's very slow. Anyways, I hope you're doing all right.