A New Perspective

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Shady, May 18, 2020.

  1. Shady

    Shady Well-Known Member

    Thanks, @BoughtWithBlood.
    You can do this. What stopping you?

    Update: being away from that dopamine rush all that time has made me so angry all the time.
    What else can give me a dopamine rush?

    On a different note, I'm trying to cut back on caffeine.
     
    Bilbo Baggins likes this.
  2. Bilbo Baggins

    Bilbo Baggins Well-Known Member

    I am sure you already thought about this, but do you exercise? When I feel tension in me, I go for a 30-minute run, and it usually does a lot of good.
     
  3. birdsky

    birdsky Member

    How have you done that?

    When I think of that it might take 2 years of recovery. I get stressed and that leads to be triggered. In 2 years I would be 32 and still a virgin. People have the best time of their sex life in their 20's. However, when we don't stay calm we'll never get a wife and have successfully sex life. Better with 32 than never. That rational, but my heart wants something else.
     
  4. Shady

    Shady Well-Known Member

    @Bilbo Baggins I do exercise. It's the height of my day. I keeps me refreshed... Most of the time.

    @birdsky I just think of how my life was ruined because I didn't in the past.

    Update:
    Tomorrow I'll be five months PMO free.
    Past couple of weeks, I've been thinking, is it really worth it?
    I'm tired.
    Being high on dopamine and having that brain fog all the time kept me ignorant to these harsh realities.
    Things have gone south since I quit PMO. I've been thinking, did it get worse after I quit or maybe it was like that since forever but I was too blind to see it?
    Being high on dopamine makes you bubbly all the time and blind towards many things.
    Whether these problems are new or not, I'm tired of them. I'm tired of trying to fix them and failing.
    Nothing feels good now.
    Can't I just get back to PMO, my brain fog and my ignorance? I'm tired and that's the easy way out.
     
    birdsky likes this.
  5. Bilbo Baggins

    Bilbo Baggins Well-Known Member

    Sorry to read you are struggling, friend. Rebooting is different for everyone, it’s a personal journey that affects many things in one’s life. I can’t really give you advice, I am not in a position to do so. But know that I am rooting for you, Shady. It’s remarkable that you have been clean for 5 months, it really is an accomplishment. Better days are probably awaiting you, just try your best to be patient. Fixing other issues in our lives is also important. Right now, I am struggling with quitting smoking (haven’t smoked for 48 hours). Just quitting PMO won’t fix all the problems in our lives, even though it will fix many things. Let’s improve ourselves a little more everyday, it will pay off in the long term.
     
    Shady and Pete McVries like this.
  6. badger

    badger Active Member

    Shady,
    hang in there. I have never had 5 months PMO free. I usually start feeling the way you are now at about 3wks, then I give up and go back to my pacifier-PMO. this is the first time I have been over 30 days and I still don't feel any better. but I know one thing for sure, PMO is not going to make it better. it's just going to make feel like shit again. the remorse, the regret, shame, guilt. the hiding from everyone including me. PMO is not my problem, it's the cause of all the other problems I believe I have. it's my escape from feeling all the real feelings. hurt. guilt. cowardice. I need to face these feelings like every normal person does. then I will get on the other side. I don't know what that's like, again because I always give in when I am in pain and challenged to step up and confront my life and all that comes with it. today I will hang on just for today. if it's the same on the other side, I can always go back to my misery. but I have to give it a shot. you are young. I don't have that many more chances to make up for all the hurt I have put my family and everyone around me because of my porn addiction. innocent addiction it is not. the dopamine high is fleeting. 5-10 seconds intense pleasure then pain until I do it again. this has got to stop and I am the only one who can do it. enough rambling. but hang in there. don't give up before the miracle.
     
  7. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    You should keep going man, it's the best choice for you. We always underestimate how bad the addiction is when we're sexually sober. We only remember just how bad it is, once we relapse. And then it's super hard to build a positive momentum again.

    Thinking that the addiction was not that bad is often a way for ourselves to rationalize relapsing.

    You should see if you feel better after 6 months, or 1 year. Maybe you could look into therapy ? Imagine being at 1 year sober and working with a therapist that is helpful, so that you can address the things that are bothering you, despite being sober from PMO ?
     
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  8. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Well-Known Member

    Porn had you blinded from all the problems. Now the numbness is gone and you feel all the bad stuff you’ve been avoiding.

    It’s a trend on this forum and in the nofap community as a whole, that quitting porn will fix all our problems. It won’t. It will just stop you from fleeing so that you are forced to face it. You can go back to fleeing, flee in another direction with another numbmaker or go through it. Sometimes we need help to get through.

    Most porn-addicts don’t have a healthy self-image. We beat ourselves up over all tiny failures and missteps. We feel like crap and go back to our afdiction. Taking the addiction away does not change how we think about ourselves. A therapist can really help putting things in perspective and creating a healthy self-image.

    It has helped me a ton! Eventhough I really didn’t want help at first. It took me years to finally take the step. But it really helps to understand myself and have a healthy thoughtlife.

    Goodluck Shady! You’re on the right path. Don’t let porn lure you back in now that you have dominion over it. The shackles are undone, now it’s time to walk out of the prison.
     
  9. birdsky

    birdsky Member

    Hey Shady,

    I and most guys don't know how it is to go 5 months straight, so I obviously cannot relate to it or imagine how you feel exactly. But your journey is probably just starting now. Maybe you just need to be patient a bit more and things will start chance for the better.

    When you think about going back, what would you gain? We already know how our lives will be with this addiction. We know what will happen and how we will feel. What would you risk, just continuing your streak? Could it really get worse than before?

    Perhaps you need to adjust one of the screws to see some change? I really don't want to give you advise, because you obviously know how it works and I don't. However, what I want to encourage you to do is: keep strong. We won't gain anything from watching it. Better having a shitty life without porn than having a shitty life with porn. By staying strong you will have at least a chance for healing.

    Keep strong friend, I wished I hadn't relapsed the other day and where in your position and a bit closer to healing. We will win this fight!
     
  10. Shady

    Shady Well-Known Member

    @Bilbo Baggins thanks that helps.
    How does nicotine withdrawal differ from PMO withdrawal?

    @badger yeah the miracle. Aren't we all waiting for that?

    @Thelongwayhome27 ah! 1 Year PMO free. Let's hope.
    Therapy? It's very popular here, but I decided not to do that for 2 reasons: first, therapists here cost a lot of money and second, they don't listen to you or even give a diagnosis. They just let you in, write a prescription then send you on your way.

    @BoughtWithBlood yeah walk out of life into the hell that is life.

    @birdsky well said. You know how I did it? How I stayed away from PMO for five months?
    It was the nice things people say to me on this forum and knowing they're there for me.
    So let me tell you now. We're all here for you. You can do this.



    To everyone here, thank you for all your kind words. I'm telling you all that I'm here for you and you can do this. You can be free. I'm rooting for you all. I know you can all do this. Stay strong.

    Onward and upward!
    Were all in this together.
     
  11. badger

    badger Active Member

    since we live with ourselves 24/7, sometimes we don't see or notice the changes in us. usually other people who haven't seen us for awhile will mention something " have you lost weight?", " there's something different about you". it's the miracle. we can't see the picture if we are in it. hang in there my brother
     
    Bilbo Baggins likes this.
  12. Bilbo Baggins

    Bilbo Baggins Well-Known Member

    Nice to see all this support, here. This forum can be very helpful, no doubt about that.

    As for nicotine withdrawal... It’s not like porn: the withdrawal is very physical, but it only lasts a week or two. But smoking a cigarette is something you do 20-25 times a day, so it’s really a shock when you quit. You have to readapt, because you lose your favorite emotional outlet. Of course, it’s only for the best.

    Take care, Shady.
     
    badger likes this.
  13. Shady

    Shady Well-Known Member

    @badger that's a really good point.

    @Bilbo Baggins it sure can be.
    So you're quitting two sources of emotional outlets.
    I salute you for going through both withdrawals simultaneously. That's amazing.
    Keep at it. You can do this.

    Update:
    I'm home alone for a few days. As soon as I found myself alone, my urges went sky high. It was so scary. Yesterday I came so close to relapse. I don't even know how I got through it, but I still have few days left and I'm not going to give in.
    I have lots of work and studying to do so I'm staying very busy. I'm not letting my guard down for one second.

    Onward and Upward...
     
  14. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    Hang in there. You've come a long way, and it's worth holding on to.
     
    Shady likes this.
  15. Bilbo Baggins

    Bilbo Baggins Well-Known Member

    Damn. Nice job on resisting. This is definitely a long and demanding journey. We have to stay on our guard for months, maybe years, to regain balance. It’s crazy to think that even after several months of abstinence, this can all go down the drain in a second. Thanks for sharing.
     
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  16. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Well-Known Member

    Great job on resisting! Hang in there :)
     
    Shady likes this.
  17. Shady

    Shady Well-Known Member

    Five and a half months
    I wanted to share something with you guys and maybe you can help me find an explanation.

    I don't really understand the flatline. I've read a lot about it, but it's still not clear.

    Can you get urges and morning wood during the flatline? I've had those for a while.

    Two or three months ago, I noticed that when I walk in the street, people look at my crotch and look surprised. I don't really understand why they're doing this. This didn't happen before the reboot and it only started like two or three months ago.
    Could that be related to the flatline? Is it a flatline? I get urges all the time now so how can it be the flatline?
    This is so confusing and frustrating.
     
  18. Bilbo Baggins

    Bilbo Baggins Well-Known Member

    I personally think that the notion of flatline is highly subjective. Of course, you better take the opinion from someone cured, not from me. But I think it’s a vague concept. For instance, abstinence could resemble to a flatline to just anybody. You don’t expose yourself to anything sexual, therefore sex is not a part of your life, and you don’t have urges of any kind. Another thing: since porn is an addiction, it’s not that easy to tell if what you call an urge is a genuine desire for sex (libido) or the need for a dopamine rush. Lastly, the process is different for everyone. Some guys experienced a drop in libido when quitting porn even if they had PIED (which I personally find hard to understand, I mean, if you have PIED, your libido is already at zero, how can it go below zero...), while others did not experience any flatline at all. Maybe what I call flatline would be what another guy would define as a state where he doesn’t feel much desire. I personally don’t focus too much on what we call flatline here on the forum.
    That being said, it seems pretty clear that return of morning wood is an excellent sign. It’s a good thing you have it back, I am sincerely happy for you. Keep it up.
     
    BoughtWithBlood likes this.
  19. NewStart19

    NewStart19 Well-Known Member

    @Shady

    If you have time (around 20 minutes), I recommend watching this video about the flatline.

    As for thoughts about people looking at your groin, you might have an unusually noticeable bulge from your gigantic flaccid penis, a pizza stain on your clothes, or are wearing nothing below the waist. Jokes aside, there are plenty of people outside doing the same simple activity of walking around. You might have pronounced thoughts about people looking at your groin region, but if you set some time aside to calmly and rationally think about it, there really isn't much of a reason for people to be looking at your crotch (or anyone else's) for any special reason.

    As an aside, thanks for setting a good example at 5.5 months. I hope you keep at it.

    Take care
     
    Bilbo Baggins likes this.
  20. Shady

    Shady Well-Known Member

    @Bilbo Baggins exactly! It's so confusing.

    @NewStart19 that video has some very good explanation, but it doesn't answer that question.

    You can't have a pizza stain everyday and on all your clothes.

    I agree there's no reason for them to do that, but that doesn't change the fact it's been happening for months.
     

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