A New Perspective

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Shady, May 18, 2020.

  1. Shady

    Shady Active Member

    Hello All,
    I recently found this forum. I've always thought I was alone in the thought of abstaining from PMO. I've always thought that everyone watches porn and don't think of being porn free.
    So you can imagine my surprise when I found this forum and found out I'm not alone.
    I've been looking around the forum and it's really amazing how similar the experiences are similar.
    That's why I decided to sign up to share it all with you. I know through this we can help each other and I'm also here for anyone who needs it.
    I know if I share my story you might feel like it's a tale as old as time since I know many of you have been through this. That's why I thought of not sharing it, but then I thought that if I shared it maybe this could help someone or maybe someone could be able to help me.

    My journey started twenty years ago at the age of ten. I hadn't even hit puberty then but I was still into masturbation for a reason. I didn't even know about porn back then. Then years went by and after I hit puberty, I learned about porn from friends but I never pursued it till an ad popped up in my browser and I just couldn't resist. Then the door was open. I was hooked. It escalated to PMO in no time.

    Years passed and it evolved to hardcore stuff. Then it became a daily habit and then it became an escape when life got hard. Then I found myself pushing my friends away.

    Three years ago I was forced because of my work to have no access to internet for at least 21 days. After 21 days I found myself feeling much better, I was not feeling awkward anymore and I began making friends, but whenever I got home, I relapsed and I always felt terrible the next day.

    A year later I changed jobs and I didn't have to be away anymore and I found myself back to that daily habit and all the personality improvements were reversed. That's when I decided to stop even if I didn't have the privilege of being away for 21 days and I managed to abstain from PMO, but I never managed to go past 21 days if I did.

    Usually after 21 days free from PMO, I feel over the moon and invincible and I also feel so horny so I think, I can look without relapsing and I manage to do that but then the next day I relapse.
    Feeling extremely happy could also lead to a relapse.
    I once tried, after 21 days when I'm feeling invincible and horny, to go with porn free masturbation, but I still relapsed the next day.

    About a month ago, I found many channels on YouTube that really help. These channels also led me here.

    Since I found out I'm not alone, I felt a lot stronger. I relapsed only once, but even when I did, I used it to understand what triggers that relapsed.

    Since my last relapse, it's been five days. My goal this time is to break the 21 days record.

    Sorry for that long post and thank you for bearing with me.

    P.S. We're all in this together...
  2. Dave858

    Dave858 New Member

    It was great reading your story and your description above is my experience as well. Good luck on your journey and thank you for sharing.
  3. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Active Member

    Happy to have you @Shady, welcome to the forum! Best of luck on your journey.
  4. Shady

    Shady Active Member

  5. Shady

    Shady Active Member

    Seven days with no PMO.
    Urges are gone.
    It all goes like clockwork Everytime I start this cycle.

    Urges come back after the 14-15 days mark. Sometimes I manage to get through and sometimes I don't.

    Real problem is with the 21 day urge which has always been so irresistible.

    We're all in this together.
    Living and BoughtWithBlood like this.
  6. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Active Member

    Goodjob on the 7 days! Don’t worry too much about what could happen in the future. Only let it serve you to learn from it, for example make sure you have some fun activities planned for the 21 and 22 day mark.
  7. Shady

    Shady Active Member

    Yeah that's what I do.

    And that's a very good idea. Fun activities for the 21 day. I'll do that.

    We're all in this together.
    BoughtWithBlood likes this.
  8. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    It's good to be aware of the tougher pieces of your path, but you should also be aware that this can become a selffulfilling prophecy. Telling yourself that a particular day or situation is very hard can easily become an excuse. In the end I don't really see why day 21 should be harder than day 18 or day 24;)
  9. Shady

    Shady Active Member

    I know because I've been through this for the past three years trying to get rid of this addiction and ending up relapsing.
    But I see your point so I'll try not to think to much about it or give it much weight.
    And thank you for the advice.

    So today I woke up feeling depressed and based on three years experience I know this is a recipe for relapse.
    Tried to think about the reason I'm feeling depressed and found none which means it's all PMO related. I refused to allow this relapse to happen so I decided to go out and get so e fresh air. I walked around the block and I also got some errands run. Now I'm feeling much better. I just hope the feeling doesn't come back at night.

    Were all in this together.
    BoughtWithBlood likes this.
  10. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Active Member

    Well done! Always a good idea to get out of the house when things get hard. No pun intended :p
    Shady likes this.
  11. Shady

    Shady Active Member

    Ten day streak
    I still get urges to watch porn, but what used to turn me on doesn't anymore.
    Is that the flatline I keep hearing about?
    BoughtWithBlood likes this.
  12. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Active Member

    Yeah probably. It’s part of the process and is very important for recovery. The urges should get less too while flatlining.
    Shady likes this.
  13. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    Three weeks sounds about right, that's when any addiction starts to lose its grip on me. My experience of flatline is no urges whatsoever. Nothing, basically (like the name implies.) Very liberating and welcome for the progress. And, in hindsight, dangerous when getting out of it.
    Shady likes this.
  14. Shady

    Shady Active Member

    Today I was so close to a relapse and I'm still not out of the woods yet so I'm thinking of going to bed just to end the day.

    The way you described it shows me that I'm not experiencing flatline.
    I have tried the 21 days PMO free more than once over the past 2-3 years and I've never experienced flatline.
    Why do you say it's dangerous when getting out of it.
    Gil79 likes this.
  15. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    Because you might not be ready for getting horny when it's over. It's easy to tell myself "just one look" and then it's too late.
    Shady likes this.
  16. Shady

    Shady Active Member

    Now you're scaring me.
  17. Shady

    Shady Active Member

    Day 13:
    It's all going like clockwork.
    Just like everytime I go PMO free, I get depressed right around now.
    I went for a run/jog/walk and then I came home and had a cold shower then I called some friends. I feel a little bit better but not nearly enough.
    It doesn't matter though. I'm really determined this time. I'm not ruining it this time.This time I'm going to break my 21 day record.
  18. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    It really messes with the mood. Yesterday I felt good but today I feel withdrawn. I'm sure you can beat it and go far beyond, the determination is there.
    Shady likes this.
  19. Shady

    Shady Active Member

    This night was so difficult.
    I had so many weird erotic dreams and I woke up with a morning wood but nothing wet.
    The urges when I woke up were all of the charts. This is so difficult.
    I ignored all this and distracted myself and now it's all going away.
    I'm hanging in there.
    Eternity likes this.
  20. Shady

    Shady Active Member

    This night was even more difficult.
    I'm having weirder dreams each night.
    This night the erotic dreams got even weirder. This night they were homosexual in nature and I've always been heterosexual.

    I'm so confused. Has this ever happened to anyone else? Should I be worried? Am I doing something wrong?

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