A New Decade - Let's Go

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Rudolf Geyse, Oct 17, 2021.

  1. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Not a great day yesterday in terms of productivity. But: here I am, 45 days no P, 5 days no FMO - that's rank Corporal on the app. So that's something.

    I try to make use of the Hardline in Queppet's STAQ method. But on a day where I'm so low and tired like yesterday I battle to get through even that Hardline list. I "put out fires" at work and then kind of collapse.

    This has always been a challenge for me in addiction and in life. Do I need to kick my own butt a bit or give myself a break? What will set me up for success at any given point: Do I need to soldier through or do I need to give myself some space? When I've tried to confess to accountability partners as well: sometimes I have received what felt like judgment and harshness, which I felt was not helpful, but on other occasions, I've felt like, why isn't this guy giving me rockets, why is he going so easy on me? Also not helpful. Basically, with regards to fighting against addiction and for productivity, when is the right time to put my foot on the gas, and when is the right time to put my foot on the brakes?

    Anyway the advantage is I do feel better today in the sense of having some more energy and motivation to tackle the pile of work. So I guess there is my answer. But there is SO much to get to. I would rather push through now so I can take some proper downtime in Dec.

    God help me with this stuff. Need that "wisdom from above" (James 3:17).
  2. forlorn

    forlorn Well-Known Member

    Only you can judge the right answer to the above. It's about achieving a balance that you're satisfied with.
    Having said that, here's my perspective on it - there will always be piles of work to do. Stay focused/productive but don't beat yourself up about it. Your mental and physical health matters more than piles of work.

    I'd suggest you may want to 'kick your own butt' and 'soldier on through' by addressing the FMO issue. If you can work towards creating wider gaps, you will weaken those neural pathways. Are you physically able to MO without recalling mental fantasies?
    positivef likes this.
  3. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Thanks @forlorn . I agree that by dealing with FMO in this season it will free up a lot more time and mental energy for the future with healthier coping systems.

    In this stretch, having taken hard stance of not looking at P and also removing FMO, I am ok with the occasional MO if i) it does not pull me out of the game for hours and hours - that would be a relapse, and ii) I only recall fun times with my wife during MO. So the answer to your question is yes.
    forlorn likes this.
  4. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Well-Known Member

    Congrats on your 45-day streak, man. A month and a half, now that's an achievement! Glad to see your 40s are SOOO productive :D.

    Seems like I somehow missed the notifications from your thread.
    Rudolf Geyse likes this.
  5. BaldrRising

    BaldrRising Member

    I've been absent for a while. What's FMO?
  6. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

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  7. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    From where I'm standing today I have a real hatred for P. Hatred, man. Again - so much of my life given to this thing, for what? Kept me in shackles, prevented me from thriving. If I could have been this focussed on the real world from my twenties to now...!

    But, I've also learned not to reject the path that took me here. Yes the growth has been slow but I don't despise the slow growth. In fact I believe it was necessary for me to learn these lessons the hard way. I only hope some of the guys in the younger age groups can learn the lessons earlier than I did.

    46 Days no P, 6 Days no FMO.
    Shady, BaldrRising and Libertad like this.
  8. Mad Dog

    Mad Dog Well-Known Member

    Each of us learns at a Individual pace. Some never learn but your wish is very heartfelt. BTW you are doing great keep going.
    Rudolf Geyse and Libertad like this.
  9. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Little bit shaky last night but staying the course.
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  10. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Well-Known Member

    Not worth throwing it all away!
    Rudolf Geyse likes this.
  11. Libertad

    Libertad Well-Known Member

    50 days in sight. Think about how you would feel now after a relapse. Like CleanBootsBaby! said, the short time of Dopamine rush is not worth it. You are doing great. Stay the course, You can do it. Have a great PMO free week.
    Rudolf Geyse likes this.
  12. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Thanks gents. @CleanBootsBaby! @Libertad and @Shady . Wowza! You are right 50 days! Glad I came on after a busy weekend to see this! 50 days tomorrow! Will continue to hold out for sure. It was getting to a point where acting out might have seemed normal, but yes, not worth it. Looking forward to checking in here tomorrow.
    Shady and CleanBootsBaby! like this.
  13. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    There it is. 50 days on counter. 10 days no FMO: Iron Will app rank Master Sergeant.

    I can't remember the last time in my life I had 50 days without looking at websites featuring P and P subs images. That statement is both shocking and hopeful.

    It's also helpful to document the experience since I haven't really been here before. I'm pretty sensitive to stimulus at the moment, seeing an attractive woman in public will get my brain going on old habits. Not strong urges, I'd call it about 6/10 strength, but I'd say it goes on most of the time.

    What's helpful at the moment is to check in here, and also to focus on staying close to my wife. She is experiencing exhaustion, we have been to several specialists to try to get to the bottom of it but it's taking time. We scheduled some time to get intimate but work and kids crowded that out. Soon though. It still helps to get close to her even if we can't have sexy exciting times.

    Looking ahead to 80/40 days.
    Mozenjo likes this.
  14. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Congrats, man!!! I've been following your journey, and you've been doing great. You're doing the work, and it's paying off.
    Thinking good thoughts for you and your wife. I hope the docs can get to the bottom of what's ailing her.
    Have a great week.
    Rudolf Geyse likes this.
  15. BaldrRising

    BaldrRising Member

    Congratulations on 50 days! That quite an achievement.
    Rudolf Geyse likes this.
  16. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Well-Known Member


    It's old habits, but rewiring itself will make you notice more attractive women around. Sorry, you notice more women as attractive, since your brain is going back to normal, instead of paying tribute to the P-fueled "perfection".


    Sorry, man. I really hope they will get to the bottom of this ASAP.
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  17. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    @CleanBootsBaby! Dude! 100 Days! Awesome.

    I have to tell you - there are some pretty "perfect" women walking around my neighbourhood. How to combat this? For a single guy it's to work on yourself and put yourself out there. For me it's to remember my wife is perfect for me. French toast and coffee just appears on the breakfast table for me, among 1000s of other benefits, experiences, memories. I won't trade what I tangibly have for the mist of fantasy.


    I have to report a compulsive FMO yesterday. I have to analyse what was going on there. It felt a lot like an itch - a frustration or an irritation to be removed. I don't know if there was a deeper trigger. There hasn't been more stress than usual, in fact I am this close to getting through a couple of tasks that have been bugging me for months... can't wait. I want to get away from regular MO if I can but it would have been better to do that with "good thoughts" and cut out the F.

    Next I start struggling with counter resets and what will be most motivating to help me continue and overcome... I wouldn't call this episode a relapse but it was too close for comfort. As @CleanBootsBaby! says, it's helpful to have some "terms & conditions" in place, and mine state that I don't reset on each screw-up, unless it takes hours and hours out of my day or it becomes an ongoing string of screw-ups. I find this most helpful for my motivation.

    However. I'm going to opt for the FMO counter reset. I like to be able to say "x days no FMO" and not in my mind have that addition "except for y amount of times when I did FMO."

    So. I'm at 50 days no P. 17 hours no FMO.

    My new goal is 90 days no P / 40 days no FMO. And take it from there.

    I'll also be closely watching the triggers and physical sensations in this stage of the journey. It's pretty much uncharted waters for me. I'd like to dig a bit deeper on what I'm feeling, what I'm thinking in those moments when the urges hit.
    Last edited: Dec 7, 2021
  18. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Good idea. Being conscious of how the ritual plays itself out at this stage should help. We both seem to use PMO as stress relief, but what we're thinking when we're stressed and tired is important. It's not just "I'll rub one out cuz I'm tired". There's more to it than that. Carry on, bud.
    Rudolf Geyse likes this.
  19. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Had an interesting one today. Got off a deadline that was bothering me for ages, now to quickly plan the rest of my work til the office closes on the 15th... was exhausted from pushing pretty hard for pretty long so went down for a nap. While dozing a fantasy scenario started playing out, and I stopped it. I was like, no, no, I see where this is going and I'm not interested. In my half-asleep state I literally drew an X over the picture. Then I woke up. Messed up my nap time, fortunately I could still snatch just a few minutes and now I'm up again and at it.

    Anyways, staying the course, 52 days no P / 2 days no FMO, rank: Scout.
  20. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Well-Known Member

    Thank you! There were times during those 100 days that (maybe twice?) I wanted to throw in the towel, I was looking at P alternatives, but decided against it. Now I have a clarity and a motivation that allow me to coast.

    Ah, I see. One of those neighborhoods :).

    Well, as a married man, at least you can get sex. (And I love the last part I quoted above. Yes, yes, yes!) Imagine me...praying for a wet dream, LOL.
    Rudolf Geyse likes this.

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