Not a great day yesterday in terms of productivity. But: here I am, 45 days no P, 5 days no FMO - that's rank Corporal on the app. So that's something. I try to make use of the Hardline in Queppet's STAQ method. But on a day where I'm so low and tired like yesterday I battle to get through even that Hardline list. I "put out fires" at work and then kind of collapse. This has always been a challenge for me in addiction and in life. Do I need to kick my own butt a bit or give myself a break? What will set me up for success at any given point: Do I need to soldier through or do I need to give myself some space? When I've tried to confess to accountability partners as well: sometimes I have received what felt like judgment and harshness, which I felt was not helpful, but on other occasions, I've felt like, why isn't this guy giving me rockets, why is he going so easy on me? Also not helpful. Basically, with regards to fighting against addiction and for productivity, when is the right time to put my foot on the gas, and when is the right time to put my foot on the brakes? Anyway the advantage is I do feel better today in the sense of having some more energy and motivation to tackle the pile of work. So I guess there is my answer. But there is SO much to get to. I would rather push through now so I can take some proper downtime in Dec. God help me with this stuff. Need that "wisdom from above" (James 3:17).