A New Decade - Let's Go

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Rudolf Geyse, Oct 17, 2021.

  1. tig

    tig Active Member

    Just had some issues regarding this over the past few days.
    Paradoxically I found that cutting myself slack and expecting LESS of myself helped.
    Over the past two weeks I have barely studied. I had an expectation to do 4 hours study 6 days per week, and exercise every day, in and among other work.
    I did the exercise, but didn't do much study :(
    It made me feel shit.
    I lowered my expectation to 2 hours per day and exercise 3 times this week.
    I'm procrastinating less because it doesn't seem as daunting to me ("mountain of tasks" you said).
    Then when I meet my expectation at, say, 8pm, I feel amazing and less likely to procrastinate tomorrow.
    Plus, at 8pm, I ask myself what I expect to do for the rest of day, and could potentially put in another 1-2 hours depending on what time I want to go to bed.
    Don't want to speak too soon coz I've only just started this, but seems to be working for me.


    P.s. If I don't meet my expectation, I remind myself that its ok, that no-one is going to die, that my family still loves me, and that I still love myself.
    Rudolf Geyse likes this.
  2. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the response @tig .

    Today I am really excited to start the new month tomorrow.

    Yes I have had a pattern in my life of caving to urges. Yes I have looked at smut. I regret it. I regret having those images still in my head. Petty, prideful, degrading, humiliating, everything I stand against. I went there. It happened. Far, far too many times. Too many even to count.

    If my wife knew the extent she would be pissed off. The hours I spent on that instead of pulling for my family, helping her, improving our lives, finding legitimate joys.

    But today is a new day. I believe I have taken ground against this addiction. It's time to put it to bed. I may have said these things before. But there's no reason I can't push through the pain, push through the emptiness, and use the time to win back my life. It's now or never now.

    Give me one month porn free! Give me one month fap free! Porn is bull$#!+! Solo MO is bull$#!+! Fantasising for long minutes, hours - it's all bull! It gives me NOTHING. I have blown it a million times and proven a million times over, IT'S NOT WORTH IT.

    Let's go!
  3. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    I'm serious about keeping up a streak for June, no peeking, no solo MO. Immediately having vague urges. Reminding myself that P is bull, the fantasy is bull, solo MO is bull, that would keep me "on the hook" and suck the life out of me. I'd rather enjoy real life and reach some goals right now. Will keep checking in.
  4. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    I'm with you, Rudolf. June is to be a clean month. Then on to July!
    1MoreLookAway and Rudolf Geyse like this.
  5. 1MoreLookAway

    1MoreLookAway Member

    @Mozenjo @Rudolf Geyse Ride or Die, from June to July, somehow the words just rhyme and it all comes together ;)

    You guys got this! We know the first week is the hardest, the most brutal, just mentalise that the addiction will try to throw the sink at you, but if you occupy your days, slowly but surely you'll no longer occupy your minds with porn. I'm rooting for you all and I know both can easily slam 3 days, then 1 week, and I'm not exaggerating when I say if you can do 1 week, you've signed a blank cheque and you add the numbers you like!

    Good luck fellas!
    Mozenjo and Rudolf Geyse like this.
  6. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    I love it gents, thanks @Mozenjo @1MoreLookAway

    Today again I am elated to be leaving the addiction behind! I want to never forget this feeling. When the urge is hitting, 2 or 3 weeks from now, I want to remember how glad I am right now to be rid of it.

    Hard to describe the sensation of urges landing on day 1 of the month… it largely comes from “entertainment.” If I see a pretty lady in my feed or show, I have taught myself to appropriate that image and really twist it for gratification. Now, that is not who want to be! But in the moment there is a pang of wanting to “have” that. But, it’s not “having” anything! It’s losing what I really have! It’s sacrificing family, relationships, intimacy, joy and fulfilment for smoke, for nothing - in fact, worse than nothing. P, patterns of F, solo MO - these are not neutral, they are negative, poison, death to what I truly want, death to my dreams. No thanks.
    Mozenjo and 1MoreLookAway like this.
  7. 1MoreLookAway

    1MoreLookAway Member

    This is a highly thought-provoking post, appropriating and 'pretty lady', I think there's an uncanny relation. We have to appropriate something for it to mean anything to us. To register a woman as pretty, we equally register others as ugly/unworthy/"normal/average". As men, how often based on the judgement that a lady is pretty have we treated her nicer? Have we obsessed ourselves with 'winning her over?' Atst, the average women seem to be sprayed with some sort of repugnant, miasmic repellent, and we treat them in a less courteous way. This is something I believe porn affects in men, and it needs to manipulate this so it can sell us our high and it's product.

    A pretty lady is a dime a dozen, but a pretty heart requires eyes whose attentiveness is not diluted by porn. Porn is like trying to find your destination, with a broken GPS. P teaches us to desire our own imprisonment, and that is the ultimate cuckold, all porn is cuckold porn as I've heard.

    Luckily you have muscle memory that this week will be a rollercoaster, but you've been there and done that. Conquer the day, that's all there is to it.

    Happy weekend everyone!
    -Luke- and Rudolf Geyse like this.
  8. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Great post @1MoreLookAway !

    I have been scarce, but I am still serious about building this streak. Had some close calls but today I am renewed in my commitment to this.
  9. 1MoreLookAway

    1MoreLookAway Member

    I'm very happy to hear this, it's been a beautiful day where I am, and I'd not like to think you were doing anything besides reclining at the beach or in your garden, indulging in some ice cream, or going out.;)

    It's funny that w/o p, life provides more options and colour :rolleyes:
  10. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    I've been in a bit of a war, friends - really got into some deep-running issues with my wife. Also lost my cool with my kids. It's helpful when these warning lights come on so I can take stock and make adjustments that can set me up for the rest of my life. Lots of stress, feel like I'm being pulled in different directions. Over the last couple of days at least, I am so glad I haven't had more than a passing interest in acting out with P or solo MO. I want to complete this month on the current streak and have an even cleaner month after that.
  11. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Doing well, staying the course.
  12. 1MoreLookAway

    1MoreLookAway Member

    You're very aware Rudy, it's good that you're holding yourself to account, without being unkind to yourself, and overall noticing you're just as human as all of us, remember even the weather can't keep cool this summer ️:eek:;)
    Last edited: Jun 15, 2023
    Rudolf Geyse likes this.
  13. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Another counter reset. Thoughts:
    • What got me was, as usual, allowing some space for fantasy after the 25 day mark, and justifying that behaviour to myself (whereas if I looked at it with a level head I wouldn't have done it). Fantasy is unsatisfying by itself so then I allowed myself to look for Psubs, and so I built up to a proper relapse.
    • I really want to see what my life looks like after 30 days totally clean so I'm going for that again. I need some way to remind myself it's not worth it once the streak is a bit longer, and to to let my guard down.
    • On the plus I am pretty glad with where my life is at and my struggle with this issue - at times in my life it has dominated my whole week. Relapses are much more confined to a couple of hours and don't take over my whole life as much.
    • But, cumulatively, the time spent on relapses are still 100% detrimental. They don't give any benefit that is worth the time spent on F and Psubs. They still pull my mind into the gutter and take too much energy and focus to get back on track after.
    • Going again. I want to hone in on responding well to that first urge and journalling right through the 30 days. Also I need to focus on weekends. During the week I think my routines are pretty solid & keep me going straight, but the space on the weekend is where the mismanagement usually comes in and things get out of hand.
    -Luke-, StarWarsFan and path-forward like this.
  14. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Seems lately I'm only checking in when I relapse. Maybe that's part of the problem? I'm not discouraged, I want to go again and I still have this goal to eradicate the habit completely.
    path-forward and tig like this.
  15. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Staying the course and loving it actually. Lots of energy, lots of focus. I'm looking again not only at beating this obsession, but what I want out of life. Radical clarity. The issue I have is sustaining this mindset throughout the bouts of urges that hit at one week and again at three weeks. Let's go!
    path-forward likes this.
  16. path-forward

    path-forward Well-Known Member

    RG - Great to hear! Perfect attitude to beat this addiction. Keep it going! You got this!
    Rudolf Geyse likes this.
  17. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Thank you @path-forward . And that is a nice-looking day counter you have there, congrats
    path-forward likes this.
  18. path-forward

    path-forward Well-Known Member

    Thank you very much!
  19. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Had a stumble last night, but not a fall. Have been stressed out by tasks which I have not been able to complete due to various reasons, and some mounting bills. Plus I saw a fairly innocuous meme but it played into a fetish I used to indulge in and let me down a bad path. I have strategies for dealing with stress better than acting out on Psubs and fantasy, but I need to implement them better. A big part of it which I am trying to work on is radical clarity - I often don't get to planning so I don't know exactly how much work will be required of me in the next few days. This not knowing converts quickly to feeling stressed and out-of-control. I am trying to implement more rigorous planning, assigning tasks to weekday blocks. Then I will better manage client expectations, etc. Clarity on my workload means less stress. Let's see how this goes.
    path-forward likes this.
  20. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    I want 30 days clean. Best way to do it is build today. Every day making better choices is a win.

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