A New Decade - Let's Go

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Rudolf Geyse, Oct 17, 2021.

  1. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Feeling the urges very strong today. Everything is a trigger, from seeing an attractive woman at the side of the road, to a song on the radio, all leading me down the path of fantasy. I reckon, having cut out P cold turkey, my brain is turning to other neural pathways of using anything I can look at as fuel for F.

    Hard as it may be, I will stay the course. I have allowed the odd MO up til this point but I think it will be helpful to switch off from that til I get to 30 days and then take it from there.
     
    Old Tom Bombadil likes this.
  2. badger

    badger Active Member

    it's okay to look up a the sun but don't stare.
     
    Rudolf Geyse likes this.
  3. True Change

    True Change Member

    - Don't wish the urges were weaker - wish you were stronger
    - You're doing well - stay with it
     
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  4. Mad Dog

    Mad Dog Well-Known Member

    The urges will not get weaker they will get stronger as the p monster tries to pull you back ! But you know the deal rock on !
     
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  5. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the support all. @badger @True Change @Libertad @Mad Dog

    Still right on the edge. The only thing that kept me from MO or PMO since the last post was thinking about how lame it would be to come on a reset the counters now. I don't want to go back around this same mountain again, I've relapsed in this stretch too often. It's balls to the wall now, if you'll excuse the expression.

    And when I pause before MO rather than going with it on autopilot, then it gives me a chance to remember some of the deeper reasons why I don't want to give any more time or energy to that crap.

    The reason for the urges is still this underlying urge to escape my situation. I'm rather going to jump in and see if I can't clear some of these really urgent tasks which have been bugging me.

    Good music, good coffee and pomodoro time. Let's go!
     
  6. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    From all those constant urges, to very little. Feeling very good about avoiding P and PMO on this streak. However! I feel like I need to sign up on a forum called "Your Procrastination Rebalanced" or "Your Workload Rebalanced" or even "Your Stress Rebalanced". I am having good days and bad days with this thing. It is clear that P has been a work avoidance tactic. I'm just battling, man. Battling to keep talking to myself to stay productive. There is a lot of good stuff I have learned which I can put into practise but it's a constant struggle.

    I'm pretty confident I'll get through this. In fact, I am hoping that this is a watershed moment in my life, where things could go either way if I carry on with old patterns, but rather, by putting some stuff in place now, I can set myself up for a great decade ahead and really accomplish more quality achievements than ever before. Not that I'm on a hamster wheel to try and achieve, but rather I believe by having some good practises in place and not wasting hours on P and work avoidance my time and energy will bring through a much better ROI.

    Let's see. Let's go!
     
    Mozenjo likes this.
  7. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Sorry guys, my journal is about to turn into a productivity journal rather than just a porn-free journal 'cos that's where my battle is raging at the moment. In trying to stay proactive I've taken time to look at my workflows and break down the daily must-do "hardline" tasks into small, doable increments. Feeling good about this latest system. I'll let you know how it works out in practise.
     
    Mozenjo likes this.
  8. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    RG, your struggle is very similar to mine. Turning to P to avoid work is my biggest problem. So we have had a tough time of this because we cannot NOT do the work, meaning we're chained to the very device that tempts us away from that work. In the book I've been reading on giving up sex addictions, they say early on that putting yourself in the environment where the bad stuff happens is obviously not the best way to achieve success. But everyone here is on a computer or cell phone when they come here to post about shaking this addiction. Many people have succeeded despite the inherent danger. We can too! You're doing great. Carry on, man.
     
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  9. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the great encouragement @Mozenjo . Yes we can do this! Got for it your side too. With what you mention in your post, a huge turning point for me on this streak has been blocking all incognito and private windows. This is what has snapped me out of the "muscle memory" of turning to P for work avoidance.

    I'm really optimistic about this latest system for engaging with my work. For the first time in a long time I'm not feeling resistance to getting stuck in.
     
    BoughtWithBlood likes this.
  10. Mad Dog

    Mad Dog Well-Known Member

    The process is quite simple though it may not seem so to us ! You go day by day with the goal in mind. You say " if I don't reach it I die so what ! " But you won't you seem too have a very strong will rock on bro ! It's what I did that allowed me to reach so far over 4 years !
     
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  11. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Today I'm super stoked for:
    • 26 days FREE of all my old P channels.
    • Feeling like I am rounding a corner right now that will set me up for the second half of my life.
    • Productivity systems that are working! Hopefully solving the big underlying issue that led me back to P binging for so many years.
    It's still early days but I am excited. If I can implement this for even a week I'll share some specifics on here that might even help someone else with the same struggles. We'll see. Basically the key principles which worked for me this week, are:

    i) Facing up to issues rather than avoiding 'em
    ii) Deep diving into identity, goals, passions
    iii) Having a system which breaks an overwhelming workload into manageable chunks which don't make me feel resistance
    iv) Having built-in flexibility in the system to deal with low emotions (or high urges)
    v) The Lord's help - I would still be stuck on day 1 otherwise

    Let's go!
     
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  12. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Hm. Some weird urges popping up again today. Been so focussed on work that when I have a little space on the weekend I guess the old habits want to kick in. Staying on guard and looking for constructive ways to use time and energy and keep it chilled. So close to thirty days! Then home stretch to 40! Then life begins when I have beaten my old streak!
     
  13. True Change

    True Change Member

    I can relate. There is a clear relationship between porn addiction and productivity - when one goes up the other goes down. For me, as my streak gets longer, I don't have to 'try' and be more productive - it happens naturally. I don't know if it's due to more time, energy, brain healing, etc. It's probably all those things. I wake up earlier and I WANT to work - these are natural consequences of abstaining.
     
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  14. True Change

    True Change Member

    Your mini goals are great. I'm on 25 - my goal is 30 days. Then to the end of November. Then who knows?

    Your new life began when you decided to beat this addiction.
     
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  15. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Ah man. Feeling the stress very acutely this Monday morning. Same old story - I had a great productive week last week but looked up and saw another mountain of urgent and overdue work ahead of me. I let through an FMO. I already told myself no more strikes so I have to reset my MO counter - just short of the 30-day milestone! That hurts.

    Still haven't looked at P or done PMO so my day counter here looks good. This is by far the least smut I've looked at, I think since I started on the forum in '19.

    Gotta rebuild: One, this is an opportunity to start building a clean MO counter streak. Bring it on! And two, simply dive in and prioritise what I'm going to tackle work-wise today, and keep at it over the coming days... I believe I can get past this backlog and find a better pace if I keep at it. Let me look at this week as a week to right the ship rather than as a hopeless situation. Every task done is another achievement, another happy client, another step in the road to a better position with less stress.
     
    BoughtWithBlood likes this.
  16. Tomato76

    Tomato76 Active Member

    @Rudolf Geyse

    I like these:

    i) Facing up to issues rather than avoiding 'em
    ii) Deep diving into identity, goals, passions
    iii) Having a system which breaks an overwhelming workload into manageable chunks which don't make me feel resistance
    iv) Having built-in flexibility in the system to deal with low emotions (or high urges)
    v) The Lord's help - I would still be stuck on day 1 otherwise.
     
    Rudolf Geyse likes this.
  17. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the reminder @Tomato76 !

    30 days without looking at smut! I can see the finish line of 40 days and breaking my previous streak. And then from there the sky is the limit.

    Still early days with tightening up against FMO but so far so good. Iron Will app rank: Scout.

    Not a bad day yesterday in terms of productivity. Still got so much to do and couldn't or didn't do any after hours work, didn't feel up to it. Gotta get stuck in with these deadlines. The new end of month deadlines are coming into view. Gotta get through this.

    I believe in true freedom from above. I don't have to be enslaved to images, bowing down to them. When I am giving myself to that I am missing out on Life. THE Life. Even with crushing workloads, I am free within. Free to choose, free to plan, free to delegate, free to flourish, free to adapt.

    Let's go!
     
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  18. Libertad

    Libertad Well-Known Member

    Well done for reaching 30 days. Congrats.
    Do you believe in free will?
     
  19. badger

    badger Active Member

    the first 30 days is the hardest. keep going. congrats.
     
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  20. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Thanks @badger .

    Thanks @Libertad . I absolutely believe in free will, and in fact I think a lot of mankind's problems come from deterministic worldviews, which overrule personal responsibility for actions. Yes, we have free will. We make genuine decisions. We are responsible for the outcomes of our decisions, whether good or bad.

    ---

    Evenings are a challenge. Without P to turn to, I find myself scrolling through my feed for ages, possibly looking for triggers. It's like an auto-pilot thing. I've got my feeds pretty clean from triggers so it's just a time-wasting exercise in futility. Gotta try implement something else, like listening to good podcasts rather, till I'm tired enough to fall asleep. I should get back to exercising as well, I'll fall asleep quicker, but the workload has been so full lately that exercise has been sidelined.
     

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