A New Decade - Let's Go

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Rudolf Geyse, Oct 17, 2021.

  1. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Feeling much better today, ready for further punishment :D

    Wow guys, thanks for the encouragement. It's a big help to be able to post while I'm really in the trenches and know that there are brothers fighting the same battle with me and pulling for me.

    Also Queppet is so helpful. Have you seen his new videos, aimed specifically at guys like us in an abstain-relapse cycle? https://info.reforgedman.com/launch-page-1-511660701633962860869

    Also the Word, man. We can have certainty of God's transformative power (Luke 1:4, 77-79; 3:16...).

    Anyways: Let's go!
  2. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member


    Yep, we're all in this together, man. I see progress in most of the lives of the guys I follow here, and that is motivating for me as well.

    Thanks for the recommendation, bro.
    Rudolf Geyse likes this.
  3. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    One frustration is when I'm all set to go, to knock off tasks which have been hanging over me for ages, and then immediately there is a major upset to my work day. Some curve ball or unexpected issue which costs me hours. I need to find ways to manage these interruptions without collapsing.

    My current rank on Iron Will App: Master Sergeant! I'm enjoying how this streak is building.
    Last edited: Oct 28, 2021
  4. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Past halfway to my first goal of a 21-day streak. From there each day becomes a goal on its own as my most common relapses were always in the 21-30 day period. Then we'll see from there.

    I definitely feel as if I've taken some strides in the area of P. Blocking all private browser windows was instrumental as it broke my "muscle memory" actions of looking for images online.

    I feel like the next stage is arguably harder: I need to knuckle down on some good productivity habits. Yes I'm not looking at harmful stuff and that can only help in the long run. Yes I needed (and still need) to focus on breaking the P habit in order to improve productivity. But at the moment I'm just replacing P with other forms of procrastination, and I'm still not putting in enough qualitative work blocks. Need to improve in this area. That is what the next season of my life looks like.
  5. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Pro's: This has been one a very clean streak. Haven't looked at any of the usual old go-to's. There were one or two times when I lingered on images from normal feeds, which I shouldn't, but other than that, pretty much no peeking. There was also one fantasy session about a week ago, worth avoiding. This is all far less than the usual. I still try open the occasional incognito window and find that I've locked those down which reminds me to rather put down the phone or close the computer and stay clean.

    Con's: Productivity seems to be taking a knock. It would have been better if I had done more over the weekend and in my evenings but I didn't feel up to it. I have some techniques for when I'm not up to it, but didn't put them into practise. I am way behind for month-end tasks. This is stressful. Best thing I can do is prioritise and tackle it with some dedication over the next days.

    Rank on Iron Will App: Knight. Sweeeeeet. I want to get all the way up to "Knight-Captain" on this streak at least. I find the "gamifying"angle works for me somewhat as s little positive dopamine hit.
    BoughtWithBlood likes this.
  6. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    If you don't like religious posts, skip this one. There's one concept which only the Biblical worldview can give someone to help overcome an addictive cycle: HOLINESS.

    Think of all the awful dreck in society today. And down through the ages. Greed. Rape. Injustice. Ignorant bigotry. Bloodshed. Disrespect to fellow people and people groups. Abuse. Hostility.

    Imagine this awful dark side of the human experience is all over you. Covering you like thick, greasy oil stains.

    Now imagine an all-powerful Being so removed from all of that. Untouched. Not a speck of filth in Him or His presence. Pure. Someone "Other" to our experience. HOLY.

    Now imagine He would lend you His holiness. Place His own purity on and into you. That He had some unique substance which could wash the dark side of human experience off of you and reform you in His holy image. Clean you inside and out.

    Now why would you want to go back and wallow in filth again?
    BoughtWithBlood likes this.
  7. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Well-Known Member

    I love the song Felix Culpa from Kings Kaleidoscope. Which has a great part in it about this ‘unique substance’ “ from his wounds a rushing torrent that can wash it all away”.

    Rudolf Geyse likes this.
  8. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the share @BoughtWithBlood , I dig Kings Kaleidoscope but haven't heard this one, will check it out.

    Today it's game time. I need to put everything into practise which I've learned on the journey so far. I'm half past late with my deadlines. My brain is throwing quick fire ideas at me for indulging in F in an effort to escape the discomfort. Today I have to stay the course. Normally an FMO or PMO is unacceptable, but today it would be even worse. I need to rise to the challenge and knock off some of these tasks today.

    @CleanBootsBaby! 's quote is in my mind: As bad as things are, I can always make 'em worse with PMO.

    Let's go.
  9. jumptime

    jumptime New Member

    So true. Things never get better with PMO
    Rudolf Geyse likes this.
  10. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    So far so good. Still getting little pangs of urges, flashes of thoughts I previously cultivated, that literally set my pulse racing. Fortunately there have been so many meetings I haven't had the time to indulge. Still a truckload of work to get through though. It's going to come into play later tonight - there's no way I'll avoid working late. Need to visualise what that will look like, the right way. I'll check in after.
    BoughtWithBlood likes this.
  11. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Made it through the night. Got through a little bit of work but not nearly enough. There is also a big interruption that came in today that will give me even less time to meet deadlines. It's an enjoyable interruption though so I'm just going to make the most of it and look at an all-nighter tonight if needs be. Importantly, I kept resisting those continuing urges to mess around with FMO.

    A much better relaxing break than scrolling through feeds is to lie down on the couch or bed and listen to music. I like to listen to powerful pieces that stir emotion. Sometimes we look to MO to feel alive but there are other ways to legitimately enjoy life and sensation. This is a track that hits me and I return to it from time to time: Hans Zimmer - Time

    17 Days without looking at P! My first target of 21 days is just around the corner, I definitely don't want to blow it now.
  12. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Well-Known Member

    You’re doing great! Keep it going. Nice discovery of how listening to music can make you feel alive and replace that P craving. Also, lying down without a screen for a while can really help to boost productivity after.
    Rudolf Geyse likes this.
  13. jumptime

    jumptime New Member

    Yes we need good substitutes, Healthy and balanced ways of pleasure. PMO has hijacked our brains. We need to heal our brains and recover our souls. Seems like your on to something.
    Rudolf Geyse likes this.
  14. badger

    badger Active Member

    it's the first car in the train that kills you, not the caboose.
    Rudolf Geyse likes this.
  15. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Another good day behind me. Another pile of work ahead of me. Only way out is through. Need to manage my priorities and chip away at this.

    Since I locked down my private browsing and made a firm commitment not to go there, I'm definitely spending more time scrolling thru social media and surfing on "ok" sites. It's like there is a craving for the old habits and I guess there is some kind of "dopamine pathway" I've created in which I'm hoping to stumble on something that could lead to PMO. I need to be aware of this and resist the old patterns. I need to not pick up my phone every time I have a five minute break.

    This has been a more challenging streak than usual. I believe it will pay off in the long run if I stick it out.
  16. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    This is funny, the previous post I read mentioned the same quote.

    What I can say is that it's still true. It doesn't seem in the moment, but it's true!

    Stay strong and may everything align well for you.
    Rudolf Geyse likes this.
  17. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

  18. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    I MO'd last night. Still glad I haven't looked at anything. Very rocky getting to my first target here of 21 days. But I've met my goals of not looking at P or subs, and therefore no PMO or Psubs-MO relapses.

    Usually before I hit 20 days I have a week or two in which I don't even think about P. This has not been the case this time. I was planning to get to 21 days and then sharpen up cos that is a "trigger zone". But instead I've already had to take it just one day at a time.

    Let me re-iterate and re-establish my goals here. My day counter here on YBR represents not looking at P or P subs. I have found it helpful not to reset on a small slip but I will reset if I relapse into a time-consuming pattern of escapism or binging. A string of slips is also a reset.

    I am using a decent little Android app called Iron Will to track MO's. So in this way I am also trying to limit MO or FMO apart from looking at anything. Same principle applies there for relapses and resets. I may reset that counter if I let another one through.

    With that clarity in mind, the real underlying battle at the moment is, as usual for me, workload/deadline stress. I am working on myself every day to keep moving forward with that and not "run for the hills" in escapism to P or other distractions. I have had mediocre results with this but I am convinced I am taking ground in this season.

    So... let's go.
    Shady and jumptime like this.
  19. jumptime

    jumptime New Member

    In SAA every member sets the inner circle behavior. Keep working on yourself brother it will pay off
    Rudolf Geyse likes this.
  20. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    21 days. Alright! I wish I could celebrate tonight but I legitimately have an all-nighter of work ahead of me. I believe this is going to set up the rest of the month to take it at a better pace and knock off some long-standing tasks that have been bugging me.

    If I do stay up all night I'll take it at a slower pace for a couple of days. But then I definitely need to think about my workflows and processes... this isn't working. I need to analyse how I got into this avalanche of work that has been getting me down. Look at what has worked and what hasn't. This is key to alleviating my underlying stresses leading to P use.

    It's amazing, just having the space from P binges - while it has been hard both in terms of resisting urges and even moreso in terms of facing up to life - I definitely feel like I'm better off. I have a greater clarity of thought than when my head is so full of lousy degrading images that I see them when I close my eyes.

    Down with P! We think it's all nice and helpful but it isn't! It's poison! Keep away fellas.

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