A New Decade - Let's Go

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Rudolf Geyse, Oct 17, 2021.

  1. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Yup, same here. I get so much more done now that I'm not seeking out every moment to check out the sites. Well done!
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  2. SomethingElse

    SomethingElse New Member

    Like you said RG "long-term monogamy rocks", not common at all, in an era where the grass is always greener on the other side is like a public mentality. Congrats on the weeks progress, don't let up!!
    Rudolf Geyse likes this.
  3. mailboxsam

    mailboxsam Active Member

    Keep going man you are doing so well. Let me check out this Easy Peasy thing
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  4. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    9 days! Sometimes it goes by so quickly. Almost no urges at the moment. They will return, I know. I'll prepare and be ready. Meanwhile, pretty strange experience - I started debating with some guys on Twitter and man, it sucked me in. I was in a bad headspace for a couple of days, obsessing over it a little. I think the experience of debating on a social media platform, which we know isn't great for negative dopamine loops, at the same time as trying to quit an addictive dopamine cycle in Psubs use... all a bad combination. I guess the lesson is, think about what you are exposing yourself to, or giving yourself to, especially in the first three weeks of a clean streak or more.
  5. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    On cue. First real pangs in this whole streak. It is presenting as a vague thought of "I really don't feel like working this afternoon. If I start working thru my list I might discover something that is going to spill over into my weekend. Maybe I should distract myself altogether..." More avoidance justification, which if I went with it would add stress and keep me "on the hook" for another relapse. Not going to happen. I'd like to see how I'm doing after 3 weeks and then later, 3 months without reinforcing those neural pathways.

    Instead I'll make work fun this afternoon. Great music, pomodoro's, some exercise breaks and some rewarding downtime later. Let's do this
    Saville likes this.
  6. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Didn't have the wonderfully productive afternoon I planned on, and didn't follow it up with any work over the weekend, so I was at the upper limit of how much downtime I allow myself in a week. Maybe I needed it, but the 2 previous weeks were also not great on that front, so I'm still trying to pull myself together. Another new week, another opportunity. Still hoping to find more helpful rhythms again like I was a couple months ago.

    At least I didn't relapse. Disappointingly though, I did look at some Psubs briefly and also pursued some F. Still need to unlearn the brainwashing, the lie that there is any benefit to going there. As a short-term goal I would like three weeks with NO peeking or wilful F. I've been there before, but I haven't been to 3 months since at least 2019, so this is my next goal to reach. Even as an experiment, I'd like to see how I do without "greasing" the neural pathways at 3 weeks and 3 months. Meanwhile every day without relapse is a win.

    Reading on overcoming the addiction sometimes puts me into a negative and somewhat obsessive headspace. Perhaps better to keep journalling rather, and limit my reading on the subject.
  7. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Yes it can. I read self-help books obsessively for years, but never got any closer to feeling good about myself, let alone changing my habits. We all know the drill and what it takes to be clean.

    Pat yourself on the back for the work you have done.
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  8. Libertad

    Libertad Well-Known Member

    I noticed the same. Around two years ago I stopped buying self help books because I also did not see much progress after buying and reading around 80 to 100 self help books over the past ten years before the point were I stopped. For me it was almost like an excuse to avoid the real work. I could say to myself that I am working on myself by reading self help books, making lists with goals and all that but in reality I was avoiding the real work.
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  9. mailboxsam

    mailboxsam Active Member

    Haha yes I'm afraid I have been guilty of a fair amount of F too in the last week, "greasing the pathways" as you put it. But, hanging in there.

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  10. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

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  11. ananoman

    ananoman Active Member

    Keeping busy is key- too much down time, and for me, too much alone time away from my wife can lead us all down the wrong path. It is something I have been dealing with in "retirement".

    Also, I agree that constantly obsessing over the same issues can be detrimental- better to distract our minds with something else
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  12. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    I have had an ongoing urge to go along with a particular fantasy again. It feels sort of like trying to ride on a bike along a track without falling into a well-worn groove in the track. I have to remind myself that the groove will lead me to fall right off the track if I ride in that groove. I have found that it is not too difficult to go against the urge, but it's just on me all the time, like, round the clock at the moment. I'm committed to better things so I don't want to go there.
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  13. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Doing great here at 16 days no relapse. I know I've been here before and I long for this to be permanent. There is no reason why it can't be.

    16 Days no relapse, 3 days no peeking / no F. I want to get this one to 3 weeks. Taking it one day at a time and feeling good.
  14. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Here's another thing PMO / FMO doesn't actually help me with: falling asleep. I remember the times I went along with the pattern using this excuse, but I didn't fall asleep after - it wasn't helpful maybe 50% of the time or more. Millions of people fall asleep without it, no problem. I'm trying to abandon that pattern and use other helpful things like good, chilled music, which is a much more enjoyable experience during and after than using MO.

    I wouldn't say I'm urging at this point, but it's like my brain is supplying awful ideas for me to act on, in hopes of getting its fix. Need to rise it out. Fortunately I have been keeping busy with work, it's been a great week, but I think I may need to do some journalling as I move into downtime this weekend.

    16 Days no relapse, 4 days no peeking / F.
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  15. Libertad

    Libertad Well-Known Member

    On YT there are videos with hours of the sound of waves at the beach, or rain in a forest, I use these from time to time when I can´t sleep.
    Great job on staying sober.
  16. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Got sick with a stomach bug for a couple of days, took me out of the game. No relapse but I did peek twice and spent some time fantasizing. So, 21 days no relapse, but back to 0 days no peeking/F.

    I think we need to actually post more on how terrible it is when we've caved in to the addiction. This is what I know has helped other men coming on here - they were tempted/urging, they came on here and saw guys talking about how it wasn't worth it to go along with PMO and how awful they felt when they did, and so they decided in that moment they wouldn't go along with it. Let's post more on just how much it sucks when we go along with the addicton.

    So here it is: I feel crap that I haven't been able to string together a streak for 7 days with no peeking/F. It goes against everything I'm trying to build. I know that the right thing to do is to get over this addiction, get myself off that hook, and they way to do that is to get my mind out of that gutter. I know P gives me NOTHING but just keeps me chained up, just keeps me in the void. I know it's never "just one peek". But still I give myself permission to fail in the moment. Like a fool. I know I can do better than that!

    Let me try this again. My first goal is three weeks with no peeking, and no fantasy. This will be the start in a lifetime of freedom from the void. THAT is exciting, I feel elated just thinking about it. To reach this goal I am starting with just one clean day. One day for freedom.

    21 days without a full-blown relapse (in which I dial out of life and waste quality time on PMO) is good, I'm very happy with that. But I'm also happy to reset my counter for this and start counting days clean from peeking and F.
  17. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    "It's hard to find a solution when you admire the problem" - Kondwani Fidel

    We have to HATE this thing, fellas. P and what it does to us is violent, destructive, hurtful and hateful. It is of NO value to anyone. We won't get rid of it while we still love it. I am learning to hate P, like I hate the drug endemic that led to the death of my father. I HATE drugs. I HATE sin. In this season I will HATE pmo. Every good thing it twists and promises us can be separated and loved in helpful legitimate ways - but not in P use.
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  18. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    I love that. We get stuck on looking at our lives (problems) in one way and write narratives about it that aren't true. PMO/F/MO suck and that's all we need to know!
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  19. mailboxsam

    mailboxsam Active Member

    I love that quote too
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  20. path-forward

    path-forward Well-Known Member

    Great way to think!

    You need to view PMO as an enemy of your mind, body, relationships and overall life satisfaction!
    Last edited: Aug 2, 2022
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