A New Decade - Let's Go

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Rudolf Geyse, Oct 17, 2021.

  1. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Hey all. Just aged into this category and I'm raring to go.

    You can see my previous thread here.

    The story so far: Battled with PMO addiction relating to my particular fetish since my early 20s. Came on here nearly 2 years ago and took some strides but I still want to get some distance from this behaviour starting with a 40-day streak. I believe this is the season to get there.

    I see the habit for what it is: a destructive time-waster preventing me from being who I want to be and flourishing in life.

    I hope to get to know some of you guys in this age category like I did in the previous category, so we can mutually encourage one another to keep the nails firmly in the coffin of PMO.

    A new decade, let's go!
     
  2. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    Allow this young buck :) (wishful thinking...) to congratulate you and wish you all the best in this new decade!

    [​IMG]

    Let's GO!
     
    Last edited: Oct 18, 2021
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  3. Tomato76

    Tomato76 Active Member

    Hi Rudolf. Welcome. Just had a read through some of your posts on the other thread... Can relate. Like you I just want to be a good person, and to not waste so much time fighting or giving into what seems to be a relentless urge to self gratify. Keep on improving yourself, I am sure you will be able to make the changes you are seeking.
     
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  4. forlorn

    forlorn Well-Known Member

    Welcome RG. Sounds like you've made some good progress in the last two years. Now, as you enter a new phase of life it's time to build upon your progress and keep learning. I look forward to reading your updates.
     
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  5. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Thanks fellas! @Tomato76 and @forlorn . And also @CleanBootsBaby! and the usual suspects.

    This from Allister Begg: -

    Sow a thought, reap an action.
    Sow an action, reap a habit.
    Sow a habit, reap a character.
    Sow a character, reap a destiny.

    Let's watch those thoughts guys
     
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  6. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    That Begg guy was a smart one, can't beg to differ with him! (Dad jokes, not even being a dad. Go figure! :D)
     
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  7. realness

    realness Active Member

    Welcome RG! Awesome commitment to bring your journey forward to a new group. I love the Allister Begg quote
     
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  8. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Thanks, @realness . Ouch, @CleanBootsBaby!

    Blocker of the day: I have found it helpful to block or disable all Private Browsing / Incognito Modes. I leave my Google account logged in on lots of devices at home and even for a couple of shared apps at work and there is no way I'm going to litter my browsing history with smut, I don't want my family to see that or anyone else. Hence why I have been using too many private tabs to get around this, until I started to block them.

    Here's how to block all the browsers I use:

    Safari on Mac - go to System Preferences | Screen Time | Content & Privacy. If you select "Limit Adult Websites" the option to open a Private Window will be removed. You may have to add YBR to your whitelist in order to access here again.

    Firefox on Mac - Install Private Begone Firefox Extension. Works like a bomb. (Unverified extension so use at own risk, but I was happy to install.)

    Chrome on Mac - I edited the registry via the terminal. Simple steps here: https://www.ampercent.com/how-to-disable-chrome-incognito-mode-on-windows-and-mac/30774/

    Chrome on Android - Incognito Away is a third party app that does the job, not free but super cheap.

    As with all blockers there are of course always ways to circumvent these but as I've said before, for me it's about adding as many hurdles as possible, so that in the moment of weakness I have time to come to my senses.

    I was surprised at how many times since I set these up I went to open incognito windows out of habit (but was now unable to). Hopefully it will help to undo that habit and teach my brain that this is no longer going to be my default behaviour several times a week or day.
     
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2021
  9. Leonard

    Leonard New Member

    Just posting to encourage you on your journey. I am only day six in to being porn free so don’t think I can offer much apart from my best wishes!
     
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  10. Old Tom Bombadil

    Old Tom Bombadil Active Member

    Welcome Rudolf! I enjoyed and benfitted from reading your posts in the 30-39 section so am looking forward to you being part of the ≥ 40s. All best,
    Old Tom
     
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  11. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the kind words @Leonard and @Old Tom Bombadil .

    Let's talk about my latest relapse a few days ago. Got home clean from a nice time away with the fam. Somehow during the drive back I got onto another fantasy track in my head. Mulled it over for a couple of days and then went along with a real bingy relapse over the weekend. Suffice it to say I want that to be the last one. I removed some more materials from my computer, locked down more apps and private windows, I feel like I'm in a really healthy space at the start of this new streak once again.

    Top triggers I need to watch out for:

    1. Feeling overwhelmed at work, especially when I get a moment alone in my office.
    2. Late night after the family is asleep. It may be when I haven't been with my wife for a while. Or it may be chaser effect from when I have. It may be when I'm feeling down, or even when I'm feeling good about myself and feel I need a "reward".
    3. Long drives in the car. I have now seen this pattern.

    How to tackle the above:
    • Reminding myself of who I am, who I want to be, why PMO is devastating to every good thing I value in life. Through private journalling and check-ins here. In those key trigger moments.
    • Tackling the underlying feelings of being overwhelmed:
      • Good reminders of what I can accomplish in a day. In key trigger moments.
      • Making a start rather than avoiding the work. ENGAGE rather than ESCAPE. Often it's easy once I've started.
      • Delegation, wisdom in what I say yes to.
      • Embracing planning. Planning is like a "brain dump" which takes my thoughts out of feeling overwhelmed and into a place where I can focus on one priority at a time.
      • Good constructive downtime and enjoyment.
    • Good rewards for when I am sticking to the above.
    • Push into, invest into, my relationship with my wife. This is huge.
    • On long trips, put on some good listening which I love. Good talks, podcasts, some good theology and sermons.
    • Pray! Fill my head with the Word and what God says about me and all He has done to rescue me from these things.
    Makes sense on paper. Let's do it, let's go
     
    Last edited: Oct 21, 2021
  12. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    All good at 5 days. Have had some minor urges, such as when I see an attractive woman in a show I'm watching, but easy enough to squash when my head is full of the right stuff.

    That reminds me of another trigger I didn't mention yesterday - when I have reported I'm doing well on YBR, that night usually I'm hit with crazy intense urges. So will be aware of that tonight.
     
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  13. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Well-Known Member

    Very well written posts Rudolf. A lot of overview in them. It’s great you’ve analyzed your weaknesses and came up with a battle plan to counter them.

    Wish you all the best brother!
     
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  14. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    "I've got a little bit longer // I've got a ways to go"

    - Grouplove, Ways To Go.

    Today celebrating that I am (and hopefully, we are) heading in the right direction. Even though we are still a work in process, we are taking ground.
     
  15. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Tempted every day but making right choices every day. So far.

    Wanted to stay under the covers in the bed - instead got up and worked out.

    New avatar pic because I want to burn with fire. I want to run with what I am passionate about, not just grind through, looking for escapes. I want to leap into the fray not flee for the hills.

    "...the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars..." - Jack Kerouac

    "One is coming after me whose sandals I am not worthy to untie. He will baptise you with the Holy Spirit and fire." - John the Baptist

    "That you may be strengthened with power through His Spirit in your inner being, that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith." - Paul, the apostle
     
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  16. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    It's not fun to abstain from PMO. It's hard. I was encouraged by reading a success story early on, about a guy who left his daily PMO habit behind. While he was in the battle, in the think of resisting urges and old ways, he reported how irritable and cranky he was. This prepared me for this season right now. Gents, we are trying to leave behind a crutch we have used for years and years in most cases. There is bound to be resistance, mood swings, emotional lows. This is not a reason to give in.

    I feel like I might not be on top of my game the next few weeks - that is ok. As long as I'm not looking at anything I shouldn't be looking at, or letting my mind go where it shouldn't, I'm taking ground.

    Great work day yesterday. Then it got to last night, and with so much work on my plate for month end maybe I should have put in a couple of hours, but I wasn't feeling it. Today got up, presented with even more tasks and feeling even less like I can go for it. It's nothing I can't handle if I think about it, but, I'm just not feeling it. Well, so what that I'm not feeling it, I can still do it.

    I'm reminded of the heroes in the greatest stories - I bet they didn't feel like taking up arms and fighting every moment to secure victory, but they did, they got up and overcame somehow. So can we.

    Lots of journalling today. I've got to get over this hump. I will.
     
  17. Old Tom Bombadil

    Old Tom Bombadil Active Member

    Really liked your post Rudolf - keep on keeping on you are doing great! In terms mood swings and crankiness your expereince is similar to mine I think. I experience this alot especially the first few days after a PMO binge. I understand some of this can be a side effect of dopamine withdrawl and that it gets better as brain chemistry become more normal. Here's hoping so as I am only on day 3! Best,
    Old Tom
     
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  18. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    Yep. This miserable, transient feeling tells us something is happening.

    I take it as a token, and not as a reality that should obsess me. As long as I'm nice to other people around me, it's all good.

    But excellent and motivating post, all of it.
     
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  19. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Thanks @Old Tom Bombadil and @CleanBootsBaby! . Very much feeling the slump. Not a great day by any means but I'm happy I haven't looked at anything or indulged in ways I have declared off-limits.

    Onward
     
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  20. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    That's a good enough day for most of us, man :D.

    You know, the real spirit of the army shines in the trenches, not at parades. You are doing well!
     
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