A new beginning

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by colimpool, Sep 10, 2013.

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  1. chicken

    chicken Guest

    CP your are a man...you are facing your problems head on. That is a man in my book.
     
  2. nofapado

    nofapado Guest

    You are THE MAN.
     
  3. Beowulf

    Beowulf Member

    What is more you are an artist - I think it must be fantastic to have a talent.
    I think wishing you were different in some way leads to withdrawal, uncertainty, and inhibition.
    In my life I have had bouts of massive insecurity, and found myself writing lists of how I must improve, but my happy and productive times have always been when I have been my genuine self... You come across as very genuine and you should enjoy and take pleasure in your talents and in the personality that your wife fell in love with. So try not to be hard on yourself.
    BTW I see your counter is up to a few weeks, congratulations.
     
  4. imout

    imout Active Member

    Hey Col. I had massive ED, massive! I still am not very good in that department. Good enough to have a sexlife but not good enough to have full confidence. I also have a backlog of bad experiences , avoidance in bed. These days everything in me just doesnt want to do penetrative sex. When Im a bit low on top of all that I dont want to go to bed at all with her. But I have realized that that is all bullshit and simply an internal whimp who doesnt want to put some effort into something that ultimately comes easy once I let myself go.

    Lately I have decided that I will initiate it even if im not interested. That might sound like selfdenial. But it isnt. I usually get into it once we are playing around. I do always come and so does she and Im always hard enough to be viable. Penetration is still a hassle and I avoid it but I will make a serious effort from now on.

    Im saying that because I wonder if you did get over the internal resistance if you then would get sucked into the sex/play. Would you naturally enjoy it anyway?

    I believe these are all hangups from porn. We unlearnt the proper sexlife
     
  5. colimpool

    colimpool Active Member

    thanks for all your kind words. just hard sometimes to convince myself. things will improve.

    had some good news today, we exchanged on our houses and will move next week. i am eager to start work on the house and turn it into a great home. its going to be a bit of a stretch at times but well worth the hard effort we will put into it. am dead excited.

    having a little celebration today. nothing serious, at all. just a bit of getting rid of the stress i have been feeling (unnoticed to myself at the time) but its been quite a battle really.

    we are going in a bit blind but I'm sure it will be a wonderful home, its a weird choice but could be beautiful.

    nearly a year ago, i was visiting the doctors having tests because of ED. unable to come up with anything and not wanting to take pills of any sort, i stumbled onto yourbrainonporn.com and through that found this forum. i am happy to say i wouldn't be where i am today, on the 2nd rung of the ladder out of pornland without the comradeship i have felt being a member here. i try to be positive on here, their are struggles, sure but they are really no struggle at all with days on our clocks. every day without porn in our lives is a bonus.

    here's to many more. thanks form the bottom of my heart.
     
  6. chicken

    chicken Guest

    Black Jack CP your at 21! Three weeks. I think that you are doing great. I can see from your posts how things have progressed for you and that the slip you had has made you more determined. Great to hear about you house deal wrapping up. Soon you will be able to get in there and start renovating your dream.
     
  7. Caoimhín

    Caoimhín Winter's coming...

    The growing perspective that you have is great. Sometimes, in the heat of daily struggles, we forget how much we have accomplished. What was my life like last year? Well, not as good as now. I hope that the new place brings you lots of happiness.
     
  8. nofapado

    nofapado Guest

    congratulations on the closing CP.

    good luck with the move.
     
  9. imout

    imout Active Member

    "movin on up" by the M-people. Pun intended.
    Great to hear you are making the move finally. Im working on finding a new house too. A new setting devoid of all th ebad memories
     
  10. Bob Jenkins

    Bob Jenkins New Member

    3 weeks, cp. Things are looking up for you. Good luck with the move.
     
  11. sonofJack

    sonofJack I deserve self-respect

    Great advice for us all: celebrate the improvements.
     
  12. mcbc_rewired

    mcbc_rewired Active Member

    congrats CP on the new home. Sounds like a great project.

    Lets keep going!
     
  13. colimpool

    colimpool Active Member

    thanks so much, sorry things a bit busy at the moment with the move next week. all going well and my hopes for all you to keep on.
    getting this beat, finding answers and understanding the journey ahead.

    as blur once said...

    "there's no other way"

    wish you well my brothers.
     
  14. fcjl8

    fcjl8 The only path for me

    Hope your move goes well colim!

    Stay calm, it will all work out!!!
     
  15. Gracie

    Gracie Member

    Congratulations CP this is great news. A new house is always exciting. Good things just keep happening.!
     
  16. chicken

    chicken Guest

    Stay calm and reno on!
     
  17. colimpool

    colimpool Active Member

    thanks so much for your kind words of support, they mean as much as ever.

    here i am sat on a step on our decking, it cold but i like the outdoors.

    the last few days have been strange, such a gamut of emotions. i have on a couple of occasions edged and a momentary "fuck it lets have a look" flashed across my mind, but fortunately the pull wasn't enough, it was close. 24 days in, just goes to show.

    i'll be away for a while, my wife is around for a week and i'll have my hands full doing good things.
    many memories of this old house, we have been here 10 years, good and bad. we were married whilst living here, which was wonderful, a year later my father had been diagnosed with cancer and had died. it hit me hard, I'm not ashamed to say it still does. although i had a history of porn its use really ramped up after losing my father. my wife miscarried 3 times, the middle one i thought she was going to die. we have loved living in our house and i will take away the good memories as we move on. we have many fond memories of times with friends and party's here.

    the new house is exciting. i will feel i am contributing to our income by working on most jobs myself, i have confidence in my abilities and will work hard making a beautiful home. the coupe we are buying off have lived there 44 years, buying it from new, we are proud to take it over from them. the place has got stuff like solar panels, and it seems 2 other heating systems, it will be a steep learning curve but thats what life is there for. to learn.

    i learn every time i log on here. thanks for all your support. it is important and in many ways vital to aid our many recoveries. it is a road for the rest of our days. keep on. beautiful day after beautiful day.

    be back next week. i look forward to it. all the best
     
  18. colimpool

    colimpool Active Member

    we have internet.


    all moved. stressful. much done and lots more to do. think we lucked out on this home. its got such a nice feel to it. there will be struggles of course but many rewards. really excited.

    hope all is well. will be short of time for a while. much immediate shoring up to do. nice roof leak onto main consumer unit is a sight worry. no time to think of wasting it. keep marching, i know there is no choice.
     
  19. nofapado

    nofapado Guest

    Congratulations CP. And best of luck to you and Mrs. CP in the new home.
     
  20. Guy_Stewart

    Guy_Stewart Well-Known Member

    You are in my thoughts, friend!
     
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