A new beginning

thanks chicken

mc great to hear from you old pal. i watched a video done by allen carr on monday which helped. i'll get there thanks for taking the time to post, i never get tired of hearing advice and certainly there is no ire felt at anyone who offers me advice just a sadness in my continued dependancy.

have just sen this video made by the thai health promotion foundation, very moving. especially remembering how i told my nieces and nephew never to start smoking, it was the worst thing i ever started etc etc. 3 of them now smoke.

its worth a watch.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aHrdy6qcumg

 

15 days is really good, I think the first two weeks are the hardest when you are trying to break the habit.
Speaking of habits, I can't relate to the smoking, but as you know I like a drink. I am now thinking in terms of dual addictions, and it all stems from the same place, a need to 'act out', we have to get to a place where we just feel more comfortable in our own skin - and when life is tough become more resilient.
Really pleased to read you are back on track!

 

thanks Beo

you are right, that first week was tricky BUT what i realised was there would be no 2 weeks, no 1 month, no 100 days etc etc without getting over that first day, first week. the temptation to go back is higher then because our loss would only be a few days. we have to start somewhere, the faster we can to that point the better.

at the beginning of year i had slipped back. today i feel stronger, more optimistic than ever. 16 days, whatever, it doesn't matter to me. i have finally beaten the porn, it just doesn't have any appeal to me. it is fraught with negativity and i have decided to live my life in a positive manner. no weed this week which is great too. the cigarettes are declining in numbers, the strength i have garnered over these last 10 months will help me deal with this last hurdle, i know it. be assured wherever you are (even if you are in the depths of despair) living without porn is infinitely better.

much legal bumf to cope with today, documents and more documents. chaps, do yourself a favour and turn your backs on negativity and see the brilliant positivity you can live your life in. it really is that simple.

i wish you all another wonderful day free of negativity. onwards, my pace is picking up. my eyes are burning a hole in the future.

 

That Thai anti-smoking ad is great! Keep the focus there CP, you're on the right track. Are you reading Allen Carr as you smoke? I know that's his method. If you're simply cutting down watch out, it's just the same as cutting down to 20 mins of porn a day, it'll only take something to swing you back into full-on smoking again, or you'll find yourself bargaining up, especially as you find yourself feeling better for it. I know for my part it's all or nothing with the smokes, and I think it's the same for most people.

Good luck mate, sending you positive vibes to keep on the path.

 

yes i understand that z, i have been on the cutting down path before and of course pretty soon it is back up to the usual amount.
this time is different. really. feeling your vibes buddy. thanks for sending them, sending you back mine, catch them if you can!
have a wonderful day

 

Yes mate - take no prisoners!

 

time to throw myself into much legal mumbo jumbo. just a little more stress then our move to a new home will be done. a new cave. with much work to do. feeling positive about a change of scenery. it'll be strange waking up in someone else's cave and leaving this cave behind, much has happened in my life since we moved here 10 years ago, good things, bad things, things i never thought would happen to me.

i laid on the decking last saturday, bruised, battered and full of negativity. how quickly life can turn around. walking up that hill, but finding each step easier.

 

I'm thinking it will be nice to live in a new "clean" home, like getting a new clean computer. Would be good to clear the new place, with whatever works for you, prayer, intention, smudging, a new broom (and burn the old one), …..

 

had some good news today.
after much running around and gluing the telephone to the side of my head today it seems, fingers crossed, that we will be exchanging and completing on our new home within a couple of weeks.

wish you all a happy and productive weekend.

 

Wishing you the best of luck with the new home.

 

Good news, cp. I'm sure you'll adapt and love it. I'd welcome a move.

 

Don't know why, but that Thai anti-smoking clip sent a chill down my spine. That was one hell of a concept to come up with.

 

good to see that you are back in positivity. You are dead right, with positivity everything becomes more worthwhile. I have a lot of negativity. I struggle with it.

I have quit smoking - sort of. I have one every week. Its stupid, because it keeps the addiction pilot-flame burning. A bad night is all it takes to fire it up again. But at this stage Im fairly abstinent (LOL).

I have lived in the same house for 16 years and have moved out into a much worse situation (someones sleep-out) as a temporary measure . I needed to get away from the environment in which all this misery had happened ( apart from escalating PMO I had a 18 month depression in there and it was the setting for a lot of procrastination). The house is great , very light and open. everyone likes it. But never mind that , it was the scene of too much misery. A new house is a new setting, a new start.

Wishing you all the best for it

 

CP, I am a little bit worried about all this positive stuff in your life and your attitude. Aren't all artists supposed to be troubled? Keep going this way and you will need a new career!

 

thanks as ever for your good words and thoughts.

20 days today. that feels good. this particular path has seemed a lot easier to my mind. i have very little thoughts of porn and no need what-so-ever to return. the first week had its difficult times but i knew i just had to get through it.

i am a little sick of my low libido. it is something in the past that i overcame with weed. it gave me a boost of confidence sexually but having given that up last week i am back to my old self. i guess many years of under-confidence with women and not feeling at all desirable doesn't help, quite how one makes oneself desirable i really don't know. sitting in front of a computer "directing" sex scenes by choice gave me that fulfilment. i really don't know how to dig myself out of these feelings. when my wife and i do have sex (very rare) we enjoy it very much but i just seem unable to start things. i am letting her down big time. sex embarrasses me. and my performance embarrasses me too.

its something i have to explore in my development.

 

It seems to me CP that this comes back with some time and some other type of bonding experiences such as hugging, hand holding, kissing and even just spending some quiet time together. Just some thoughts, I think that you will get there. You are on the right road.

 

Maybe with the reboot it's a good time to build things up again from new, Col. Without the influence of porn, maybe you can both find a new way of exploring sex together. Talk to her about it. I think Chicken is right on the money there - get into the quiet gentle stuff and take it easy with her. Take your time pal and don't be too hard on yourself.

 

thanks chicken and z

talking.. i have always found this difficult i know my lack of chat gets my wife down, i just find it difficult. you are right it is early times, i do feel differently this time, not like i am denying myself something, more i am just not interested in porn anymore.

just wanted to register my feelings at the moment, any help would be gratefully received but its more about beginning to understand more issues, not just porn. i just wish sometimes i could be more of a MAN, whatever that means.

 

The last of initiative is the reason for the lack of sex in many long term marriages. Somebody has to take the initiative.

 

My wife and I go for a while due to both our lack of initiative. But when we have sex we love it. Perhaps making a scheduled date. I've done that before and it's helped. Even if we didn't have sex it was still a nice date. Time for me to take that initiative myself.