A New Beginning

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by -Luke-, Jan 17, 2019.

  1. -Luke-

    -Luke- Well-Known Member

    Things haven't improved since my last journal entry. I don't watch porn (thanks to pluckeye) but I fantasize a lot and had two or three more FMOs. Almost every morning while still lying in bed I go to fantasy world and have a hard time even become aware of what I'm doing. I also have a hard time keeping my hands from my dick. Additionally, since it's spring and women have less clothes on, I ogle women on the street pretty compulsively. So my problem isn't pixels on the screen but pixels in my mind. I thought if I blocked porn successfully, things would get easier. But it's no guarantee. I still have to put some work in.

    On a more positive note, I made good progress on two programming projects in the last week or two.

    The road goes ever on...
    Thelongwayhome27 likes this.
  2. tig

    tig Member

    Hi Luke,

    Do you have a girlfriend?

    The solution to ogling women on the street is not to ignore them but to go and approach them. This is healthy and normal. There are plenty of resources on picking up girls and just having normal interactions with women. "Pick-up" and "pick-up artists" has been heavily demonised lately due to the #metoo stuff. But I think a lot of it has lots of value. Trying to control your urge to ogle, objectify, or even simply look at women sounds like it would lead to repression of healthy urges.

    -Luke- likes this.
  3. 1MoreLookAway

    1MoreLookAway Member

    Hey Luke,

    Don't be so hard on yourself. I think spring is always a challenge, I'm new so I can't claim to know a lot about your trajectory. All I can say is at my most successful point I stopped indulging thoughts of looking at women. I "rationalised", as you know how we addicts rationalise fantasy, but this is rational in the good sense. Men mess up in love because porn made us desire pornstars, to ogle them, it's the pornographic gaze, that's to say even the ladies weaponise this. If we just think about social media and how women can become famous for commodifying their bodies. Idc if you're a bodybuilder, a man with less clothes, will never get the traction a woman does.

    There is a link between uniform and uniformity, hence why shorter wear provokes arousal in you as it would for me or any other addict. Like they say brother, all goods on display but also, let the buyer beware. Keep asking yourself probingly, how does that lady with the short skirt appear to me without the sex factor? Would she be a great mother? Would she be easy to get along with? Would she be intent on always dressing this way whilst she's in a relationship to continue getting men's attention, just like she got mine?

    For me, these sort of 'real facts' made me return to Earth, to reality. My journey is not just the pmo, but the rapid distortion of desire and desiring. If we scan a lot of men in our gen, I feel (and maybe it's just the ones I know) that they settle a loooooot. I might be really old school but I am not interested in a woman who has a man, but insists for purposes of her own self-esteem to seek the adoration of other men through dress, or uploads on Instagram. I see that girl and I'm like 'I'm alright love', go and be someone else's problem'.

    For me, that's 'toxic femininity'. I might have gone off on a tangent, but I really feel focusing the gaze, on the face of it seems insignificant but it helps so much. It's no accident the term POV shots, because that is the essence of porn, to 'direct our gaze', it's the essence of film too, although unlike in film, porn uses it to make us returning customers instead of as a means to further a story/character development.

    Good going on the projects, wishing you continued strength and peace ️️️
    -Luke- likes this.
  4. -Luke-

    -Luke- Well-Known Member

    Thanks for replying, gentlemen! Much appreciated.

    No, I don't have a girlfriend. I agree that looking at women is normal and nothing to worry about. The thing is it turns into compulsive fantasy for me all the time and increases the urge to PMO. Plus I make a fool of myself if I keep turning around to look at asses.

    I like your username. And welcome to the forum, or welcome back (I read in another thread that you have been here before). You're right and I like this quote: "I'm alright love', go and be someone else's problem". Will keep that in mind next time.
    Thelongwayhome27 likes this.
  5. 1MoreLookAway

    1MoreLookAway Member

    @-Luke- thanks for the warm reception G, weather's getting beautiful again, ladies are getting daring, but man I tell you one thing like the saying goes offence wins games, defence wins championships, the gaze beckons us to attack, to ogle but, I think it's like drinking pepsi in the Sahara to stave off thirst. Maybe I'm alone in this, but I notice when I control my gaze, my stare is more intense and you can really charm women with focus. The centre of the room feeling is something that endears women to men, staring can be a great thing when used at the right moments
    Last edited: May 13, 2023
    -Luke- likes this.
  6. -Luke-

    -Luke- Well-Known Member

    A week with some ups and downs since my last post. I worked a lot and made some good progress, but also had two fantasy MOs and peeked for a while on reddit and instagram when I was in the library and had unfiltered internet. The last two days I was able to go through the day without messing things up, but the "cue reactivity" is pretty insane right now. I get triggered pretty easily.

    The last few days I tried some old strategies like urge surfing and reminding myself that I always have a choice and urges are always temporary. It's important to remind myself to keep practicing that instead of - like most of the time - doing it for a while and then pouring it down the drain after the first setbacks. Patience is a virtue.
    Thelongwayhome27 likes this.
  7. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    As they say progress, not perfection. Sounds like you're doing some good work Luke !

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