Thanks a lot, Pete. At the end of last year, I was at a point where I had basically given up. Not completely, but temporarily. I felt like I had no self-control anymore and that it was pointless to even try. I had been in home office since the beginning of April, using a laptop from work. While my personal devices (laptop and smartphone) are relatively safe, I couldn‘t install any filters on the work laptop. Now, of course, I know that I shouldn't rely 100% on filters, but I was in the middle of a month-long relapse cycle and didn't seem to be able to get out of it on my own. So at some point I got to the point where I had sort of temporarily given up. I figured if I couldn't control it for the rest of the year, at least I'd try to limit the time I spent with PMO. That worked out pretty well,… for about two weeks. But for me it's mostly the novelty part that drives my addiction, and then that part just isn't satisfied when I spend 10 minutes looking for some image on the internet and then masturbate. This lasted for a while, but eventually the urges were too strong again. I just cannot PMO occasionally. If I’m in it, I’m in it. If I’m out, I’m out. There is nothing in between. Life usually is not black or white, but in this case it really is. But as I wrote last year, I quit my job at the end of the year. I now have only my own devices. I still have a way to look for porn, but it takes a lot more effort. In fact, I just PMOd yesterday, after I had a good week before. But it’s a different mindset than last yearand I feel more confident. I realize that I have a choice. Even if I feel like I’m completely out of control, that’s not true. There’s always more than one option. A few weeks ago I read the book "Sex, Drugs, Gambling, & Chocolate" by a psychologist named Thomas Horvath. He made me realize that the idea of „no control“ is bullshit. He explained this with two examples, one real example that you experience all the time, and one extreme example that is nonetheless eye-opening. We all have situations every day (or every week) where we would love to watch porn, but still don’t do it. We don’t PMO when we are at the office. We don’t PMO when we are in the car/bus/train. We don’t PMO when we are having dinner with our families. Even if we PMO three times a day there are situations where we have enough control not to do it a fourth time. The other example is a thought experiment: Imagine if someone put a gun to your head and said "If you watch porn, I'll pull the trigger". Would you PMO? No, unless you are suicidal and want to die. If someone held a gun to our head for the rest of our lives, we would never watch porn again. Never. So how can we think we are „out of control“? And now I’m back here. Yes, it was out of shame that I stopped coming here. Not necessarily because of PMO, since this forum is about exactly that. But because I had no hope anymore for the rest of the year and I couldn’t pretend anymore that I had. I can’t do anything about that anymore. All I can do is focus on what I want and keep going forward. Currently I'm a bit limited physically and can't exercise as much as I'd like (Ulnar Nerve Entrapment for the nerds among you). It probably comes from sitting in the home office a lot and in the wrong way. I hope I can avoid surgery. Overall though, this was a warning signal at the right time. Better to cut back a few weeks now, work on my posture and flexibility, than suffer a herniated disc in two or three years. I am also thinking about moving back to the village where I grew up. Due to my work I am no longer tied to one place. And if I'm honest: My biggest problem in the last 6-7 years has been isolation. And it's much easier to isolate yourself when you live semi-anonymously in a city where almost nobody knows you. Where I come from I have a social circle and still know a lot of people. Two of my best friends still live there or are living there again, and my family also lives there. The more I think about it, the more I believe that it would be a step in the right direction. Away from anonymity and back to where I know people and where people know me. It's hard to isolate yourself there.