A New Beginning

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by -Luke-, Jan 17, 2019.

  1. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    I thought Thomas switched teams. Then I just realized it's team Sky that is now called Ineos lol :rolleyes:

    I'm not super "connoisseur" about the riders (although I know a few by name) but I enjoy watching the stages. Love the french country side, the summer feel of it all. I've followed the Tour pretty well the past 2 years :)
  2. -Luke-

    -Luke- Well-Known Member

    Yesterday I woke up with headaches and a pressure behind the eyes that lasted almost the whole day. I was also quite lethargic. Wasn’t very active then. Most of the day I lay on the couch reading and listening to podcasts. Today wasn’t much better so far. The headaches are gone but I’m lethargic and have low energy. Feel really tired even though I didn’t sleep bad the last two nights. Thought about cancelling the last day of the rowing course tonight but decided against it. I have to stop isolating myself when I don’t feel good. Other people don’t care, but even if they were, why should I?

    At work I had a good day despite not having much energy. Worked for a few hours on a problem and made some progress. Didn’t use the internet until right now. Time seems to go by faster when you’re really focused on something instead of just hanging around and browsing the web.

    Yesterday evening I was reading and stumbled upon a story I thought I read before a few years ago.

    That’s a beautiful metaphor and something to think about. I tend to forget what’s really important in my life while I’m fighting the small stuff or paying too much attention to it.
  3. -Luke-

    -Luke- Well-Known Member

    Yesterday I didn't feel good again. After work I played pool with a colleague for 3 hours and that made me feel better. I don't know why but I always feel better while playing pool. Maybe it's because I'm away from any screen and phone for several hours and I can focus on something "analog". It's definitely fun. The positive thing is I didn't isolate myself the last few days while I felt bad but I went on with my life and had contact to other people (work, rowing, billiard). Today I feel better and exercised before work. But tonight I need some alone time for reading and relaxing.

    Internet use is minimal recently since my laptop is broken and I'm quite busy in real life. I think I'm on a good way right now even though I don't feel like it.
    Last edited: Jul 10, 2019
  4. -Luke-

    -Luke- Well-Known Member

    Puh, today was tough. I woke up and felt like I was hit by a train. Strong headaches and completely drained of energy. It was so bad that after an hour I called in ill at work. Don't know if that's withdrawal or an illness coming. Either way I hope it gets better soon. I'm glad the weekend is coming.

    The good news is that I didn't spend the day mindlessly browsing the internet. Instead I read a lot and listened to some podcasts. Also meditated for a while.

    In the end I think that days like today should be regarded as an opportunity to grow as a person. It builds character in a way. But it's hard anyway.
  5. -Luke-

    -Luke- Well-Known Member

    Since the week was hard (headaches, low energy, exhaustion) I spent the weekend relaxing and stayed away from any artificial stimulation. Read more than 200 sites of a book and started a new one. Even though I didn't sleep good last night I feel better today. Not good, but better, less stressed. I hope I'll have the energy to exercise before work tomorrow. Aside from rowing on monday and a small strength training on wednesday I didn't do anything in that regard this week.

    I'm now officially a member of the rowing club which makes me kind of proud. I played soccer while I was a kid and played table tennis in a club until I was 26. But ever since I wasn't a member in any sports club. A new chapter in my life.
    Gil79 and NewHorizon like this.
  6. -Luke-

    -Luke- Well-Known Member

    Last night I was only able to sleep with the help of an antihistamine drug. Slept for 7 hours but it made me feel lethargic, dull and hangover-like most of the day. Didn't get much done. Had two meeting at work where I struggled to focus on the subject the whole time.

    Again no exercise. No energy left for this right now. Maybe I'll do some yoga later. That could help.
  7. Quanta

    Quanta Member

    Exercise makes you feel real good once you've done it consistently for 2-3 weeks, at least 3 times an hour and after that, it will get much easier to "get yourself to do it". If done in the morning, you'll get a nice energy boost for the rest of the day. If done 1-2 hours before bedtime, you'll sleep much deeper. Just in case you did not tried regular workouts yet. I know momentum is hard to get going, but it's worth it ;)
    Phoenix121 likes this.
  8. -Luke-

    -Luke- Well-Known Member

    Unfortunately not the case for me. If I exercise while I'm stressed or had a really bad night and just feel bad (as in the last days), exercise makes me feel even worse. And if I exercise late in the evening, I get no sleep at all (there has to be at least 3-4 hours between training and sleep for me). I workout regularly since my early twenties. That's why I missed it the last week.

    Today I'm feeling a bit better and had a light training before work. Hope it gets better the next few days.
  9. -Luke-

    -Luke- Well-Known Member

    I'm away for the weekend and won't really have access to the internet. So I won't be able to check in again before sunday evening or monday.

    Wish you all a good weekend.
  10. Pete McVries

    Pete McVries Well-Known Member

    Have a nice weekend!
    -Luke- likes this.
  11. -Luke-

    -Luke- Well-Known Member

    Weekend was good. Wasn't very active (still not much energy, but it gets better) but I read a lot (started reading "For Whom the Bell Tolls" by Ernest Hemingway and "The Power of Habit" by Charles Duhigg) and watched Tour de France on both days. The last week should be really exciting and my fellow countryman Emanuel Buchmann is in great form.
    Thelongwayhome27 likes this.
  12. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    Those 2 mountain days were interesting to watch. Let's see what the alps have in store for this final week !
  13. -Luke-

    -Luke- Well-Known Member

    This week I felt definitely better than in the previous two weeks. Sleep isn't easy the last few days because it's really hot even at nights. It will cool down from tomorrow on though, so I look forward to that. I exercised on Monday, Wednesday and today, twice at the rowing club in my lunch break.

    MOd (without any artificial stimulation) monday night because I couldn't sleep and felt better since then instead of worse. I'm able to get a 90-100% erection through pure touch within a minute or so now. Unthinkable a few years ago.
  14. -Luke-

    -Luke- Well-Known Member

    Today I had a really good day and did all the things that are positive for me. Got up at 6 AM, meditated, did some mobility/flexibility work, went to work early, had a good day at work (almost no internet) and exercised immediately after coming home. My boss told me today that starting the week after next I'll get a new assignment in addition to the stuff i work on right now. That's great because it shows that my boss trusts me, I'll have the opportunity to learn something new (a new programming language) and - not irrelevant - less time to browse the internet mindlessly at work.

    Yesterday I started a new book in the evening. "Atomic Habits" by James Clear. I read only 30 pages so far but it has to potential to be a little mind changer. I'll write more about some ideas from the book after I finished it.

    Had some trouble with my landlord again. I just hate that guy. I hope I'll find something new soon but it's not easy.
  15. -Luke-

    -Luke- Well-Known Member

    A few weeks months ago I stopped counting the days. After a while to reflect I think it works really good for me. When I looked up my day counter every day and was always aware of the number on a screen I often had a waiting mindset. With waiting mindset I mean thoughts like "I'll do x in a few weeks, when I'm on day y" or "I'm on day 40 now. That's good progress but I'm not ready yet for a change". That waiting mindest isn't completely gone but thoughts like this definitely appear less often. I live more in the present moment and less in the future, although I'm far from perfect (whatever perfect means).

    While I'm better at living less in the future I still have trouble with living in the past. Last week I found out that there's a beautiful little lake in the town I studied and lived in for four years. I didn't know about it while I lived there. That day I thought a lot about my past choices and had strong feelings of regret. Why did I waste so much time when I should've had the best time of my life? Moments and realizations like this tend to send me back in a depressed and lonely state. It's only for a day or so but it still happens.
    TrueSelf likes this.
  16. -Luke-

    -Luke- Well-Known Member

    I didn't check in the last few days. Had a lot to do at work and still have no internet access at home.

    Life is ok at the moment. I get up early, I meditate every morning, I do some mobilty/flexibilty work in the morning. I exercise 4-5 times per week. Energy levels are fluctuating. Sleep is sometimes good, sometimes bad. Sometimes I have cravings to watch some pornographic material but they vanish after 5-10 minutes.

    Since I am looking for a new flat I thought about buying one instead of renting again. Interest rates are at a historic low point, rents are rising and after the experience with my current landlord I'm not overly motivated to rent again. But I have a lot of doubt, too. What if I want to live in another city in a few years? What if I have a family in five years and I have to look for something new again? Am I too much in my own head and should just act? I'm really bad at making life changing decisions like that. I'll talk to my parents about it on saturday.
  17. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    I'm also very anxious with such matters. But I'll tell you this, if you are capable of going through the process of buying a place, you'll be capable of going through the selling process (in case you want to relocate in the future). It's true, though, that buying comes with responsibilities and problems that renting does not. As they say .... choose your problems. But problems shall be :D
  18. nuclpow

    nuclpow Well-Known Member

    If it's really that bad with your current landlord it sounds like you would be better off moving to a different landlord. I wouldn't worry about other long term plans like you wanting to move to another city or start a family some day. If your current landlord or place to live is interfering with your life, I'm thinking it would help to fix that if you want to help set the foundation for a good life. Then with this foundation it will be easier to move to where you want and to have a family. Edit: There are good landlords, although I wonder if a lot are jerks because they own the property and you don't and they think that they're better than you. I don't know if you should buy a house or not.
  19. -Luke-

    -Luke- Well-Known Member

    Yesterday and today I felt a little overwhelmed because of my living situation. I'm bad at change and I have a tendency to delay important decisions. The current situation escalated to some extend and even though I have the law on my side and should be relaxed I feel worried. I hate conflict and I avoid it whenever possible. It helped a little bit that I wrote my thoughts in my private journal yesterday. I like the YBR journal but I can express my thoughts better in my native language. I should pick that habit up again. Writing down my thoughts as they come can only help.

    I started listening to porn free radio lately as it was mentioned by some of you guys here. I tried one episode some time ago but I didn't continue because I thought the podcast was too religious and from a moral standpoint. I gave it a try again, listened to some episodes and realized that I was wrong with my first assessment. Yes, the guy (Matt) is religious (and I am not) and talks about his church group sometimes, but the podcasts isn't about that. It's quite helpful so far. Yesterday I was listening to an episode about boredom and recognized myself in it. I have a strong tendency to distract myself. If I have to wait for something I pull my phone out and check the news app or play sudoku. I also use it as procrastination if I don't want to do something necessary. At work I sometimes have to wait for 5 minutes or so if a program is working some test cases in the background. My first instinct is always to open the browser and use the internet. It sounds strange but it's like we forgot how to be bored in our modern society, where the latest news and status updates are just one click away all the time.

    By the way: Even though I stopped using a counter I realized (because I am aware of the date I last relpased) that it's 50 days today. Ok. Now forget about it and go on with life.
  20. JD1981

    JD1981 Active Member

    I just started listening to porn free radio as well. Yes your right the host is definitely religious but in the episode I listened he didn’t overwhelm me with it. I found a lot of helpful tips and was able to insert myself in a lot of his examples. I will for sure check back in with pfr. Thumbs up on fifty days dude.
    Kichijiro likes this.

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