Every day I wake up and work on acceptance. I have depression. There's no magic cure. It's not an enemy to fight, but part of who I am. As you said earlier in your journal, "I have felt the sense of freedom by given up those faulty dreams, which have never served me well." I'm trying to give up this idea that I'm going to wake up tomorrow and be free of depression forever. Like you, I find some freedom when I'm able to truly let go of the fantasy that I'll be a Happy-Go-Lucky version of @MissingSelfCompassion. Please note that I said "every day." I'm still working on this. I'm still trying to get along with myself instead of fighting it. I just think it would be counter productive to tell myself to man up or get angry at the depression and say, "not today." Instead, I'm trying to have compassion for myself. Doing what I just described every day is not easy. "This sucks, it's difficult, and I'm only human. It's okay, we'll get through this." Typing it out feels cheesy, and on many days the act of doing it does too. What you're dealing with @titan_transcendence really blows. I'm truly sorry that you have to deal with it. I'll be thinking of you. You're not alone, there are others like us. Meds can be really helpful. Give them time. I recently met someone who told me that she's on her 5th med. She started trying meds 2-3 years ago. She told herself that it would take time to find something that works for her and thinks that was one of the best things she did. I have to agree. I know family members who quit 2 months in "because it wasn't working." My psychiatrist told me it would take about 6mos before brain chemistry started changing, and if I had bad side-effects, it would take 6mos to ween me off the meds. A year to simply try and see if something works. So I'm envious of that woman I talked to. Telling herself it would take awhile went a long way to helping her cope, I imagine. Take care.