A lost boy's journey through dark woods towards real manhood and integrity

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by titan_transcendence, Jul 22, 2016.

  1. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    You are being heard here, TT. It's great that you are running! :) Keep the faith. Things will look better as we get closer to spring.
     
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  2. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    Hey Titan. I know it's not always a good approach but in this instance could a medical approach with an appropriate anti depressant from a doctor be a possible help?
     
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  3. Bobo

    Bobo Well-Known Member

    My opinion: stay away from. Anti-depressants--- they are addictive. You can do it TT ! If this was 100 years ago they weren't around besides they will just make you feel incapable and weak--- you aren't! Rock on bro!
     
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  4. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    I probably fired off a post from the hip. My heart was breaking reading @titan_transcendence post. I apologize for coming across as a broad brush pill advocate. And, I was not trying to push for using drugs.

    I am not one to look first for a chemical solution to a problem. There are non chemical approaches to depression. Eating right, exercise,supplements,good sleep etc.
    I rarely go to doctors, opting for natural approaches whenever possible. I realize the medical field can cause real problems sometimes; thinking every problem can be solved by a pill.

    I guess I was just suggesting making sure there is not an underlying physical condition. And I think we would all agree there are times when medicine is appropriate.
     
    Last edited: Feb 26, 2019
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  5. Caoimhín

    Caoimhín Winter's coming...

    Anti-depression and anti-anxiety meds do have a place. I've been on them myself. But, let me tell you that sports and exercise were even more potent anti-depressives than the pills. If you have a crippling form of depression or anxiety, go for the medication. But it does not sound like you are that far down. (although I do not know you, so make your own assessment)

    Do you feel a melancholic nostalgia for your former sexual release? If so, be warned, that is the addiction trying to work around your attempt to rewire the brain. If you feel a need for sexual release, try M in moderation.
     
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  6. Bobo

    Bobo Well-Known Member

    They have a place only because the medical profession pushes them. As far as they are concerned you are incompetent--- and need them because you are weak --- at any rate they are available if you feel you need them. M while you are rebooting is very dangerous ! It can lead to "you know what!"
     
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  7. titan_transcendence

    titan_transcendence Well-Known Member

    I have been tried to take antidepressants for a long time now, but I have declined them every time. Sometimes I still wonder if I should try them, feeling that I have nothing to lose anyways.

    Yes, exercise helps - for a little while. But even at the same evening the hopelessness is likely to creep back at me. The result is that I can not do anything else but exercise all the time just to survive somehow. That will surely leads to exhaustion and the deepening of my depression.

    It should seem that I would have raging erections or heightened libido because of lot of healthy exercise and food. But my sexual desire is close to zero all the time. I have begin to think that for me it is kind of "use it or lose it" thing happening in my libido. It has been over 7 years since last intimacy with any woman. Even then, it had not been fulfilling at all for long time. I think that desire can die away, if there is none in life at all. That includes flirting, thinking that I could be of interest to someone, all those things. The whole system is closing down. Or then it is just my depression.
    To think about it, at least P gave me some sexual thrills along the years. Now its gone too. Without it, would there have been anything at all?
    Some kind of celibacy would have worked way better as a way of my life for me since start of adolescence, its sad that I had not enough willpower for it.
     
  8. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Yes, but it can be resurrected. :) I hated my wife, she hated me. I had destroyed our marriage and all the trust in it by cheating. But, here we are, friends again and doing alright. If we believe, and then we act, we can do anything.
     
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  9. Caoimhín

    Caoimhín Winter's coming...

    I hear your pain. It has been several years since my last "roll in the hay" as well. I have basically given up even trying. Part of it was the performance issue but the other part, the one that I am actively working on now was my depression. Counselling has really helped, especially the ones that have used Mindfulness Based Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. I did the meds and the one thing that I can say is that they turn off your emotions. They helped me through the worst of it but I did not want to live life "turned off". The only way to deal with issues then is to get stronger and stronger and turn and face them. You may not be ready but when you are stronger you will be. Your journey with abstaining from PMO is actually one of the things that you can do to make yourself ready for more deep and challenging issues... because there is something at the foundation of your depression. And it is not necessarily the fact that you are not having sex or married or watch porn.
     
  10. titan_transcendence

    titan_transcendence Well-Known Member

    Depression is still there, eating me away. But there's a slight change for better. For the first time in my life I voluntarily feel like I have at least particularly given up my dream for a woman, for a happy relationship, for a wonderful sex-life, those dreams which never came to reality. Instead, I have felt the sense of freedom by given up those faulty dreams, which have never served me well. Part of me have never even wanted those dreams. There has been always a yearning inside of me to be just free of society's expectations, free to not to think of my life at all as a way to achieve something, be part of something, like some social game which I have never mastered at all to play. Just being. Even if I would spend my days loitering in my bed, what it mattered? I can choose to do so, if I like. Or if I want to exercise or do something creative, I can do that too, if I like. There is kind of exhilarating feeling just thinking about it. Im already there. I do not need anything besides myself.

    I have been worshiping pussy all my life, rising woman to pedestals. Thinking that I should need woman's love and acceptance to be something. Now I realize, I have been bereft of my mothers love and acceptance all my life. She has been a good mother, but never really shown that she would appreciate me, his son. I have projected that to other women, always feeling belittled by them, rejected by them. Using P has been one way to be submissive to their viles as well, as a helpless victim of lust that they can rise in man and then throw the man mercilessly away, with weakened life-energy after empty lusting.
    I have stopped worshiping and coveting women. I think modern women, many of them, are full of bullshit, self-righteousness and vain. I believe, there are some good women too, but my life quest is no more bind to find one of those rare things. I do not know yet what I will do, but at least now there's some kind of peace inside of me and ultimate relief.
     
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  11. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    I think it's great you are feeling a bit of freedom. :) Also, it's a positive step that you are not deciding on how your future should pan out. We all have fantasies of this and that and they only serve to make us miserable. For instance, when I cheated on my wife it was because I had a fantasy that life would be better with another woman. I was hoping that somewhere out there was someone that would magically make me feel amazing. The truth is, as you yourself have written about, we make ourselves into content persons.

    However, I disagree that we don't have to push ourselves a little. There is no two ways about it: addicts and socially isolated people are stuck in a rut. We must extend ourselves in an outward direction if we wish to feel our true selves. We don't have to become the life of the party, but we must at least make little steps into the wider world.

    Going to bars, drinking, using dating apps, is not the way to go. These types of activities are doomed to failure, because that isn't who you are. You took the path of least resistance, but there is more to you than that. The low hanging fruit will always disappoint us.
     
  12. Caoimhín

    Caoimhín Winter's coming...

    @titan_transcendence and @Saville

    Isn't it a conundrum of life: we need to be content with where we are in life yet we need to push ourselves. We never arrive... before we have already put our sights on the next destination. There is no "plateau" or equilibrium. In fact, if we plateau, after a while, we typically become unhappy about this. It is almost cruel!

    BUT, leaving a plateau is not limited to finding a woman. You can make changes, evolve, explore, discover, etc. new things in all aspects of your life. Work, skills, hobbies, exercise, sport, learning.
     
  13. Lowdo

    Lowdo Well-Known Member

    Saville makes a really good point here - there is so much more to life than the stereotypical image of success. I obviously don't know your environment or where you live but there must be other activities, groups or clubs you could connect with. Whether other people think it's cool or not doesn't matter - if you find something that you enjoy, or just always wanted to try, go for it.
     
  14. titan_transcendence

    titan_transcendence Well-Known Member

    Thanks for your words of wisdom, you good men. It really matters much to me to have such awesome backup from you guys. :)

    I have mostly moaned here in my depression during this year. So, something positive for a change.
    I have had some good phase during the last few days. I had good time at weekend with my drinking buddies. That one gothic chic is still some kind of friend to me, even that she has now a new boyfriend. She is very extroverted woman, and I think that her positive mood does good to me too.
    Then I had one date with other woman. She invited me to visit her home and we watched a movie together. I have had online contact with this woman for a many months now, but this was only second date with her. She is quite introverted and have some issues, so I think she is not so good quality gf material. But still, it was nice experience to share, even that there were no sex or intimacy. We discussed quite a bit of different things.

    Today I went to one Indian place to have a dinner with a (male) friend. It was a nice happening too.
    After that my other friend coached me to go to my local bar and sing a karaoke song with him in there. First time with public audience! :cool: So, I broke some limits inside of me by doing this, and feel quite proud of myself at the moment. I am very grateful that my friend dared to me to that singing. :)
     
  15. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    Sounds great. Sometimes breaking out of our regular confines is a good thing
     
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  16. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Ha ha, this is freaking awesome! :) I'm sure if I raised my voice I'd clear the place out as they'd think someone was getting murdered. lol
     
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  17. titan_transcendence

    titan_transcendence Well-Known Member

    Sad to tell that after that little better day it has been much all the same again. The depression and dead tiredness. Day after day. Im seeing an psychiatrist tomorrow and try to have some sick leave for some time. The burden of just going out feels too much for me. I have managed to exercise some in spite of that. The exercise feels good for a little while, but I think it still makes me feel more tiredness in the long run. Should I just lie in the bed then? In this condition I can barely manage my daily care of myself. There is none left to relationships. I have lost all sexual desire as well, which makes managing this addiction easy, but makes me still more depressed. It at least gave me a moment of relief before, to indulge in my fantasies. Im not sure how this will end up. Will I ever feel the energy to live and enjoy my life again?
     
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  18. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Yes you will!

    I believe in self-knowledge. Everyone of us already knows what would make our life better. We call it inner-voice. Even in the depths of my despair, when I had been caught cheating, and nothing seemed like it would ever be good again, I still knew that somehow I would get through it. The biggest thing wasn't how bleak I felt, it was fear. I had been exposed and now my wife, my children, and the community could see me for the wicked person I really was. However bleak this time was for me, it made me a stronger person and an honest man. Since that time I have not told any falsehoods, other than to tell my wife that her ass is still lovely. :p:cool:

    I offer you my support, but it is you who will figure this out. I have no doubt, none whatsoever, that an insightful man such as yourself will get through this. I believe that you will be able to carry yourself on your two capable legs and walk out of the darkness you now feel. I look forward to your sharing of this journey and the insights that I know will resonate with the entire community.
     
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  19. Libertad

    Libertad Well-Known Member

    Hi Titan_transcendence, did you go on a ketogenic diet ones? There is a page, meatheals.com were a lot of People tell their stories About getting better from Depression with this Kind of diet. Even if it doesnt help in your case, trying something new can give us a boost of Motivation because we step out of our passitivity. All the best.
     
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  20. titan_transcendence

    titan_transcendence Well-Known Member

    Still lost most motivation to anything in my life. I have been in sick-leave for a few weeks now. I do not know if I will go back to rehab work soon. Trying some meds for the first time in my life. They have not helped any so far..

    Libertad: Thanks for the advice, but I have followed vegan diet for a year now. For ethical reasons, meat is not opportunity to me. Thanks for your concern anyways, I appreciate that!
     
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