Yes, you do have fight in you still. None of us knows where to start, so we just pick a place and begin. Writing in your journal is already a great start. Also, I wouldn't look to google or Wikipedia for self-diagnosis. Labels never do us any favors. A few years ago I did a workbook written by psychologist David Burns called The Feeling Good Handbook. I picked it up on impulse. It is about using cognitive behavioral therapy and to retrain our thinking. I found it helpful myself and I use the principles to this day when I find my thinking getting circular. Your voice is a welcome here. Your journeys been bumpy, but you have much to offer the community.