You nailed it. I feel shamed of myself. I like your posts. All support, even if it sometimes do not seem like it, is really helpful and makes a difference. What worries me though, is that I have not M'd at all anymore and my P relapses have been pretty few during this spring and summer time. Still, I have had constant brainfog, lack of energy, stiffness in my joints, swollen stomach and felt miserable for most time. Even my therapist said that I seem worse than when we started 3 years ago. I have only 6 months of my therapy left and am fearful of being left stranded after that. I understand that my difficulty of getting women is tied with my purposeless life. First, I should be something, then the women would appear in my life. But I have been drifter all my life and am very easily discouraged. I should not wait the Purpose to be handed to me, but make it on my own. Every man is fighter or a loser. I have been loser most of my life, just drifting and taking things as they come. I have not learned to be a little more adventurous, even noticing that there is a big and wide world out there, but that has only made me feel scared and retreat to my own little inner world with shameful fantasies..