A Long Way to Go

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by JohnQ, Oct 28, 2017.

  1. JohnQ

    JohnQ Active Member

    I continue to make progress on my home project. Drywall work requires a certain zen like approach. If you are not a professional you have to get your head in the right place. Start by watching a million YouTube videos on the subject. Rehearse the work in your mind countless times before you even open the tub of joint compound or touch the spackle knife. Then there is the moment of truth, you stand there in front of the drywall with the joint compound on the hawk and pray you don’t screw up.

    My libido has been up and down, mostly down. Over the past week there were only a couple times where I felt anything that resembled a libido and it only lasts for a very short period of time. It’s funny but when it happens I find myself getting all psyched up. I think to myself “this is great, I’m cured”. Of course the reality is it’s gone in less than an hour. The other night I did have a dream about a girl I saw at the gym. She was not the typical gym hottie, she was more of the girl next door type, a little plain but in her own way pretty. There was no sex in the dream just some casual interaction but it was kind of nice and in my mind it was a positive indication.

    It would be great if the frequency and druration of these kind of things increased.
     
  2. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    I do ok until I have to measure and cut outlet and light switch holes:eek::D
     
  3. Bobo

    Bobo Well-Known Member

    Drywall work is like "Wax on wax off " from the karate kid. The more U do it the more acc .plished u become . He'll outlet and light switch boxes become way easy. OF COURSE BEER HELPS ! :D
     
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  4. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    :p:D:rolleyes:
     
  5. JohnQ

    JohnQ Active Member

    That’s why they make those large receptacle and switch plate covers. :D
     
    Boxer17 likes this.
  6. JohnQ

    JohnQ Active Member

    The beer helps you relax and it all goes much smoother.
     
    Boxer17 likes this.
  7. JohnQ

    JohnQ Active Member

    We finally got a good weekend and I was able to ride with some local clubs both yesterday and today. This weekend I have focused my attention on painting the front door. It’s easy to get anxious about trying to finish a job like that but you have to prep everything and you can’t rush the paint drying. It’s an exercise in patience. Now I’m watching the Belgian Grand Prix that I had recorded earlier between coats.

    It is 369 days for me since I started this reboot. Although it read other journals saying this was going to take some time I secretly hoped/believed I would different, that I would be cured in a year. I am far from cured. I seemed to get past the desire to view P and the desire to M fairly quickly. I believe that was aided by the huge lack of libido. It’s like I have become some kind of sexless being. Don’t get me wrong there is still nothing like seeing a beautiful girl but it doesn’t go any deeper then admiring a painting. I wish I could feel more.

    Yesterday I went to the hardware store with my wife to buy paint. There was a pretty cashier and she talked to us as we were checking out. On the walk to the car my wife informed me that the girl was definitely flirting with me. I didn’t notice. This is somewhere between funny and sad. :confused:
     
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  8. Bobo

    Bobo Well-Known Member

    The only reason she mentioned it was that you didn't react. BE CAREFUL JOHN ! Women are very friendly but crafty. You noticed you just ignored. :rolleyes:
     
  9. JohnQ

    JohnQ Active Member

    I haven’t posted in a while. My status is I’m still stalled; no libido. I feel like I’m not making any progress. Sure, there is the occasional glimmer of something but it is very infrequently. I am having sex with my wife when there is any libido but timing is difficult. The window of opportunity is small.


    I still feel physically great and my mood seems really good. Been riding when the weather is good and going to the gym a couple times a week. Work is really busy and because of that projects around the house have slowed to a crawl which is somewhat frustrating. I wonder how much stress has to do with slowing recovery. 40new30 recommended giving up coffee but I’m struggling with that one. What’s left?
     
  10. Bobo

    Bobo Well-Known Member

    Giving up sex ! Just kidding John. I know I am in the same boat wondering when the libido willn return in standard style.
     
    JohnQ likes this.
  11. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    Feeling good will definitely help. And feeling good about yourself is also a plus. I know the libido is low but positivea in one's life helps a lot
     
    JohnQ likes this.
  12. JohnQ

    JohnQ Active Member

    It’s hard to tell if I am making any progress. Since my last post I went through a period of feeling nothing. Recently have a few occasions where I had some libido. A few times I even have had some dreams where I was interacting with a women and felt something. In those dreams there was no no sex but it was nice to know that there is still something alive.

    This is really a stubborn problem and the worst part is if I am on some kind of road to recovery it is not the least bit linear.
     
  13. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    Ya hope the yellow brick road leads to where you want to go:rolleyes:
     
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  14. JohnQ

    JohnQ Active Member

    I’ve been wondering if there is anyway to jump start my libido. I don’t have any real desire at this point but today I actual wondered if watching some porn might be helpful in getting my motor going. I didn’t do it but I did think about it. Another thing that might help is having more sex with my wife but with the lack of libido I just don’t want to go through the effort. Part of that is the fear of failing so I usually wait until I have some decent level of sexual motivation before approaching her. Between trying to judge her mood and my lack of libido there is very little opportunity.
     
    Boxer17 likes this.
  15. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    I know exactly what you are talking about :confused:o_Oo_O
     
  16. Bobo

    Bobo Well-Known Member

    As we get healthier we tend. To think ,as u do. Will probably work but very dangerous. For me it's just not worth the risk but it most definitely has crossed my mind John .
     
  17. NewVerse

    NewVerse Member

    This has happened on every long clean streak for me. I still barely understand flatline, even though it's been explained over and over. I want to see if I'm still alive down there, and it kick starts me, and kills my momentum. It's a trick
     
  18. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    It IS a trick.
    But always so tempting.
    It's a conundrum. One wishes to stay free of Pmo but if your wife doesn't rev you up for whatever reason and you fail in bed she then feels inadequate and you feel yourself a failure.
    Whereas if I engage with my wife and finish, using a fantasy ,she may feel better and I get a sexual release but kick myself for being duplicitous.
     
  19. Bobo

    Bobo Well-Known Member

    What's up in John Q--ville ? You ok ?
     
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