A Long Way to Go

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by JohnQ, Oct 28, 2017.

  1. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    I still feel like that, JohnQ. I see the beauty of a woman, but it doesn't get me jazzed. Again, I think this is normal. As we get older it is more of an emotional bond that we crave and less about the physical; at least I find that to be true. Addicts fight low-level depression and so this also factors in to how we feel. There's no quick fix. Keep taking care of yourself and do those things which give you satisfaction.

    Stop avoiding your wife! ;) We need intimacy and this is crucial to rebooting our sexuality.
     
    Squire likes this.
  2. JohnQ

    JohnQ Active Member


    Ugh, two years???!!! I hope not. We are both closing in on the one year mark and just like you I was hoping somehow I would recover more quickly.
     
  3. JohnQ

    JohnQ Active Member


    Seville,
    Thanks. You could be right about as we get older it is more of an emotional bond and less physical. I guess I would be okay with that depending on how much less physical and as long as less physical doesn’t mean essentially being in a flatline. Regarding low-level depression, I feel like I’m in decent spirits but that doesn’t mean that the effects on the brain from years of porn addiction haven’t taken their toll. I agree with the way forward is to take care of yourself and do things that give you satisfaction. To that end it has been nice to be working outside in the yard again. I was really looking forward to cutting the lawn this weekend. I also did some work prepping a garden for some new plants and today I did some much needed bicycle maintenance.
     
    Squire likes this.
  4. JohnQ

    JohnQ Active Member

    I’m still feeling like I don’t have much libido. A few time over the past two weeks I felt like I had a little spark and was hoping I was coming out of my flatline. Once I was interaction with a women at work, it was just a typical work related interaction but she is very friendly and very attractive. Another time I was at a charity event and was making my way to my table and one women caught my eye and went out of her way to say hello. These were very small things but it was nice to feel something.

    The other times were with my wife and they led to sex. My sensitivity was really good and I felt I was close again but couldn’t finish in her. It’s a strange thing but when I notice I have the sensitivity need I find I’m so easily distracted. I still tend to focus on her and not myself. Once that happens I lose it.

    This probably means I’m making some progress but if you look at the total time over the past two weeks the percentage of time with any kind of libido would on be a few percent. Most of the time there is no sexual energy.

    I still feel really healthy. I have plenty of energy, I’m in good spirits and I’m sleeping well but there has been a little stress at work. I do need to find the time to look into supplements to see if there is anything that might help.
     
    Bobo likes this.
  5. Bobo

    Bobo Well-Known Member

    Look into juicing. Healthy and weight loss. Hang in there. Flatlining is like a runaway train, I know believe me !
     
  6. Squire

    Squire Well-Known Member

    How's it going dude? Looking forward to reading an update on your situation.
     
  7. Bobo

    Bobo Well-Known Member

    Breaker.......breaker..... where are you John ? You ok?:(
     
  8. Bobo

    Bobo Well-Known Member

    Its August 6th John everything ok ? Let us know u are ok ?
     
  9. JohnQ

    JohnQ Active Member

    Bobo,
    Thanks for checking in on me. I hope all is well with you. I will have to catch up on your diary. Everything is fine with me. I haven’t been posting anything because there hasn’t been anything new to report. I’ve been continueing the keto diet and I feel my gut heath has improved tremendously and my inflammation has cleared up. I had no idea how bad off I was with those things. The weight came off easily and has not returned. Not having the constant ups and downs associated with eating carbs is great and the diet is very satisfying so there is very little hunger and your body knows when to stop eating. Being fat adapted and running on ketones is great. I feel healthy and am in good spirits. My concentration has also greatly improved and I don’t get brain fade anymore.

    I was hopeing this approach would help with my recovery and I think it did but I still spend most of my time in flatline. Maybe a few times week I do feel some little libido and that’s up from a few times a month but it is very fragile and will quickly disappear. When I do feel something it is actually a surprise. For example if I’m a t the beach or at the gym I usually will hardly notice the women but every once and a while I might get a little twinge of some libido returning. I’ve been doing my wife every other week or so and the sex is good. Trying to time my libido and her availability can be a bit tricky but I keep a look out for opportunities. My sensitivity comes and goes so I’m not there yet with that.

    At any rate I will keep pushing forward.
     
    Boxer17, Libertad and Saville like this.
  10. Bobo

    Bobo Well-Known Member

    John glad to hear u ok. Flatline goes on like u sorry to say, almost 1 year now.
     
    JohnQ likes this.
  11. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Awesome to hear from you, JohnQ. Your weight-loss is inspirational. I need to attend to my own weight or risk crushing my wife! :eek:
     
    Boxer17 likes this.
  12. JohnQ

    JohnQ Active Member

    Too funny. The weight loss is great and it definitely helps getting my ass up hills on bike rides. Now if I could only get my pecker to work. :)
     
  13. JohnQ

    JohnQ Active Member

    Squire,
    Thanks for checking in on me. I’ve been working on my health and diet and a lot of things have improved but most of the time I’m in flatline. I might feel some energy a couple times a week but it doesn’t last long. It feels like there almost isn’t any progress but if I look back on things objectively there has been some. I’m not where I want to be and believe me I have realistic expectations. The progress is incredibly slow. I was wondering if at some point things would start coming together and the improvement would start accelerating. That’s not the case. I plan on doing some research on brain supplements and I contacted 40New30.
     
    Libertad likes this.
  14. JohnQ

    JohnQ Active Member

    It’s been 354 days and I feel like I am getting further from my porn addiction. I feel really good physically and emotionally, much more together than where I was a year ago. The urges to look at porn are pretty much not there but I still feel I need to be careful. Occasionally if I’m watching tv and there is a scene with a sexy girl or some sexual situation I might still get a little rush. It not the kind of rush where I feel like I’m being driven to start surfing porn but it’s still like 2D images are still having a effect on me. I’m thinking you should feel something when you look at pretty girl on tv but in the real world, around real women, I am still spending most of my time hardly feeling anything. Between those two things and my lack of libido it shows me I’m still not recovered. It’s like I’m caught in this no man’s land not quite out of porn addiction and not having my libido back. There are occasional times when I feel some spark, like I’m coming out of flatline but it is still very infrequent.

    It’s funny but sometimes my total lack of libido or response to women can come in handy. No matter how beautiful they are I can talk to them and interact with them like I was talking to an 80 year old man. It’s like some kind of perverse super power. As men we all have our favorite type of look in a woman, hair color, hair style, eye color, body type etc. but even my favorites, the ones that would have been krytonite before have no effect on me. When I interact with them I am totally in control. I can be charming without worrying about how I might be taken, I don’t really care. I feel like I have a huge advantage. I can observe the situation and if I’m getting a positive response I can even toy with them if I want. I’m not talking overt flirting just being polite and pleasant. ...but the sad part is I would give anything to feel something. Heck there was a time when even the most average looking women would elicit some kind of response. I know I can’t have the libido of a teenager but I feel there should be something.

    I’m trying to be patient hopefully I will continue to make progress.
     
    Bobo likes this.
  15. Bobo

    Bobo Well-Known Member

    Today is 353 days for me John. No end in sight. Sometimes libido is roaring but for the most part it's slow to dead. Don't know how long g/f thing will last. Very sobering at best. G/f and I have,a good sexual relationship as well as relationship but I am not sure it will last. Women are very friendly but I don't usually feel anything. Oh well like 40 said could take up to 2 years.
     
    Last edited: Aug 11, 2018
  16. Bobo

    Bobo Well-Known Member

    Heather is awesome BUT I don't know what's going to happen. I am in such a funk it scares me. We went to a movie tonite and made love BUT I felt 0. Very scary for me.
     
  17. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Hey, bro'. Libido, in my opinion, is more mental than it is physical. If we're not doing P and fapping then the low-libido question becomes one of our approach to life. What sparks my interest in life (in women) is acting on things when they occur to me; I'm talking about things that are legal and moral. :D For instance, one day when it rained I went out on the deck in my bathing suit and let it pour over me. I like to walk around the house naked from time to time, even if it does shock the stuffed animals and make the shelf ornaments blanche. I read poetry. It can be anything, really, but I find delight in some turns of phrase. I've changed what kind of music I listen to. String quartets, choral music, weird indie shit, sometimes. This new stimuli moves different chemicals in my brain, at least I think it must, because I feel so different now. I eat with my hands more, because it feels more sensual than eating with a fork. I guess aside from introducing new things it's about breaking the barrier of the sterile things in our life and going directly to the source. Have you ever eaten a cinnamon role, for instance, and sucked on your fingers a little as you ate it? Is that a trigger? ;)

    Getting in shape and eating healthy is great, but the great need for a human once we are fed and clothed is something greater. Each person determines what that greater something is.
     
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  18. Bobo

    Bobo Well-Known Member

    Well today seems a little better. Feel a little more like myself and more content, we will see. See what happens in am.
     
    JohnQ likes this.
  19. JohnQ

    JohnQ Active Member

    Bobo,
    I’m glad you are feeling better. Hopefully this will be the start of a good week for you. I’ve had times where I’m in a funk. Sometime it’s just an accumulation of negative thing going on, work pressures, things going wrong around the house etc. The worst part is they seem to come in groups. A few weeks ago I had a really hectic week at work (the usual unproductive bullshit) that weekend I had started a fairly big project in the house only to have the refrigerator start leaking. I was not a happy camper.
     
  20. JohnQ

    JohnQ Active Member

    Saville,
    I think you are right. It’s important to get out there and experience things. Your approach is much more positive than just being an impartial disconnected third party observer in your own life which is what I tend to do. Constantly measuring my response to women, although possibly an indication of where I am in the process, can come with negative overtones.

    ...and oh yeah, the cinnamon bun thing is definitely a trigger!!!! :)
     
    Saville likes this.

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