I finally decided to make a journal with the encouragement of Saville and most of this post is based on a post I made in his journal. I’m new to this all this. I stumbled onto this site a little over two months back and I am currently 68 days PMO free. I read through a lot of the journals on this site and I believe the journals of the men on this site are incredibly helpful. It is nice to be able to stand on the shoulders of men that have gone before me. I have been following Seville, 40new30 and Bobo and they have given me a ton of inspiration and motivation. I’m in my mid 50’s and probably like a lot of the married guys here my wife lost interest in sex shortly after our last child was born. For the last 25 years we might have sex once a month or every other month. Attempts to talk to her have gone nowhere and no matter how hard I tried she wouldn’t engage in any discussion. I eventually gave up trying and grew resentful. I felt I shouldn’t have to beg or cajole her into having sex or wait until she felt sorry enough for me to offer. I fell into the porn habit probably 10 or 12 years ago which resulted in PIED. For the most part our relationship is good but I can’t seem to let go of this resentment I am carrying because of her lack of interest in sex. It’s odd but what finally drove me to try to fix myself was going to a strip club with the guys from work. They go once every couple of years and I have always said no to the invitation but they finally convinced me to go. Although I wouldn’t cheat on my wife, being there with all those beautiful women and realizing given the opportunity (which wouldn’t happen) that I probably would not be able to perform with any of them. That was the last straw. I have been following the advice of others here. I always tried to stay fit but have been eating more healthy and exercising more. I upped my cycling mileage and intensity and increased my weight training. As a result I have lost 25 lbs and my fitness level has gone way up. I’ve been more productive around the house too; painted several rooms, re-did the laundry room with new cabinets and appliances, cleaned the garage and did a ton of yard work. I’m doing my best to fight triggers by forcing myself not to look at certain scenes on TV and doing my best not to have fantasies. I think I am experiencing a lot of the same positive things that the other guys have been experiencing at this point in my recovery which is encouraging. For the most part, I have been having erections during the evening and morning wood has returned. Sexual dreams (not porn dreams) have returned, it’s been years since I have had them. They occur a couple times a week and I have almost had wet dreams a few times but woke up. It’s funny but I have noticed the so called “super power” thing that others have mentioned. I thought I was imagining it but even my wife has commented about other women checking me out. It is a pleasant side effect. These 68 days haven’t been all wonderful. I’ve spent most of the time in flatline with the feeling that I am not making any progress. I am convinced this is going to take a long time and I’m even questioning if it is possible to fix myself but I plan on staying the course. I have to admit I am struggling with how, or even if I want to, fix the relationship with my wife. I still have a lot resentment regarding her lack of interest in sex but I realize that is something I must work on. Seville offered some incredible insights on this issue. I do believe I need to grow and fix the relationship if I am going to move forward.