A Long Journey

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by Resurrection, Feb 12, 2022.

  1. Resurrection

    Resurrection New Member

    Hello my friends.
    I'm new to this forum. Since English is not my mother tongue, I apologize in advance for any spelling mistakes I will make.
    I want to make a fresh start and I want to record it day by day in your presence.
    I want to go on a long journey again. This road will be really tough. I need your support on this long road. Please do not hesitate my friends.

    About myself;

    First, let me tell you a little about myself and my story. I am 25 years old and have been using pmo for about 12-13 years. I am a heavy addict. I was a really successful and exemplary student in primary school and as a child. Great things were always expected of me ahead. But when I got to high school, my success dropped unbelievably. I recently realized that the biggest reason for this is pmo. I didn't know anything then. I was a very depressed, introverted, insecure, skinny kid.
    I went to a different city in college and started living alone. Strangely enough, I regained my success in college, even though I was stressed at the time. Although I still had pmo in my life, I wasn't that bad anymore. The reason is that I have an active and active life at the university; It may be that I do not exercise regularly and pay attention to my diet. I still can't understand why. I think movement is important. After I finished my school, I continued this performance and took the exams and achieved a good success. Now I have a good job in government. I can't thank God enough for granting me this success and business despite all my addictions and hard times. I have only had 2 girlfriends until this age and my relationships were short-lived. Pmon definitely has an effect on this. I'm still a virgin.
    Last edited: Feb 12, 2022
  2. Resurrection

    Resurrection New Member

    About my war;

    My battle with addiction essentially started with smoking. I have smoked for 5 years. Thanks to Allen Carr's videos, I quit smoking. That's when I first learned about the relationship between dopamine and addiction, about 5 years ago. Learning the chemical and scientific reasons for this job made my job easier. I currently do not smoke or drink alcohol. No drugs anymore. I only tried weed twice in high school.
    My fight with Pmo has been going on for many years. I don't remember when it started. I've lost countless times. I was able to quit smoking in a few tries. My longest series without Pmo was around 100 days. I was very stressed when I had exams last year. Of course, the effect of pmon on this was great. I couldn't focus. That's why I got help from the doctor. I used lustral and seroquel for 3 months. (antisepressants, for anxiety) Lustral worked and I didn't even think of pmo for 3 months because it lowered my libido so much and I was able to do a series over 100 days. Then I relapsed. My longest series without drug support is over today. 21 days.
  3. Resurrection

    Resurrection New Member

    About my last relapse;

    20 days ago I started my Pmo-free days. I didn't have pmo, but I was looking at girls I ran into at work and outside. I couldn't help it when dreams came to my mind from time to time. I think those were my biggest reasons for relapse. This Friday, on my 20th day, I had great looks with a really beautiful girl at work. On the 20th day, the symptoms were starting to disappear gradually. My communication with the opposite sex was getting better. I was attracting more attention and I had excitement and love for him. It's not just sexual. It was a great feeling. I was incredibly happy yesterday, my friends. When I got home I wanted to watch some drama and I was goddamn triggered. I just got an erection 15 minutes. Then I turned it off.
    This morning I woke up at around 5.30 am. Definitely my body woke me up for dopamine. I've had this in my previous series, and this is the most dangerous time. While the recovery has started and my libido has increased, my body always wakes me up early one night. He has incredible sexual desire and an uncontrollable imagination. I'm in bed. It's very early in the morning. It's really my most vulnerable time. This beast knows his business well. He wanted to fight me like this again today. At around 6 am I couldn't help but look at 1-2 naked pictures. Then I dreamed. By noon, when my urge had passed, it came back and I relapsed. I made 1 pmo. about 1 hour of video call followed by mo. I can't tell you how sad I am right now. I'll admit, I was about to cry. It's been 1-2 hours now and I'm still crying a little while typing this. I am very angry and upset with myself.
    I looked in the mirror and my eyes look a little lifeless again. My face is pale again. my god!!! How does 20 days of success go to zero in 1 hour? This is a terrible war!!! I thought about that girl and did not feel the excitement of love. Maybe it's because I'm the new one. So I hope so. I'm chasing that girl again on Monday. I hope I haven't completely lost my charm and the desire for love still remains. Man, I can never forgive myself if I lose that girl just because of this relapse. Please tell me my 20 day series was not wasted. Since I was always at war before, I would stay clean for at least 1 week after the relapse. For a long time, it goes in the form of recurrence-1 week, 15 days, serial-relapse-serial. I usually give up during the morning wake-up times I mentioned. Those days are unbearable all day long. The monster is peaking.
    I don't want to miss good opportunities because of pmo stupidity anymore. I will move to a new job in 1 month and there will be a serious education-exam period. I need concentration at this time. I don't want to be depressed, insecure, unfocused again. I have to show my potential. I am really handsome. But after the pmo, my face color disappears in a way that I can't understand. This does not happen to my friends who do pmo more than me. Why!!! Why!!! Am I cursed!!!
    Last edited: Feb 13, 2022
  4. Resurrection

    Resurrection New Member

    About my resurrence;

    My friends, I want to start a great series starting tomorrow and win this war. There are great people here and I hope you will share your support and experience with me.
    I am a brother of yours, miles away from most of you, in a different country, of a different religion, of a different purpose and life. But we have a very important common point. OUR ENEMY IS THE SAME.
    Even as I write these lines, I have confidence in myself. I feel that you are with me, that I am not alone. God I can't thank you enough to the people who created this forum and created this opportunity. I can share my story with my friends around the world and ask for help. Thank god.
    As I said, I am with you now and I will record every day. I need your opinions from time to time. Please offer your support by visiting this thread from time to time. I look forward to Monday. Have I lost all my healing? Have I lost that girl? I'll see what happens.
    I start recording my story by saying tomorrow is the 1st day. My friends, what I want to ask you now are;
    - I have been doing 1 week and 15 days series for about 1 year and I relapse. Usually the 7th 15th 21st days when the urge peaks and wakes up early in the morning. I'm in bed early in the morning and very vulnerable. What is your advice on this?
    - As I've said for a long time, has it helped me to have series? Sometimes after 7 days it relapsed and I was doing pmo and my rage was not going away. He was circling me. That's why sometimes when it relapsed at the end of my series, I was doing pmo 3- 4 times in a row for 1-2 days until I was full of pmo. I was feeding myself well. This was helping me go 1 week 15 days. Has this hurt me much? I will no longer do this. There was a 1 hour pmo today in this 20 day series and I'm not going to drown it myself.
    - When I'm overly stressed and upset in a situation that I realize is causing me to relapse. What do you think I should do during these times?
    - I can't help daydreaming in my series. Especially after 15 days, my libido comes and dreams begin. What should I do about it?
    - When I get home, I spend the rest of my day lying in bed and on the phone. Lately I've noticed that lying in bed triggers me. Dreams begin as soon as I go to bed. The urges begin. If I don't have a job on the weekend, most of the day is spent lying down on the phone. Youtube, TV series, movies etc. After 1 month, when my job training starts, I will have to study even on the weekend, but I am still open to your advice on this matter.
    - I continued to look at women in my series. I thought it was natural, but I guess it's causing me to relapse. What are your recommendations?
    - I watch my diet. Unfortunately, I can't do sports, I don't have time to go to the gym. I am open to alternative suggestions.
    - I am waiting for your advice on how to wake up dopamine in the early morning, especially on the days when my libido is coming, about caring for women and daydreaming. These are the biggest reasons for my relapse. I don't have social media. I also turned off triggers like Netflix.
    If it's been so long, I apologize to all of you. I really needed to share and relax. It felt good to even write these. My relapse in the morning was so upsetting. I screamed silently when I saw that I had lost again. I can't describe it. I will write a report for day 1 tomorrow. I hope the first days don't get messed up and 20 days don't go to waste. Thank you in advance for your support, my friends.
    Last edited: Feb 13, 2022
  5. Resurrection

    Resurrection New Member

    1. Day

    Today I woke up again between 5-6 in the morning. In my last 20-day series, I started to wake up around these places. I do not know why. When I woke up today I had a headache. I think I was experiencing the effects and withdrawal of yesterday's relapse. A few hours after waking up, I went back to sleep. I was able to sleep an extra 1-2 hours and that felt good. I did not feel sleepy during the day. By noon, my headache subsided, and in the evening it passed.
    My eyes are still lifeless. My face is pale. My face and hands are dry. I don't have much cold feet that I felt before. I think the 20-day series was good for that. I felt very depressed and alone in the morning. I believed so much in my last series and the relapse disappointed me. I was still really upset. I thought I had lost a lot of things. Because of my depressive state and appearance, I thought that I lost my chance with the girl I wanted. I hope that doesn't happen. I went out with a friend in the afternoon. I really needed some socializing. Because I was very sad. Later, a few more friends joined and we sat for a few hours. Socializing is really good.
    Before I go to sleep, I'm going to hang out on youtube, read something and pass the time. I have to sleep well because I have to go to work tomorrow. I used to have a hard time falling asleep on my busy pmo days. I can sleep now. This is very nice. Sleep is very important. I think my recent 10-15 day series has fixed this. Even with relapses, being in combat definitely helps. Much better than pmo every day. My heartbeat is not as fast as before the 20-day series. My anxiety and depression aren't all that bad either. I'm better, but not enough of course.
    I couldn't enjoy the music I listened to after the pmo. I listened to some music today. I still enjoyed it, though not as much as before. As I see it, some of the benefits of my 20-day series are gone. Especially the visual ones. But it wasn't all completely wasted. Some benefits of the series still remain. It is not correct to do 3-4 sessions of PMO by saying that I have already relapsed after I have definitely relapsed. This increases the collapse and delays healing. Even if there is a recurrence, it should be short and quick. It should be finished in just one session. so that the previous series is not wasted and the new series passes more easily.
    Brain fog isn't much different from the 20-day series. I feel pretty much the same. My memory and focus hadn't improved much anyway. My self-confidence is so broken. I hope I can get over this soon.
    My visual quality is not bad. It doesn't seem like it has regressed much. I don't see as blurry as before. I have some pain in my eyes. I do not know why. It's been there for the past week. There may also be eye strain related to work and the time I spend on the phone.
    I can communicate by looking into people's eyes. It is one of the benefits that my previous series gave me and that I have not lost.
    no pmo impulse. My libido isn't excessive, but it's not dead either. my penis is not of full quality but still in better condition. not as small as on busy pmo days. I had a few seconds of daydreaming today, but they weren't strong, I was able to distract myself right away.
  6. Resurrection

    Resurrection New Member

    2. Day

    No pmo today either. there is no urge. Many things are similar to yesterday. my skin is a little better. My under eye bruise is better. my god! I felt so depressed today that I was really about to cry in the evening. I've had incredible inner conflicts. I haven't felt this depleted in a long time. If I were to write about what I experienced and thought today, I would need pages. I don't think you want to read this either. I rushed out after I had barely had a bite to eat. I did not stay at home. I walked briskly for a long time and prayed to God on many matters and deeply. I really questioned many things. After a relapse I usually felt fine for 1-2 days and then slowly bottomed out. After seeing the bottom, my mood would slowly improve. I think I saw the bottom earlier this time. Is it just about recurrence? I don't know if it's related to my disappointment with that girl today. It was an incredibly difficult and complex day. Is he really interested in me and playing the tough girl? I don't know if he really does or not. symptoms point to both. Damn, women are so hard to understand. Or I'm not very talented at this, I don't know. The clearest thing I can say about this day is this; I haven't felt this low, depressed, helpless and hopeless in a long time. one of the days I don't want to remember in my life... I hope that the days will pass as soon as possible and that I will not experience these feelings again.
  7. Resurrection

    Resurrection New Member

    3. Day

    No pmo. I am in the same situation as the first 2 days. My depression and emotional breakdown continues. but I don't know if it's because of the pmo pullback or what I've been through at work. I guess both. I'm having some bad days at work. I think that the pmo withdrawal made me experience this situation a little more exaggerated and intensely. Of course, these do not concern my pmo log. very different topics.
  8. Resurrection

    Resurrection New Member

    4. Day

    No pmo. there is no urge. My psyche is slowly getting better. I left work a little early today and spent time with my friends. Socializing is really good. I noticed this today. Sometimes we think that the usual stresses in normal life are caused by pmo. yes, pmo stress makes us live more intensely than usual. this is bad. but not always the direct source of stress. a catalyst. emotions—especially the bad ones—make us live on the edge.
  9. tarconi_union

    tarconi_union Member

    Don't think with your dick. Beware of chaser effect. Of pmoing 3-4 times within a day or two after relapse.
    Two-three week streaks are not taking you far. You won't see improvement in this short period.
    I experience similar effects you mentioned. Both physical and psychological.
    Get help from addiction specialist if you can.
  10. Resurrection

    Resurrection New Member

    5. Day

    No pmo. There is no urge. I just woke up early in the morning again. I can sleep 5-6 hours at most. When I woke up I had a little urge to daydream. It wasn't very strong. I dreamed a little. I am basically the same as the previous days. my mood sucks.
  11. Resurrection

    Resurrection New Member

    Hello my friend. Thank you for your thoughts. I feel so exhausted and unhappy that it's hard to even breathe. so I'm going to let this damn situation pass for a while. I hope I will feel better after 1 week. I'm lucky that I don't have important things to do right now. because with this state of mind, I am not available for anything. I left myself in the lap of time like a seed falling into water. In time I will either rot away or one day I will turn green. I hope you succeed in your journey and can build a pmo-free life, my friend.
    tarconi_union likes this.
  12. Resurrection

    Resurrection New Member

    6. Day

    I had another terrible day at work today. I can't stand this job anymore. It's almost time for me to move on to my new job. I hope I don't have to spend any more time with awful people in this awful place. I'm dying to get my new job.

    I woke up early again in the morning. I had some clearer dreams tonight. this has always been a sign of recovery for me. It indicates the beginning of my recovery. it really did. My libido was high today. A few people at work excited me. I still have dreams of one. I should stay away from imagining it. I don't feel bad right now, even though it's my worst day at work. I was very stressed at that moment, but it passed. When I was depressed due to pmo, even the smallest event would put me under stress for a long time. I am happy that my mood, anxiety and depression are getting better.

    My libido is really high. As I mentioned before, I get wet quickly when warned. Today I experienced this situation again because of that woman. I know I am in dangerous waters. I also know that I have to get away from here. In fact, a wet dream that won't slow my process back can help. but this is out of my hands of course. My mental recovery is going better so far. Definitely my 20-day streak hasn't completely disappeared. The short duration of my relapse, the fact that I didn't make the mistake I made before (to feed myself well after a relapse, 3-4 consecutive sessions of pmo) was of great benefit. My recovery is faster this time. the old benefits are also not completely gone. The biggest lesson I have learned and my advice to you is this. Even if you definitely relapse, this is very short, be quick. end in one session and start the new series immediately.

    physically my skin just got a little more refreshed. My vision has improved a bit. Now I see farther and clearer without being blurred. Other than that, there is not much physical development. Mentally, I saw a great improvement today. I hope this situation continues. First to God, then to you, I am grateful to this forum for being comfortable now even on the worst day.

    I need to stop looking at attractive women. it triggers my libido and my urge to daydream. I will concentrate on that.
  13. Resurrection

    Resurrection New Member

    7. Day

    No pmo. I wake up early this morning. When I woke up my libido was very high. I imagined between half an hour and 1 hour. I can have a very hard erection while imagine. I had absolutely no p urge. But my libido was high. During this time, there was some wetness again, but I definitely did not ejaculate, I did not have an orgasm. I think these imagines gave me some relief. My libido has calmed down. It's good that I don't have a p-drive. Maybe dreaming doesn't hurt as much as p, but again, I know it's risky and I have to stop. I hope today's imagines don't hold me back. I like that although my libido is high, I don't have a p urge. There is no development different from previous developments. Being woken up early in the morning by the dopamine demanding brain seems to be my biggest problem. It's caused my relapses before. It creates an incredible libido and desire in the morning. It seems impossible to resist imagine. However, I will be more careful. There are few alternatives at those hours, but I will find things to distract me.
    Last edited: Feb 19, 2022
  14. Resurrection

    Resurrection New Member

    8. Day

    no pmo. Today I slept for 6 hours and woke up early. I dreamed that I was masturbating without p. It wasn't a wet dream. I did not discharge. I normally think I'm pe. I was able to hold on for a long time in my dream. I masturbated for long periods of time without ejaculating. I hope this is a good sign and it will be like this in real life [​IMG] it was interesting that I was masturbating in my dream without any p-content or intense sexual stimulation. I think and I hope I'm slowly getting along with p.

    I feel better in terms of mood. Today I went out with my friend and socialized a bit. Socializing with the right people is good for me. I bought a book while I was out. Now I have another weapon when the urges come. I haven't had time to read a literary book for a long time because of classes and exams. I will do this now.

    I felt incredibly energetic, especially in the evening. It was like I could run 10 km if I wanted to. I have an incredible energy inside me, but it certainly does not create an impulse. this made me very happy. I saw many attractive women out there. My libido is really good. but despite this energy and libido it is very pleasing that there is no p drive. I hate that damn thing. My mood is really better than last week. There is not much improvement physically. I look forward to the increase in memory and concentration. These two are basically what I need. I don't know when these two will get better.
  15. Resurrection

    Resurrection New Member

    9. Day

    No Pmo. It was similar to the previous few days. I didn't have as high energy and libido as yesterday. Maybe I get tired at work. I guess it will go up and down for a while. I don't need to feel very energetic. My only goal is to be natural and normal.

    It's been years since I quit smoking with allen carr's video. Actually, I quit easily. I really thought as if I didn't make any sacrifices. I didn't stay away from smokers like some quitters. I didn't quit smoking because I was afraid of dying when I saw a cigarette. The next day I sat quite naturally among my smoking friends. I acted as if I had NEVER used it. They are two different psychologies. I think to use this weapon for pmo. I agree with easy peasy at this point. ) it's best not to think too much about pmo except to write in my diary and browse the forum from time to time. There are really much bigger pains and goals in life. What we see and experience. Pmo? Yes, it's an addiction, but I think we shouldn't exaggerate that much besides all the pain and cruelty in this life. you're not that strong pmo.my goals and values are many times higher than you bigger. There are many married men here who are ashamed of their families and their spouses. I am still single, young. I want a good wife and family. I can get rid of this trouble and make a clean entry into family life. Not only for myself. My future wife and for kids.
  16. Resurrection

    Resurrection New Member

    10. Day

    No pmo. Not much different from previous days. The graphic is a bit like a U. First I saw the bottom. I was very depressed. I gradually rose up. A few days ago my mood was better. Now there is a slight descent down U's right arm. looks like i'm going to move forward for a while. of course i won't see the bottom. a slight descent and a long horizontal line. not just staying away from pmo doesn't affect my mood. i'll be moving on to a new job soon. my love life hasn't been going well lately. it creates uncertainty and uncertainties are very wearisome. I have too many questions in my mind. I can't upload everything to pmo. This is not the only reason. I hope the uncertainties end in the right way for me.

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