Hi all, I have decided to start a new journal to document my progress. Been on YBOP since 2014. For those who probably don't know my background: - Turned 29 last week - First exposed to Pornography from the age of 11. - Started PMoing from the age of 14. -Pied from the age of 21. - like most of here, it starts from simple naked pictures of women to lesbian to penetration, then to hardcore sex. Then it escalates to most extreme staff such as transsexual porn and even some Gay porn (I am not Gay) - Been trying to quit since I have discovered this page. Doesn't really take a genius to see that I have failed miserably. - I have had suicidal thoughts as I just wanted to give up on life. - It was only at the start of the year, I have decided to see a professional Therapist who deals with sexual behaviour and Porn addiction who has been really good in terms of listening and dissecting everything I said. I have not been however for nearly 2 months. - So far in 2020, I have already relapsed 23 times (As off 29/03/2020). Cannot count the times I have relapsed over the 6 years. - Last relationship is coming up to 7 years ago. - The last date I have had had been about 2 months ago but since then things havent gone well and we both have not spoken for over 3 weeks. I want my dick working again, I want to feel confident and feel good about myself. I want to feel happy. Porn has distroyed all self confidence, all self worth. I have asked my self what the point of living. For anyone who may stumble on this journal approaching your 20s - Give it up now! Do everything possible to ensure you do not get this level as I am currently in where you are completely dependent on it. My 20s has been ruined due to Porn. I cannot reclaim my 20s and just start again but I want to eventually look forward to hopefully having a fulfilling future.
My last relapse was - 28/03/2020 - 16:10 I had previously downloaded Detoxify for my phone and Macbook and can say that I have been extremely impressed. It blocks all porn and the app is pretty impossible to uninstall. However the last 2 or so months, I am identifying that now I am using my PS4 to act out. Every two days I am jacking off. it Is a continuous cycle. Relapse, promised I will sell the PS4, wake up the next day feeling positive, go a day then go to sleep think about sexual thoughts then during the next day relapse. It is the same Cycle. This has to change!
Day 1 As with usual relapses, Day 1 always tends to go well. Went for a walk to do my daily exercise as within the guidance with the Covid-19 policies. Been reading nearly all day. Finsially finished a book which to my own faults took months to complete. Already starting reading another book.
Day 3 Same as Day 2. Got up, read my kindle, started working. Will be reading trying to finish my book then off to another one. Did woke up feeling slightly tired. Didn't had much of a "good" sleep.
@Brit_91_kd Just read all your journey mate, I am inspired by you. Yes you have relapsed but your courage to get up and keep going is fantastic. I am also recovering and have relapsed several times so am on this journey similar to you and all we can do push forward I will continue to follow your journey and please keep posting mate i personally find it helps Take care
