A Good Path

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by fcjl8, Nov 19, 2012.

  1. fcjl8

    fcjl8 The only path for me

    Five days out from my O with my wife and hanging in mood wise. I really like the period between intimacy and getting high libido again.

    Back when using PMO daily I was high libido 24/7... and not the healthy loving kind with real physical intimacy... just a junkie chasing his next fix.

    It seems more and more like a dream now... not isolated PMO... but the way I used to chase it and edge for hours and hours. I think the state of edging and hunting for the perfect scene was the real killer in this addiction.
     
  2. fcjl8

    fcjl8 The only path for me

    I wish I could say that I am totally free from any temptation to look... That would make this an easy process. I would estimate that my "temptation" levels are a tiny fraction of what they once were but I still have moments that I must use all my tools. At least I am not using my "tool"!

    I do wonder what I do with decades of stored images and scenes in my mind. I am blessed or cursed with a very long and vivid memory, this causes me to have almost total recall going back even to ugly childhood situations. I am really fighting to not let any of my favorite past scenes creep up. This is my current challenge.

    I am a week out from intimacy with my beloved wife and that is fine with me. I really like a slower approach to full intimacy right now... quite a contrast from years of crabbing at her for more action.

    All the best brothers!
     
  3. fcjl8

    fcjl8 The only path for me

    It is day 245 of the year 2017. I estimate that I have been PMO free for around 238... maybe 239 of those 245 days. There are 120 days left in 2017 and I fully intend to be free for those as well! Yes, I would have preferred that my 238 days were all consecutive... I would have preferred that I had been clean all 245... BUT I am happy with the days clean period. I am not complacent or congratulating myself in any way, I know too well how that attitude has caught me out in the past.

    I have a greater understanding of the core issues that I was numbing with my mask of choice PMO. I have other methods to address these issues and past hurts now. Besides the PMO mask did not work anymore... in fact it never did... it created it's own set of issues and hurts.

    I am grateful that my life includes Yourbrainrebalnced and all the great guys here!

    Blessings
     
  4. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Can't sniff at that!


    Blessings to you, Bro. :)
     
  5. fcjl8

    fcjl8 The only path for me

    Today marked the first day of my son off to college. This will take some getting used to for me. I truly love my son and for the first time in 19 years he won't be sleeping in our rural home. He is down in the big city of Toronto... staying at his aunt's house which is minutes to school. The reality is that he is no more than a 40 minute drive away but it is weird he not being in "his bedroom" the last 2 evenings. The plan is for him to come home Friday nights to give his aunt and uncle their home for the weekend and for his part time job which is in our neck of the woods.

    A big change like this would have sent me off for self medication in the past. Not today or any day for that matter... I will deal with this adjustment sober.
     
  6. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Yes!
     
  7. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Yes!
     
  8. fcjl8

    fcjl8 The only path for me

    Still missing our son. this is a bigger transition than I ever imagined. I mean in my mind. He is well and safe and very capable and competent, and thank God he has no addictions other than fitness and nutrition. I shared with him my battle when he was about 11 years old he saw friends of his as young as 12 fall into pornography or video game addiction. Then as a teen he saw alcohol and drugs affect his friends. I am happy that exercise is his only go to self medication.

    Now for me... I am clean from PMO. Temptation is there mildly buzzing away, especially in the evening, My beloved wife and I have not had full physical intimacy for over two weeks now... I have contemplated going 30 -40 days of total no O but feel the pressure building on my libido dam.
     

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