A Good Path

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by fcjl8, Nov 19, 2012.

  1. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Most of the men here have spent their lives giving too much to others. We never learned to feel healthy detachment. In other words, we are too enmeshed in our families. As long as we fret/concentrate/help our families then we are off the hook in terms of taking care of our own needs. Your son is fine. Baby birds get kicked out of the nest and the parents let them be. Reminding you that you are numero uno. Your journey is the important one. You've obviously done a great job raising your son. Kudos for that.

    Also, I wrote on my journal that we don't have to "tell" our wives everything. Upon rereading I realized that it could seem like an indictment of you, which it wasn't. I just wanted to apologize, my friend, if I came across harshly. :)
  2. Guy_Stewart

    Guy_Stewart Well-Known Member

    My dear friend -- I am SO HOLDING YOU UP IN PRAYER. Just know that I am. I can't say "I understand", because I don't know you well enough. But I understand in the sense that we are brothers-in-Christ and I praying that you experience the peace that passes all understanding; that it might keep your HEART and your MIND in Christ Jesus our Lord. You are upheld. Oh, and don't let Satan grant you an opportunity to sin. I'll be praying against that especially.
  3. fcjl8

    fcjl8 The only path for me

    Thanks Saville and Guy...

    I really need the help of you men at YBR! Urgently!! I slipped yesterday and am in danger of going full blown binge... desperately do not want what has been a very good year to completely unravel. We are at day 253 of 2017 and I have used PMO now about 9 times... yes, 9 times too many but still 244 days with no PMO. There are 107 days left this year and I want them to be CLEAN!

    To analyze why I slipped. The usual fears... numbing a rough week last week both with work and homelife... and very high libido due to no intimacy with my wife for almost 4 weeks. Still, none of these are valid reasons to use PMO and I know this, I have been on this path for many years and know how to use tools such as get up and get out.. call a sobriety partner.. exercise.. pray and meditate.. listen to posi music or on-line messages etc.

    I am a competitive person by nature... I need to feel like I am winning or at least have a good shot at competing. Right now I must get back on that path to freedom... as many of you know it can be hard to "snap out" of that post dopamine mindset and walk clear minded to freedom.
    Billy B. likes this.
  4. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    My thoughts and prayers are with you, friend. Nobody understands more than we do...we also know that you can get back on track! One day at a time.
    Billy B. likes this.
  5. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    The addict loves the excuse maker. Rise up, my friend, rise up!
    Billy B. likes this.
  6. gymaddict

    gymaddict Member

    Prayers for you fcjl8. Hope you can get some intimacy in with your sweetie. Considering the things you have written about your sexuality, once a month seems an awfully long time for a guy of your abilities to go without sex from/with his sweetie.

  7. over_it

    over_it Active Member

    Hopefully you won't completely unravel as you have made a lot of progress to PMO so little. I also felt I was in danger of bingeing but as we all know it's never worth it. Hang in there!
    Billy B. likes this.
  8. fcjl8

    fcjl8 The only path for me

    Thanks for the truths and shared wisdom and support... over_it, Gymaddict, Saville and 40New30. Knowing fine men like you inspires me to keep walking this path.

    I weathered the storm. No binge and no repeat slips... no staying up late and sneaking alone PMO time.

    What I find disappointing is that I have the tools to fight off the temptation and opportunity that I was faced with and I willfully chose not to use them. I have two real life accountability partners, I know the benefits of getting away from the screen, I have my Faith and the strength that He can provide me when I turn to Him.

    I have learned from this and the PMO was truly bleh. I was reminded yesterday afternoon of how wonderful real Intimacy is with my wife for an hour of play and lovemaking.

    I did tell my one accountabilty partner that I willfully messed up. He told me in return that he did as well. We have formulated a new preemptive text plan in such event of temptation.

    Back on the path. I will make this work.

    Billy B. likes this.
  9. fcjl8

    fcjl8 The only path for me

    Checking in on Friday... three days out from my slip. Strong libido today. I do not think it is a chaser from the slip I had on Tuesday, rather it is healthy desire for more physical intimacy with my wife. I really think that 4 weeks with no nookie... er intimacy was too long.

    It was an interesting contrast using PMO on Tuesday and having wonderful mid afternoon physical intimacy on Wednesday... The real intimacy vs the "false intimacy". The real is so completely satisfying in all regards, mentally, physically and spiritually while the false falls short on all three levels. Using the PMO left me bleh... having real intimacy left me in a higher sate of love and desire for my beloved. I already knew this and did not need to slip up to prove it again... some flawed part of me gave in to temptation on Tuesday even although I knew how hollow and gutted it really is.
    Billy B., Libertad and Newman8888 like this.
  10. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Isn't it the flaw that makes the diamond?
  11. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    After many decades of wiring our brains to fantasy/porn the unreal still looks pretty damn good (to a part of our brains)...but, every day clean erases a tiny part of that wiring.

    What we understand intellectually as good and what our lizard brain understand as good are completely opposite, this is addiction...the only way to win is to slowly erase the wires over time through choosing the real over the fake -- and you're doing that every day you're a clean, which is many more days than not. :)
    Billy B., Libertad, over_it and 2 others like this.
  12. over_it

    over_it Active Member

    Well said sir ;-)
  13. fcjl8

    fcjl8 The only path for me

    This is truth! Plain truth!

    a good reminder Saville.

    Thanks guys!... chuggn' along my path. My wife has today off work and that might be fun... I have lots of work and we will see.
    Billy B. likes this.
  14. Newman8888

    Newman8888 The wound is the place where the Light enters you

    Hi fcjl8. I just wanted to pop in and say hi. I appreciate your honesty and the kind words you bestow on us all. Noticed the recent slip. Same here. We have to remind ourselves that there is only one direction forward. Wishing you strength and wisdom to traverse this sometimes difficult terrain.
    Billy B. and Saville like this.
  15. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Hey, bro! What's the low down in Canuckville?
  16. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Check in when you can.
  17. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Hey, Fella. I just caught up on some of your recent news and was most pleased to see that you didn't let the slip drag you down. I notice also though, that it's been a while since you posted here so I hope that you're still going strong. Sending you posi-vibes, my friend.
  18. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Praying for you, my friend.
  19. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    We're here.
  20. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Yes. Thinkin' of ya, Bro.

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