A Better Tomorrow

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by NewStart19, Aug 12, 2019.

  1. birdsky

    birdsky Member

    @Doper You are right. My comment was a bit harsh. I apologise. It‘s just, that I am a bit confused about my own situation and fear to relapse. Good chance that I reminded unconscious self with the text above.

    i just want the best for everyone here because I feel you guys.

    Dude, I am sorry that I might have caused stress or something. Take it easy, we all go through it. It was meant motivational. I wish you all the best!
    NewStart19 likes this.
  2. Newwaynewlife

    Newwaynewlife Member

    Hi Newstart & everyone else,

    I am a new-old rewire-er here :) I don't want to be a smart-ass , I just wanna share my experience/knowledge I have regarding psychology and supplements:

    1. To me not being able to fall asleep is one of the most dangerous terrains. At the beginning of my journey, in order to beat the withdrawal, I used different supplements. The strongest one is Mucuna pruriens, it contains levodopa which is the precursor of dopamine. The medium one is 5-HTP, a precursor of serotonin. The third one is L-theanine, a precursor of GABA. I don't wanna dwell on neurochemistry, but you can look up what's the function of each in your brain. What I would recommend: start with Mucuna, twice a day, but don't take it every day (like 3 days ON, 1 OFF, 2 ON, 1 OFF) so your brain cannot get used to it (and you don't develop a tolerance). After a while, you can decrease it only to one (night) dose a day and start to gradually replace it with 5-HTP + L-theanine. It will help you stay calmer and less anxious, have a better sleeping routine, and the latter two aren't dangerous at all (mucuna isn't dangerous either if you don't take it for more than 3 months and you don't develop a tolerance).

    2. The root of addictions are almost always the lack of social bonds. It is the case with drug addiction, workaholism, gambling, addiction to power, alcoholism... Obviously, our long term goal is developing satisfying social bonds, but in the meantime, a scientific theory called the extended parallel process model (EPPM) may be really helpful. It says that for successful risk communication, one has to communicate threat and efficacy messages. It means that to overcome your addiction, you have to make yourself aware that (1) it fucks up your life and it just leads to a pointless and painful life as well as (2) you have to believe that you are able to succeed. In some things. The first component is pretty clear, all of us know that P and M are the main tool we turn our lives a misery, but you still have to read every day about how horrible P-addiction and M-addiction are to make it salient in your brain. The second component is a bit more complicated. You need the belief that you can realize things. It doesn't have to necessarily be the belief that you can beat your porn addiction. It can be something else as well, but it has to "communicate" to you that YOU CAN DO THINGS. For me, it was quitting smoking after almost two decades. How could I do it? I was fucking scared bc my body started sending me signs that I must stop - this was the threat. I developed a plan (I just couldn't do cold turkey, so I started to radically decrease it and within one month I decreased the number of daily cigarettes from 20 to zero). It was fucking horrible, I still miss it after 4 months, but it gave me a lot of power. I developed a sense of efficacy. It may be an extreme example, but if you find less difficult activities where you can show yourself that you can succeed in something, it can be translated into success in your fight against (P)MO.

    Feel free to ask (or to search Google for how the EPPM helps in beating addictions). I hope I could help you, I wish you a lot of strength!
    Doper and NewStart19 like this.
  3. Doper

    Doper Well-Known Member

    ...I'd damn well better be. I'm Doc Sportello.

    I've seen em all except Hard Eight and the Adam Sandler one (though I doubt that's my groove)....
    ....Between the rest it's a hard pick, Boogie Nights, Magnolia, TWBB....I'm all about the noir, and IV is completely hilarious so it's my firm pick.

    I found The Master a bit odd if I remember correctly, have to watch it again.
    NewStart19 likes this.
  4. Pete McVries

    Pete McVries Well-Known Member

    Can you pinpoint what makes you relapse at night? Is it because you can't sleep or are you suddenly waking up with heavy urges?
    NewStart19 likes this.
  5. Professor Chaos

    Professor Chaos Well-Known Member

    Hey brother.

    Just dropping by to wish you good luck. This stuff is killer for my sleep as well. Do you have a mediation practice?

    hang in there. Success is failing 9 times and getting up 10.

    much love,
    NewStart19 likes this.
  6. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    I'm also of the notion that meditation has made quite a strong positive impact for me, even if it may appear subtle at times. At the very least it's a great practice for self discipline and having a healthy routine. Ideally, the meditation mindset will be transposed to daily life, in time.

    I'm pretty sure that without meditation, things could have been worst (as you say also!).
    NewStart19 and Pete McVries like this.
  7. Professor Chaos

    Professor Chaos Well-Known Member

    Great work NewStart19.

    Do you have a battle plan? It sounds like you are struggling to get at least a week under your belt. I will sometimes block certain sites for a whole week if I know I can’t trust myself. Google image search, but also YouTube. Remember, YouTube knows your search history and the algorithm will guide you towards content that it knows you’ve liked in the past.

    Keep up the good fight. Remember the mantra. Today I will not look at porn.

    Keep it up.
    NewStart19 and Pete McVries like this.
  8. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Great to hear that you're meditating. I think that that is one of the most proactive activities to beat porn addiction. Hope you're feeling well.
    NewStart19 likes this.
  9. Shady

    Shady Well-Known Member

    I started my reboot following Noah's videos. I learned a lot from him.
    Pete McVries and NewStart19 like this.
  10. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    Same to you mate !

    I'm looking forward to changes and challenges and discovering a better level of personal control.
    NewStart19 likes this.
  11. Shady

    Shady Well-Known Member

    Happy New Year. Stay strong.
    NewStart19 likes this.
  12. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Happy new year man!
    Shady and NewStart19 like this.
  13. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    I've encountered some of those thumbnails too, very annoying. I always thought Youtube would be safe (well, it's not, but at least some decency.) It's also strange, how we need to find something that went away. I guess unfinished business, but come on. It's just the same old crap. Unfortunately the brain doesn't seem to follow logic.
    NewStart19 likes this.
  14. Doper

    Doper Well-Known Member

    Look at all the people you know. Would you want to marry any of those people?.....You're being way too hard on yourself saying nonsense like that. I wouldn't want to marry about 98% of the population. But, I can tell you're an above average suitor for the simple facts you can write a coherent sentence, you're trying to fix your problems, you aren't rambling conspiracy theories or other glaringly obvious stupidity, and I'll just go out on a limb and figure you don't spend your evenings watching Dancing With the Stars and comparing yourself to other idiots on facebook (...or worse).

    I have a bad self esteem, but when I look around and logically take an account of things, I'd rather take my chances being me than pretty well anyone I see.

    I think most people on here have really neurotic brains. Lots of smart, anxious people that are trying hard to fix their problems and being really hard on themselves when they aren't perfect. Statistically, most people are obese, watching nonsense TV, working jobs they hate, blowing what money they have on absolute nonsense, in debt, addicted to all types of shit, can't look after themselves let alone the kids they pushed out without thinking about it. And you better believe the vast majority are ripping off loads to porntubes.

    Like, how many people do you know that actually have every facet of their life together?.....No one does.
    Yeah we all know jacked in-shape people, or people that get the dough, or good with women, or squeeky clean etc......I don't really know anyone who's got ALL that shit on point. The vast majority of people I know have nothing going on whatsoever, or some glaring issue...And the thing is, they don't seem to care.

    Think of a lot of the cool kids from high school, the ones that were getting all the pussy and that.....Look at those fuckers now, I don't know about the ones you knew, but a lot of the ones I knew are just absolute train wrecks now. Way worse than say, the piss-drunk, living in the past dad in Friday Night Lights. I've got unreal stories for days on that front, holy hell.
    I bet back in the day we were thinking, man, I wish I was one of those dudes. Now I think, those people are complete freaking morons....and they always were.

    What we thought then was an obvious illusion, and you bet your ass much of what we think now is as well.

    I like to think of all of us as the folks playing the long game. Intelligence, wisdom, that thirst for knowledge, habit formation, addiction stomping....just like money well invested, compounds over time.
    Having these neurotic brains sucks a lot of the time, but it's the cross successful folks have to bear.
    The fact you're angry or depressed or whatever means your still in the game.

    Just play the long game, we're gonna win this.
    Last edited: Jan 13, 2021
  15. Bilbo Swaggins

    Bilbo Swaggins Well-Known Member

    Great, and funny. It’s not the first time you mention those things here, it’s important stuff. We guys here worry a lot. Way too much.

    Good ending too. This place needs light every once in a while. Yeah, things can get pretty heavy here sometimes...

    @NewStart19 I have been reading you for months, and I am almost certain that the woman who will be your girlfriend will be a lucky one. Good women want good men. You have flaws, like most of us, but from your posts I can tell you seem like a good man. Don’t forget it, don’t get lost in despair.
    NewStart19 and Pete McVries like this.
  16. Do these questions come from a book or website?
    NewStart19 likes this.
  17. @NewStart19 Thanks. I went searching and saw your original post about it. Thank you for posting that. Too bad it's not available as epub from other retailers. I would love to pick it up but my wife and I agree no amazon purchases related to PMO recovery since we share an account with our older daughters. Would love to work through the daily questions.
  18. Doper

    Doper Well-Known Member

    "I want to keep working on tipping the scale of self-improvement more toward excitement and less toward shame"

    That's a pretty quotable quote.

    I understand the way I portrayed others in that post may seem to some a bit negative and cynical, but I was just trying to ensure you that from my vantage point you are surely as valuable (...more in my opinion) as most. If people have some of those issues I mentioned, that's normal and to be empathized with. My point was most people aren't TRYING to FIX anything or go through any pain to achieve something better than a mediocre outcome. But expect everything to just turn out alright. An example is rich people and their political minions brainwashing poor people into thinking extremely low taxes are their best option, and it works because poor people all think their going to be rich someday, even though all evidence points to the contrary.

    Maybe I'll get to journalling sometime....I can think of a number of reasons I don't. I don't like talking about myself...at all, I don't want to compulsively come here looking if people liked my shit...same as social media. I'm more focused on solving problems than support. I know what I have to do to succeed, and don't think I need to ruminate on it, but maybe it might help. I think for many people it may be be productive.
  19. Bilbo Swaggins

    Bilbo Swaggins Well-Known Member

    Journaling can be pretty embarrassing. We usually write about our last relapse, or about the fact that we feel inadequate and shitty. But it opens the door to receiving advice from other guys (usually the same 5 or 6 guys who are interested in your story). In theory, all we have to do is staying away from porn, but in our day-to-day life, it gets trickier. That’s when journaling can be helpful. People will tell you things you have never thought of, that could have an impact on your life. At least, that’s how it is for me.
    NewStart19, BoughtWithBlood and Doper like this.
  20. Doper

    Doper Well-Known Member

    I actually find opening up to people, or even just thinking about or journaling...issues, makes me feel worse.....lol
    I really have no idea how people pay big money to go to someone and talk about personal issues. No clue how that works.
    I like to keep whatever putrid filth there is down in the darkness of the subconscious, where it isn't tangible. I mean, I know the things that bother me: Time and opportunities gone. It's pretty glaringly obvious. Dwelling on it just makes me angry. I have to do that every time I try to sleep so no sense in doing it other times of the day where I can be productive. Other than that I can't think of anything.

    As well, I'm all about (...at least theoretically :rolleyes:) the idea that whatever it is that we fear the most is what we should be focusing on. Journaling doesn't scare me. And its like, every minute I'm spending doing that and not trying to fix problems makes the "time and opportunities lost" problem worse.
    But hey, like I've said before, I'm sure I'm wrong about basically everything.

    On a positive note, that map book sounds cool, man.
    Bilbo Swaggins and NewStart19 like this.

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