A Better Tomorrow

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by NewStart19, Aug 12, 2019.

  1. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    I'm a little late and not sure you will see this but all the best bro ! We're definitely somewhere in a similar boat with our addiction/bad habit/problem/curse (whatever it is) ... Good luck, good sail !

    And sorry that I have not replied to your posts on my journal, but I appreciated them.
    NewStart19 likes this.
  2. Doper

    Doper Well-Known Member

    A tip of the hat to you, sir.
    NewStart19 likes this.
  3. Shady

    Shady Well-Known Member

    Loneliness is not a good thing.
    Keep yourself occupied at all times.
    NewStart19 likes this.
  4. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    Glad to see you around here :)
    Not that I endorse relapse. But I think this is essential. Build the rat park and you'll stop going to get a shot of cocaine. It takes time ...

    I think the Undedog in his long post mentionned how the more we work on truly fixing our lives (to beat the fears that whole us back, to heal whatever needs to be healed inside) - the less painful relapses will actually be (and they'll be less often too).

    But I don't mean to undermine how essential discipline is as well to the process and learning how to do our best not to take a shot of the cocaine while we're building our rat park (healing and facing our fears and growing).

    The more we build our rat park and truly see that it's happening - the better defenses as well against the cravings. We have the strong "why's" of why it's better not to go for it.
    Pete McVries, -Luke- and NewStart19 like this.
  5. -Luke-

    -Luke- Well-Known Member

    Just let it out. Always good to read your thoughts!
  6. Doper

    Doper Well-Known Member

    I have the wackin it while mostly asleep problem as well. I don't really know how to stop that happening, as you aren't really sentient at that point. Willpower doesn't really come into play when you're almost asleep, just awake enough to vaguely remember doing it. I wouldn't reset the counter, that'll make you go insane.

    As for your previous post saying you didn't put up much resistance before relapsing. I'd be interested to know how much anyone puts up. The only time I put up resistance is when it's the first few days and you have to white knuckle. If I don't drink, that part is easy for me, I can easily fight those cravings. But once you have a couple weeks in I don't find the cravings are that bad, they turn into a different weird emptiness feeling (which in a way is more painful). It's not like anyone here is rolling around on the floor sweating bullets, tears streaming from their eyes.
    To me, willpower plays some part in the beginning, but little overall. I'm not sure what the strange amalgamation of factors are that keeps me from wanting to relapse when I get on a good streak. I think the main thing that separates these people that have 100+ day counters from the rabble is that they've somehow gamified their reboot process. They extract more, or at least enough dopamine, or good feeling or whatever, from NOT RELAPSING, than they would from relapsing. Kind of like how a person that is all about financial independence will forego consumption of consumer goods for whatever their personal goal is. A dopamine blast from saving, thinking about compound interest, investing, etc. A shopping addict (read: average joe) could not possibly understand what enjoyment the financial independence person extracts from that behavior. I try to think of it less as discipline, and more as patience. ....But for whatever reason, for me, having the patience and foregoing porn consumption for the ultimate goal of full phallic and mental function has not been enough long term. It's absolute insanity. But we're gonna get there, pal.
    Last edited: Oct 14, 2020
  7. Bilbo Swaggins

    Bilbo Swaggins Well-Known Member

    Very interesting, as usual. I always enjoy reading you, you always express clever things with style. It’s almost like reading a book: you discover a very original character who is pretty messed up, but who seems to have unlimited strength. I am not really like that, quite the opposite in fact. The only way I can feel sort of okay in my daily life is if I do what I have to do. For me, it’s pretty much just paying my bills (I never really had a steady job, but I always manage to bring some money in), remaining a relatively healthy and decent person, playing guitar at least one hour everyday and somehow staying emotionally alive, mostly through arts, books, movies. If I don’t have a goal, I just go downhill and start doing all that’s bad for me. As for staying away from porn, the only thing that keeps me doing it is hope. There are many opinions on hope: some (like Nietzsche) say it’s useless, detrimental, and that only weak people rely on hope to keep going. Others say you can’t live without hope. Philosophically, I don’t know exactly what to think about hope. But on the specific matter of porn and ED, I‘ve bet on hope. It doesn’t mean I am right, of course, everyone is different. But I haven’t had something that even looks like an urge since I started rebooting. And believe me, I ain’t having much fun in my daily life. So I don’t think at all that I get much dopamine from other things on a daily basis and that it’s helping me going through this. I do smoke cigarettes, and drink alcohol too, though. They are my crutch for now. But apart from that, I don’t have much fun, and haven’t had for a while. Still struggling with emotional sanity for now.

    About will. Maybe that’s just me... I don’t have so much will in my daily life, I am a pretty laid back guy, some sort of relativist intellectual who never seems to have an opinion on anything. But I try to be pragmatic with this shit. Because even if I do things right (no PMO forever, sex not too often, no O, all this shit), I might never heal. So I have decided to try it as best as possible, hoping to get rid of this someday. Anyway... Maybe I am so deep into flatline and that’s why I don’t even have urges to watch porn, who knows? Time will tell.
    As always, a pleasure reading you guys. Be well.
    Last edited: Oct 15, 2020
    NewStart19, Doper and Pete McVries like this.
  8. TrueSelf

    TrueSelf Active Member

    Nothing much to add here. Just wanted to say I think this idea is really insightful.
    NewStart19 likes this.
  9. Shady

    Shady Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear.
    Keep going
    Thelongwayhome27 and NewStart19 like this.
  10. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    That's a good point I think. Better to finish it quick then to drag on with an edge. The lesser evil.

    I think this is a good decision.

    Keep your head up ! We're all in this together (cheesy, but so damn true).
    NewStart19 likes this.
  11. Shady

    Shady Well-Known Member

    @NewStart19 You're still thinking about numbers.
    Don't think how long you've been PMO clean
    Just focus on staying strong.
    NewStart19 likes this.
  12. TrueSelf

    TrueSelf Active Member

    @NewStart19 Sorry to hear about the slip. Nice work on the transparency with reporting it immediately.

    I wanted to offer something that has helped me a bit when thinking about urges (likely very obvious - but wanted to share nonetheless). The idea is related to weight loose/gain but I feel it applies to most changes that people want to make. When people try to change their body type they will face discomfort. People's bodies want to stay the same. If people want to loose weight they will experience hunger. If they try to gain weight they will feel periods of being too full. Likewise with PMO. Our bodies do not want to give up that dopamine high from PMO. Expect to face some discomfort but also know that this is a sign that you are changing.
    Last edited: Oct 27, 2020
    NewStart19 likes this.
  13. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    Always need to recenter ourselves ... ! A constant challenge in life...
    Keep going man and props for reporting.
    NewStart19 likes this.
  14. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Yeah, man! Go for it
    NewStart19 and Thelongwayhome27 like this.
  15. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    The Power of Now ;)
    NewStart19 likes this.
  16. Pete McVries

    Pete McVries Well-Known Member

  17. birdsky

    birdsky Member

    Hey man,

    stay strong! Try to change your daily routine the first days of your streak! That will make it easier.
    NewStart19 likes this.
  18. birdsky

    birdsky Member

    At least you haven‘t watched this sh*t man!

    Next time, maybe try to not postpone O for so long. If you can‘t deal with the pressure anymore, get rid of the pressure fast and move on. Edging will cause you issues that you don‘t wanna face!
    NewStart19 likes this.
  19. birdsky

    birdsky Member

    You harm youself! Stop watching this sh**!

    Let your computer turned off. Dont use your smartphone. If you need pc for work only use it for work and when finished turn it off. If it gets boring, just deal with the boredom.

    We don‘t need P!!!! We don‘t need it! We won‘t die not watching it!

    keep strong man. We will win this battle!
    NewStart19 likes this.
  20. Doper

    Doper Well-Known Member

    @birdsky - I'm sure you mean well but your statements come close to berating the gentleman. That does no good. NewStart is brave enough to admit when he lapses, which is something many do not do. There is a reason that I don't have a counter....I had one then it started mysteriously disappearing when I would relapse.

    @NewStart19 - I was curious as to who those interesting looking people in your avatar are. I'll have to check out Station sometime, if I can find it and some subtitles.

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