A Better Tomorrow

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by NewStart19, Aug 12, 2019.

  1. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    The Power of Now ;)
     
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  2. NewStart19

    NewStart19 Well-Known Member

    Yikes! Ultimately I did relapse in the middle of the night. 2om porn and 40m MO to fantasy. I fantasized for about five minutes after waking up today. It's a shame because I received two nice short comments of support, but I'm still glad I am being completely transparent with this.

    Day 1 - Start

    Just another day. I'll feel what I'll feel. While I do have a counter in my signature and mention what day I am on in these posts, mentally and emotionally for me counting days really isn't that impactful and I don't really think about it aside from when I post on the forums. Instead, I keep working on trying to recenter my mind to the moment and dealing with that. I honestly have no idea what will happen in the future, and the past is the past: there's no reclaiming it. The relapses can feel devastating at times, and the damage they do to recovery progress is significant, but I'm in this for the long haul. I'll get out eventually. Keep learning, training, failing, and persevering.

    I do however feel a bit bad about being an uninspiring example of relapse, but really there are already plenty of uplifting examples of recovery on this site. If anyone reading feels disheartened when reading about my relapse, remember that the success stories are there. And when I do reach the speed required for escape velocity, you can rest assured that I'll be talking about it in this topic.

    Take care
     
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  3. NewStart19

    NewStart19 Well-Known Member

    I'm going to return to a strict IAD shutoff time again. It was useful and I need all the help I can get.

    There was one thing I wanted to share before turning them off. It's today's page in the reader related to recovery from sex/porn addiction that I read daily. Here it is:

    "Hindsight is 20/20. Predicting the future is a crap shoot. Knowing when the breakthrough or the change will take place is impossible. But if we stop working, we will not reach the goal regardless of whether the goal is years away or only days away. Sometimes stubborn persistence is what we need."

    Take care
     
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  4. Pete McVries

    Pete McVries Well-Known Member

  5. NewStart19

    NewStart19 Well-Known Member

    @Pete McVries

    That's a great graph. Appreciate you taking the time to share it!

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Day 2 - Coming to a close

    No relapses or slips. Going to turn off my IADs pretty soon.

    Take care
     
    Pete McVries likes this.
  6. NewStart19

    NewStart19 Well-Known Member

    Day 3 - Start

    Having difficulties with sleep. Last night was punctuated by medium strength urges. Gotta be thankful they were just medium. Felt depressed and lethargic for a lot of the day, but at least I got a satisfactory amount of tasks done. I'm more consistently sticking to my porn recovery plan, but I could be doing better. That's not really a criticism, more a recognition. Either way, time to kick myself into gear and start getting things done.
     
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  7. NewStart19

    NewStart19 Well-Known Member

    Day 3 - End

    The day is coming to a close. I think it's safe to say I dealt with a satisfactory number of tasks. Today was a bit calmer than the last two, but that's no reason to take additional risks. Turning off my IADs for the day.

    Take care
     
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  8. birdsky

    birdsky Member

    Hey man,

    stay strong! Try to change your daily routine the first days of your streak! That will make it easier.
     
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  9. NewStart19

    NewStart19 Well-Known Member

    @birdsky

    Thanks for the words of encouragement. I'm definitely working on that and aiming for better consistency. I think it will help a lot.

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Day 4 - Start

    Last night was difficult. On and off urges and emotional withdrawals. I made it through, but the (unfortunate) almost complete lack of sleep today is making me feel compromised. It's still early, but there have already been a few times where things have felt dangerous. I'm going to try to avoid having any set expectations for what I get done today and just try to stay away from IADs.

    Take care
     
  10. NewStart19

    NewStart19 Well-Known Member

    Relapsed

    No porn. I'm thankful for that. 1h30m of MO to fantasy.

    Take care
     
  11. birdsky

    birdsky Member

    At least you haven‘t watched this sh*t man!

    Next time, maybe try to not postpone O for so long. If you can‘t deal with the pressure anymore, get rid of the pressure fast and move on. Edging will cause you issues that you don‘t wanna face!
     
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  12. NewStart19

    NewStart19 Well-Known Member

    @birdsky

    Yea, I hear you, but I've actually made a lot of progress in this respect, although it may not seem that way. I've been able to consistently decrease my relapse duration on average to about 1/3 over this past year. Obviously no porn and as little MO as possible are the quickest and most efficient routes through recovery, but in practice it's easier said then done. Having hit many, many dead-ends with elimination-based recovery, redirecting some of my energy to actively shaving down the time has made this addiction less a part of me, and overall I can notice the effects of spending considerably less time on my addiction in my everyday life. In spite of this, my relapse times may perhaps still look long from a 3rd-person perspective, and this might be why I had reservations about disclosing them in the past, but so far I am appreciating being more transparent with my relapses. Not that I'm trying to debate what you wrote. Prolonging orgasm for extended periods of time isn't helpful indeed. Thanks for posting by the way.

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    Day 2 - In Progress

    Things are currently chaotic with my schedule, so I've been feeling a bit flustered. Feeling okay in spite of the circumstances, but I need to remain careful.

    Take care
     
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  13. NewStart19

    NewStart19 Well-Known Member

    And yet again. 20m porn, 30m MO to fantasy.

    Always forward.
     
  14. birdsky

    birdsky Member

    You harm youself! Stop watching this sh**!

    Let your computer turned off. Dont use your smartphone. If you need pc for work only use it for work and when finished turn it off. If it gets boring, just deal with the boredom.

    We don‘t need P!!!! We don‘t need it! We won‘t die not watching it!

    keep strong man. We will win this battle!
     
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  15. Doper

    Doper Well-Known Member

    @birdsky - I'm sure you mean well but your statements come close to berating the gentleman. That does no good. NewStart is brave enough to admit when he lapses, which is something many do not do. There is a reason that I don't have a counter....I had one then it started mysteriously disappearing when I would relapse.

    @NewStart19 - I was curious as to who those interesting looking people in your avatar are. I'll have to check out Station sometime, if I can find it and some subtitles.
     
  16. birdsky

    birdsky Member

    @Doper You are right. My comment was a bit harsh. I apologise. It‘s just, that I am a bit confused about my own situation and fear to relapse. Good chance that I reminded unconscious self with the text above.

    i just want the best for everyone here because I feel you guys.

    @NewStart19
    Dude, I am sorry that I might have caused stress or something. Take it easy, we all go through it. It was meant motivational. I wish you all the best!
     
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  17. Newwaynewlife

    Newwaynewlife New Member

    Hi Newstart & everyone else,

    I am a new-old rewire-er here :) I don't want to be a smart-ass , I just wanna share my experience/knowledge I have regarding psychology and supplements:

    1. To me not being able to fall asleep is one of the most dangerous terrains. At the beginning of my journey, in order to beat the withdrawal, I used different supplements. The strongest one is Mucuna pruriens, it contains levodopa which is the precursor of dopamine. The medium one is 5-HTP, a precursor of serotonin. The third one is L-theanine, a precursor of GABA. I don't wanna dwell on neurochemistry, but you can look up what's the function of each in your brain. What I would recommend: start with Mucuna, twice a day, but don't take it every day (like 3 days ON, 1 OFF, 2 ON, 1 OFF) so your brain cannot get used to it (and you don't develop a tolerance). After a while, you can decrease it only to one (night) dose a day and start to gradually replace it with 5-HTP + L-theanine. It will help you stay calmer and less anxious, have a better sleeping routine, and the latter two aren't dangerous at all (mucuna isn't dangerous either if you don't take it for more than 3 months and you don't develop a tolerance).

    2. The root of addictions are almost always the lack of social bonds. It is the case with drug addiction, workaholism, gambling, addiction to power, alcoholism... Obviously, our long term goal is developing satisfying social bonds, but in the meantime, a scientific theory called the extended parallel process model (EPPM) may be really helpful. It says that for successful risk communication, one has to communicate threat and efficacy messages. It means that to overcome your addiction, you have to make yourself aware that (1) it fucks up your life and it just leads to a pointless and painful life as well as (2) you have to believe that you are able to succeed. In some things. The first component is pretty clear, all of us know that P and M are the main tool we turn our lives a misery, but you still have to read every day about how horrible P-addiction and M-addiction are to make it salient in your brain. The second component is a bit more complicated. You need the belief that you can realize things. It doesn't have to necessarily be the belief that you can beat your porn addiction. It can be something else as well, but it has to "communicate" to you that YOU CAN DO THINGS. For me, it was quitting smoking after almost two decades. How could I do it? I was fucking scared bc my body started sending me signs that I must stop - this was the threat. I developed a plan (I just couldn't do cold turkey, so I started to radically decrease it and within one month I decreased the number of daily cigarettes from 20 to zero). It was fucking horrible, I still miss it after 4 months, but it gave me a lot of power. I developed a sense of efficacy. It may be an extreme example, but if you find less difficult activities where you can show yourself that you can succeed in something, it can be translated into success in your fight against (P)MO.

    Feel free to ask (or to search Google for how the EPPM helps in beating addictions). I hope I could help you, I wish you a lot of strength!
     
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  18. NewStart19

    NewStart19 Well-Known Member

    @Doper

    Thanks for looking out. I didn't think he intentionally meant ill by it, but I still appreciated your post.

    You're quite the sleuth. The film is a bit dated (1981), but it is one of my more liked Japanese films. It leans toward melancholy FYI.

    It's been a little while since I've seen the film, but, if I'm not mistaken, I believe yours is from Inherent Vice. Not sure how familiar you are with the director, but my favorite films of his are probably There Will Be Blood and The Master, though I like his filmography in general.

    @birdsky

    Please don't worry about it. I think your intended motivational encouragement got through, though, as @Doper stated, some people might not interpret your comments in the way you intended them. Maybe just be more careful when posting encouragement in other people's topics. But if you want to blow off some steam from your current situation, I understand.

    Keep your head up and pointed toward the horizon. And you know what? You're right. It won't kill us, and what doesn't kill us makes us stronger (well, usually...) ; )

    @Newwaynewlife

    Thanks for stopping by and posting.

    Appreciate the information. I'll have to read more about the supplements to get a better understanding, but what you gave me is a start. As for the latter--about threat and efficacy--it sounds pretty interesting. Although I haven't encountered this terminology before, I may have unintentionally been working toward this over the past year. Anyway, definitely worth looking into. Thank you. Best of luck with your efforts.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Day 4 - Start

    The break in my daily entries was not (thankfully) because of relapse. There's a new lesson series on the Stoics in my meditation app that I haven't tried yet. Looking forward to trying it out.

    Take care
     
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  19. Doper

    Doper Well-Known Member

    ...I'd damn well better be. I'm Doc Sportello.

    I've seen em all except Hard Eight and the Adam Sandler one (though I doubt that's my groove)....
    ....Between the rest it's a hard pick, Boogie Nights, Magnolia, TWBB....I'm all about the noir, and IV is completely hilarious so it's my firm pick.

    I found The Master a bit odd if I remember correctly, have to watch it again.
     
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  20. NewStart19

    NewStart19 Well-Known Member

    @Doper

    That's not too much of a shock. I'm surprised you've even heard of Hard Eight. In my experience, that's the least-known of his films. Punch-Drunk Love has a quirky sense of humor, but it may not be your cup of tea. The Master is definitely a strange one.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Relapsed again yesterday. 1h20m porn, 40 minutes MO to fantasy.

    Take care
     

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