Hello and happy new year. I'm a 55 year old male who has battled porn addiction for over 40 years. I started with masturbation to softcore images around age 12 and progressed to porn mags and videos. The internet for the past 20 years has been a problem for me. I have tried repeatedly to overcome it but with limited success. I am writing this journal as a record of my recovery. I want to thank Saville as I recently found his journal and it encourages me tremendously! I have PIED and I have a difficult time even getting aroused to porn. I began to wonder if I can ever return to a normal sex life. I began to worry that age and porn had done me in. Saville's story is somewhat similar to mine. I haven't had intercourse with my wife in over a year. She's not the problem, I am. Just knowing that there's a guy my age who hadn't had sex for a long time and got his mojo back inspires me. I had some success in the past. I was clean for six months leading into last summer and relapsed. I have accountability software on my devices and have accountability partners I can contact but I have found ways around the software and quite honestly, the accountabilty partners are much younger than I and I don't believe they can relate to what I am going through. My goal is to stay away from porn and masturbation. I do want to have sexual intimacy with my wife so I will not deny that if the opportunity presents itself. I am hoping to see results after 120 days of purity. I'm not focusing on days per se but it is a goal for now. I'm not able to share this recovery with my wife. She found my porn addiction five years ago and thinks I quit. Sadly I have not been able and she has endured so much pain because of my selfishness that I can not tell her the truth. My hope is to overcome and repair our sex life/relationship. Once we are in a safer place I will be honest with her. I have been clean for six days now. I have to confess that I gave myself some freedom to indulge in PMO right up to new year's eve. I understand the damage I did to my brain and I am fighting now to restore it. I am a religious man and I thank God for my inability to get turned on by porn. If I could get away with it I would not have stopped PMO. I know it won't be easy. To think otherwise would be delusional. I want to look back and see where I was and rejoice in having recovered.